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About Brenda

October 26, 2009

Not Quite Perfect

Filed under: Christian living,Confidence,Not perfect,Perfectionism,celebrate life,confident living,forgive self — Brenda @ 4:00 pm

“What’s this?” My friend giggled as she held up my kitchen towel. The bottom quarter corner was gone.

“It’s just the corner and it’s still thick and it still works.” I defended my towel. Looking at the towel I had an epiphany. “That towel represents my life.” I sighed to my friend, “Nothing’s quite perfect.”

It truly was a moment of clarity that collated similar observations over the past years.

~Not only are most of my kitchen towels torn, ragged or holey, but most of my bath towels are also.

~I recently chipped the pretty green casserole dish I bought this summer.

~A few weeks ago Riley (our year-old golden retriever) bumped into and broke one of my favorite things. It is a figurine of a beautiful young mother in a flowing dress holding her toddler. It is in our hall and it gives me great pleasure every time I see it. Gene was able to piece it back together, but I still know it’s not quite perfect.

~Since Gene works construction he and his truck daily bring home mud and dirt. No matter how often I sweep it’s impossible to keep our driveway and garage clean. They’re never quite perfect. (Let’s not even start talking about the never ending dog hair on my floors from the afore mentioned dog.)

~All month I keep close account of the transactions in our checking account. Then the statement comes and I find I’m off and I don’t know why. Ugh. Not quite perfect.

~I try to love and encourage my girls, but sometimes a harsh word escapes my lips and I’m again reminded that even as a mom I’m not quite perfect.

This list could go on for pages. Sometimes it gets to me—no matter how hard I try I never quite get anything perfect. There’s always a chip.

Factor in the spiritual element of trying to be more like Christ and I really feel imperfect. The more I try the more I realize how not like Christ I am. In Matthew 5:48 Jesus says, “Be perfect,therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” For those of you who don’t know me, I have an insatiable curiosity, so I love to get to the root of whatever we’re discussing. So I looked up “perfect” in my Bible dictionary. In this verse it means “complete, mature, etc.” Jesus is not telling me to never chip a dish, use only towels that have no tears or holes, or that I must keep my garage perfectly clean. Jesus knows life is full of imperfections and He uses those “less than perfect” to accomplish His plan.

Jesus is telling me to strive to be more like God (remember, we are made in His image). Again, a pretty tall order. How does He expect me to do this? The secret is in John 15. This chapter of John contains a few last words Jesus gave His disciples on how to carry on after He was gone. Over and over He tells the disciples they must “abide” in Him, that the only way they will accomplish anything for Him is to abide with Him. That word used to drive me nuts. What did it mean? Again, I looked it up. It means to live with/in. I am so literal I couldn’t figure out how I could live in Christ. One thing I love about God is He loves me and will do whatever it takes to help me understand what He wants me to know. Over time God showed me that abide means hang out. Jesus is telling me that to have a fruitful life, I need to hang out with Him. For me that means realizing that Jesus is always where I am, aware of my situation, my thoughts, my feelings and I just need to talk with Him constantly about whatever. Then He will direct me and enable me to do the next thing. It’s doing life with Christ. The more I do life with Christ the more I become like God and the more “perfect” I become.

I have accepted the fact that I will always chip my breakables (I love my FiestaWare—it doesn’t chip!), and that my washer has a ferocious appetite for my towels. I’m good with that. It’s part of who God made me to be—not quite perfect. But my real joy and excitement comes from doing life with Him and becoming more like Him, one chip at a time. Have learned to embrace your “chips” while doing life with Christ? I’d love to hear about it.

P.S. In the 2 days since the writing of this post and the posting of it, I discovered that the chip in my crockpot turned into a crack and I had to throw it away. So glad my Creator fixes and uses cracked pots!

