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June 14, 2010

It’s Monday, again, Mom.

Filed under: Fun,Kids,Overwhelmed women,Teens,confident living,moms,priorities — Brenda @ 4:10 pm

“I Won’t Let Go of You Ever.”

Disclaimer: This blog may cause a tear or two. It starts a bit sentimentally, but hang in there with me.

“ ‘I won’t let go of you ever.’ I used to say that to you, Mom, and then you would tickle me to make me let go.” My sixteen year-old daughter casually shared that memory with me on the eve of her going to summer camp. Ugh. I felt the stab of regret. Oh, how I wish I could go back to those days and take it back and let her hang on forever.
The memory is fresh, but buried under piles of today’s issues—things to do, plans to make, worries to stew over. How did I get so far removed from those precious moments? My baby grew up. She turned into a teenager. And though she is a fabulous young woman, she is still a teenager. That means she is no longer my baby. She is separating from me and growing into her own person. Those heart-to-heart moments are fewer.
Grab your tissue and dab, dab. No more sentimentality.
What do I do with the regret, with the tinge of sadness of her childhood gone forever? I yank myself into the present. This morning I took her to the church to go to camp. We had a few extra minutes to so we went to Starbucks.
“Do you want to sit here for a few minutes or head to the church?” I maturely gave her the choice.
“Let’s stay here.” She smiled up at me as she took the first sip of her vanilla frappacino.
My heart smiled and I’m sure my face showed it. We sat at a little table by the window and talked and laughed about nothing. She shared a bit of her whipped cream with me and for ten minutes I was in Mommy Bliss. I refused to think about anything other than her. I did what is normally hard for me—I lived in the moment. No mulling over everything I had to do today. Just me and my girl. Ahh. It was sweet.
Mom, I know you’ve heard this 1,000 times, but it’s true, your kids won’t always be this age. This summer live in as many of their moments as you can. You will forever be thankful you didn’t let go before it was time.

June 9, 2010

He’s Your Man! ~~ Confidence to Live Your Calling as His Wife

Filed under: Marriage,Overwhelmed women,Respect for husbands,Wives,confident living,next step in life — Brenda @ 2:36 pm

This is the beginning of a new series of blogs. Mondays are for moms–”It’s Monday again, Mom: Confidence to Live Your Calling as a Mom.”
Wednesday is about marriage–”He’s Your Man!: Confidence to Live Your Calling as His Wife.”
Friday is for all us girls–”Live as God’s Girl: Confidence to Live Whatever God Calls You To.”
My goal is to come along side you as a friend with encouragement and practical help for where you are in life.
I look forward to getting to know you better.

I’m A Big Girl

This morning I received an email regarding a ministry event that needed my decision promptly. My mind was blank. I couldn’t decide the best way to reply. I’ll think it over for awhile and see what comes to me. (Call Gene, whispered my little voice. I ignored it.)
I did breakfast dishes and returned other emails. Thirty minutes later nothing was coming. (Ask Gene. My little voice was back. I ignored it.)
I’ll let it simmer a while longer. I did my workout. Still nothing. (Call Gene. He will know how to respond.) My little voice—the Holy Spirit—would not be ignored this time.
I gave up ignoring my not-so-little voice and immediately called his number.
“Hey, hon, I got this email. What do you think I should do?” That didn’t even hurt.
“Well, what are you thinking?”
“I was thinking. . .”
“That’s what I was going to say, too.”
Peace. I was calmed by overall peace where only a few minutes before I was in confusion.
Sometimes I act like such a little child, thinking I have to do everything on my own. Sure, I ask Gene to help with the “man stuff”—hang a picture, take the dog out at night, take down the light fixture so I can wash it. But the stuff that’s my size, I try to do all by myself, because I’m a big girl and I can handle it. Right? Well, yes, I suppose I can, but do I have to handle everything I can by myself?
Of course not. When we married, God made Gene and I one. We are here for each other. I help him and he helps me. He would do it more often if I would just swallow my pride, listen to my little voice, and ask. Guys have perspective that we don’t. Ask for his thoughts on a dealing with a difficult friend, how to handle a situation at work, or if you should say yes to the latest desperate request for your help.
Even big girls ask for help.
What do you need to ask your man to help you with or give his opinion regarding?