October 21, 2009

He Danced

Filed under: Christian living,Confidence,New opportunites,adventure,celebrate life,confident living,next step in life,parenting,priorities — Brenda @ 4:04 pm

Last evening I attended a visitation for a man who will have lasting influence on my life. I arrived a few minutes before the official start time because I knew there would be a line. At least 100 other people had the same thought as me. As I zigzagged in the line through the waiting area I took my turn looking at the dozens of pictures of Ron throughout his life. They were all there–all the pictures we hope we will have at the end of our lives. Pictures of

  • Ron as a thin young high school and college athlete.
  • Ron and Dorothy as adorable college sweethearts and then
  • Ron and Dorothy as the bride and groom. Dorothy in an elegant, traditional 50′s bridal gown and Ron in a white tuxedo.
  • Dozens of family events–the kids growing and the family growing.
  • Ron with the new grandbabies.
  • Ron with his pesky white Yorshire terrior. That dog always tried to take a bite out of my jeans. But Ron adored him.
  • And lots of pictures of Ron with Dorothy throughout their life together.

The pictures told the story that each of the many, many people there would also tell–the story of a life well-lived. He and Dorothy gave of their friendship, service, and time generously. A few moments with either of them was a blessing of laughter or rich advice given in humility.

LeeAnn Womack sings the song I Hope You Dance. This song talks about the opportunities that come our way in life and that given the choice we should always choose to dance–to be involved, to choose love over bitterness, to choose others over self, to engage in the wonderful life God has offered to us. Ron danced. I learned much from Ron.

  • Be the first to greet others. He talked to everyone and usually made us laugh.
  • Make my life not about me. He served God in so many ways throughout his lifetime. He was the unofficial grandpa/great uncle to the kids at the Youth for Christ in our local high school.
  • Growing spiritually. He was always in church and he and Dorothy were part of a small group Bible study.
  • Pursue friends and I will have plenty. He and Dorothy extended their friendship to many, often being the ones to invite.
  • Stay involved with my kids. Their boys played football and their daughter was a cheerleader. They were at all the games. But their involvement did not stop at the kids’ high school graduation. Their daughter is the choral director of the local middle school and the junior and senior high at church. They attended each of her concerts.
  • Life is not about me. Ron and Dorothy were always pouring into the lives of others.
  • Keep the romance in my marriage. After over 50 years of marriage, Ron still called Dorothy by his sweet nickname for her.
  • Have fun. Ron was an enthusiastic sports fan–especially the local football team that his boys used to play on.
  • Serve God till my last breath. I remember one of the last times I saw Ron at church. He looked awful, but there he was sitting behind the Welcome Center while Dorothy assisted visitors.

When I finally made my way to the family’s receiving line, I could no longer hold in my emotion. I shared gentle tears with Dorothy and their daughter. They seemed to welcome the opportunity to say through their own tears He was a great man and we will miss him!

Wherever life finds you today, if you are reading this, you are still breathing. You have life left to live. Decide what’s important in your life then live it.

I would love to hear how you will grab the opportunity today to dance!

October 13, 2009

Neglecting the Plan

Filed under: Confidence,Fun,New opportunites,adventure,confident living,moms,parenting,priorities — Brenda @ 2:09 am

A few weeks ago I talked about the Principle of Neglect and its benefits in helping us achieve what God has for us. Today, though, was the day to ditch the Principle of Neglect—to neglect it. I began my day prepared to chisel away at my deadline. Since it was Monday I had to tidy the house a bit and take out the garbage. I continued to work around the house accomplishing one task after the other. What an adrenaline rush! I couldn’t stop.

~Breakfast dishes done.

~Laundry started.

~Bills paid.

~Kelsey’s room readied for her visit from college this weekend.

~Laundry folded.

~Emails returned.

I was inspired. Ironing. Yep, that would make me feel even more accomplished. I opened the door of the closet where the ironing board resides with hundreds of shopping bags. Usually I can stuff them back in the closet, promising myself I will “get to them later.” But today the bags wouldn’t be stuffed. They spilled out and lay on the floor looking back at me as if to say Just try to make us go back in there.