June 1, 2010

I Did Not Sign Up For This

Filed under: Disappointment,Encouragement,Failure,Hard Times,Index cards,Interruptions,Overwhelmed women,celebrate life,discouragement,priorities — Brenda @ 4:13 pm

I started the morning doing something not on my index card list—cleaning up the dog’s mess. I’ll let your imagination or perhaps your personal experiences fill in the details for you. While doing this with the best of attitudes, I declared loudly for anyone (really everyone) who was in earshot, “There must be a special reward in heaven for moms who clean up pet messes (again fill in your own details).” Seriously, I did not sign up for this.
As I was scrubbing brown from Kerry’s light blue carpet the thought occurred to me, Moms days are filled with things not on their index card. It’s their job description. Of course, the same can be said for every woman. For the most part, we are the core of our families and the nurturers (even at work). We make it happen for those who rely on us.
So how do we marry the urgent, which many times is important, with the list on our index cards?
• Know Your Priorities. I know I have said this a million times, but it is core to fulfilling the life God has for you. How else did Jesus know to stop for the woman who had been bleeding for twelve years, yet not stop for others who were also in great need? (Luke 8:43-48) Jesus knew and lived His priorities.
• Sensitivity to the Holy Spirit. I know this can sound a little vague, but when we lay down our agendas, fears, prejudices, all the things we have told God we will never do, and sinful habits we can more clearly hear the guiding of the Holy Spirit. Then we too can know who we are to take time for and who is not ours to take time for.
• Reign in Your Time Killers. Who or what kills your time? TV, facebook, texting, phone calls, a needy co-worker who never gets enough of you? We give these time killers precious time from our day that could be used for something God has for us, even if it’s ten minutes of peace and quiet before the next urgency presents itself (I was eating a stack of delicious pancakes when Kerry discovered the dog’s mess in my room.) We are big girls now. No more excuses. Reign in your time killers. Give them the appropriate amount of time (some may need to go altogether) and then get on to the next thing.
Kerry’s carpet is clean and drying now. The blog is done and I’m off to the next thing on my index card. My day most likely won’t look like I planned, but it will be what God planned.
How do you handle that for which you did not sign up for in your life?

April 14, 2010

Bible Study Tuesday: Discouragement–Not So Innocent

Filed under: Bible Study,Confidence,Encouragement,Failure,Fighting Fear,Overwhelmed women,Princess Unaware,Trusting God,Writing/authors,confident living,discouragement,parenting — Brenda @ 1:55 am

If I had to identify the most effective weapon the enemy uses to get me off track from my fabulous life—in any area—my marriage, parenting, relationships, ministry, taking care of my health—it is discouragement. I like to see the results of my efforts, so discouragement is a sure-fire way to get me out of the game.
• In my relationships with my girls I give and give. I make the best decisions I can and do the best for them that I can. Then when they behave thoughtlessly or only seem to want more, I become a discouraged mom. Why am I a mom anyway?
• Or I exercise and eat right, resisting high-fat, high-salt foods, in hopes of losing a few pounds in my tummy then I get on the scale to see no weight loss. Why do I try?
• I work hard at the ministry God has given me—many hours spent at the computer writing and preparing for an event. I do the best with the time I have, but I don’t see the results I would like. Why does God have me in this ministry?
• But more often discouragement comes to me in whispers from the enemy:
~You won’t get done on time.
~This won’t be good. (in relation to my messages)
~You won’t be good enough. (in relation to my presentation)
~They already know this. You’re the loser who just figured this out.
But mostly the enemy haunts me with You won’t be good enough.
When I start believing only what I can see I get discouraged and feel hopeless. I want to just sit somewhere with my head down and feel sorry for myself. I am so deserving of a little pity, aren’t I?