Great. Now I had to do something with them. So I dug them out, all of them. All reminders of where I have shopped over the past several months. The Wal-Mart and Target bags were easy to deal with—stuff them inside each other to be recycled. Then my progress came to a halt.

~Crate and Barrel

~J.Jill

~Delia’s

These bags stared back at me like vacation photos. These stores are favorite stores of my daughters and myself. The precious shopping bags were more than sturdy, reusable bags. They were memories, souvenirs of fabulous times with my girls. We don’t live near a big city, so when we get the opportunity to shop in a big city at our favorite stores, it is a special occasion.

There I knelt in the midst of my memories and sentiment. What would I do? The day’s inspiration did not fail me. I ran to the basement and got a box to store the bags in. (Simple, I know, but organization is not my second nature.) The bags settled into their new orderly home and were content in the back of the closet, ready to serve when called upon. I finished cleaning the closet and returned the ironing board to its now clean home.

By now it was 2:00 pm.

“Hey, Mom, what are you going to do now?” Kerry came in the kitchen just as I finished.

“Um, I don’t know.” I was shocked at the progress I had made already.

“How about an adventure?!” Her eyes twinkled with spontaneity.

“Okay, let’s go!”

Nothing today was part of my original plan, but it was definitely the day I needed for refreshment, satisfaction, and fun.

My point—Once in a while neglect the plan. Go with the flow. Enjoy the moment with a loved one. It’s all an important part of confidently living your calling.

October 9, 2009

What Moms Don’t See

Filed under: Confidence,confident living,discouragement,moms,parenting,persistence,strong-willed kids — Brenda @ 2:15 pm

Recently a precious young mom shared with me, “I have a strong-willed five year-old son.” (Deep sigh) 

“He doesn’t want to do his homework. He watches TV before bed. His room is a mess.” She was exasperated. I know I’ve been there and still visit there on occasion.

“So how do you respond?”  I needed all the facts, before I offered any shred of wisdom I might find in my database.

“I don’t let him watch TV till the homework is done. I’m trying to help him organize his room, but he doesn’t get it or want to get it.”

Now I’m getting it. This mom is doing a great job. She is doing exactly what I would have told her–use a discipline that makes him care if his home is done and help him learn to organize his space. Her exasperation is because she is not seeing results so she believes she is not being effective as a mom and she needs new methods.

Oh, the angst of parenting–sometimes it takes a long time to see results. Sometimes it takes years to see results. And the results that are right under our noses are happening so subltly that we don’t see them.

I keep a prayer register of sorts. Prayer requests/concerns on the left side of the page and the answers/responses from God on the right side of the page. It is a great way to not only grow my faith but to see how God is faithful in maturing my daughters.  Looking back into this register I see that for a couple of years I have been praying for a sweet spirit for one of the girls. Anyone that knows her today would never guess that she had a spell of negativity. She is a kind, encouraging, fun young woman. Subtle changes.

One daughter struggled with procrastination. It was becoming a bad habit. I prayed and coached her. Today her room is neat, her homework is organized, and the piles of stuff that lined the walls of her room are gone. When did all this happen? I do not know. Slowly and subltly from December, 2007, to October, 2009, she became an organized, on-the-ball girl.

I prayed and prayed for good friends for one of our daughters. Friends that would encourage her and bless her. Friends that aren’t into drama or popularity contests. It has been over a year since I recorded that request and my daughter is slowly and steadily finding great young women with whom she is developing quality sisters-in-Christ friendships.

Being the mom is hard. It takes lots of work and persistence, but the results are so worth it. Don’t get discouraged because you don’t think you see results. They’re there. They might be hidden under piles of dirty laundry, or a messy desk, or in an attitude that says, “Make me!” But, Mom, everything you do and say matters. Persistence and faith that God is working in your kids’ lives are key to confidently living your calling of Queen Mom!