Do you ever get discouraged? Can you relate to any areas I shared? For you young moms, you are really ripe for discouragement attacks. Most of what you do every day, all day, needs to be redone immediately or goes unnoticed (unless of course you don’t do it!). And society talks a big talk, but it does not reward or hold in high esteem what we do. When I get discouraged in my mothering and homemaking (which is what we do!) and my husband is clueless to how I feel even though he tries to understand, I always tell him he can’t understand. He may not be as appreciated at work as he should be, but every week he gets a paycheck that puts value on what he does. Moms don’t get paychecks or much appreciation. So when we’ve had “one of those days” we can be easily discouraged.

Discouragement leads to disobedience.
God has much to say about discouragement. The Bible is full of references to and stories about folks who were discouraged in doing God’s work and will. This morning I want to look at a hero of mine—Joshua. Joshua is taking on a huge job with a nation of more than a million people from a hugely successful leader. This guy has got to be shaking in his sandals at the handoff.
Let’s take a look at Joshua 1:1-9. What a pep talk! Don’t you wish God would show up in your kitchen every morning as you are getting your first cup of coffee with a pep talk like this?
“Now therefore arise, cross this Jordan. . .to the land which I am giving you. . .”
Actually He does. If you only need to open your Bible to this section and read it while you sip your coffee quietly so no little one hears you and gets up too.
Another reason Joshua needed to be reassured of his calling and God’s power in it, is that he had seen first-hand how difficult Israel could be. Back in Numbers 13 Moses sends Joshua, Caleb and ten other men to check out the Promised Land and see how to best take it. Let’s take a look at their report. Numbers 13:27-33. This report leads to huge discouragement. They were discouraged because they saw only the challenges and factored God out. Num. 14:1-4. And look at what their discouragement leads to. Read v.5-10. Their discouragement leads to disobedience.
When we fall for what seems pathetic but innocent discouragement, we are being deceived by the enemy. Because what comes next is always disobedience. One disobedience that is common to all our discouragements is pride—my thoughts and focus turn to me—it’s all about me!
Look back at my list of discouragements and see other ways discouragement leads to disobedience.
• My discouragement as a mom leads to disobedience because I get angry at the girls and/or I sulk/withdraw.
• My discouragement with taking care of my body leads to the disobedience of a binge of chocolate cake (with fudgy icing) and giving into excuses why I don’t have time to exercise.
• My discouragement in ministry leads to the disobedience of disbelief—me doubting God, me believing that God dumped me off on the side of the road so He could pick up someone else, someone who will be a great speaker and writer, someone He can really use.
• My discouragement from listening to Satan’s lies leads to disobedience in that my work is slowed down. I don’t have the confidence and conviction that God will and is speaking to me and preparing me for His use.
Discouragement leads to disobedience.
You: Application
What disobedience does your discouragement lead to? What is the enemy’s main method of discouraging you? What disobedience does that lead to? You can interact with God over this in our 3 minutes of prayer.
But how will you and I overcome this discouragement so we can move on to obedience?
Let’s take one more look at our hero, Joshua—14:7-9. In Joshua’s words we see how he overcame discouragement to move on to obedience (in Joshua 1).
• He identified the good God had for them. What blessings does God have for you now and as you persevere in obedience? Fulfilling relationships; a home that is fun, welcoming, and says, “Stay awhile”; Good health, no matter what the scale says. V. 7
• He acknowledged God in the midst of their efforts. Discouragement takes God out of our situation. V. 8
• He knew Who was to be feared and not to fear the job God gave them. Discouragement causes us to fear what God has called us to. “I am not a good enough mom”; I will never get this house in order; I can’t keep up with work and home. V. 9
• He knew God had their back, front, sides—God had them covered. He has every situation and person in your life covered, too. V. 9
• Because of that we are not to fear, but trust God. V. 9
Which of these truths do you need to apply to your life?
Don’t let discouragement keep you from the fabulous life God has for you.

We can do this, girls. When you start to feel discouragement creeping in immediately identify it and know it is not from God. It is never God talking to you. Then grab it, swing it up and over your head, and give it a fling. Take whatever is troubling you to the Lord and soak in your relationship with Him and then get back to work!

April 11, 2010

The Amazing Index Card

Filed under: Confidence,Encouragement,Failure,Index cards,Not perfect,Organization,Overwhelmed women,confident living,discouragement,priorities — Brenda @ 2:12 am

You know I’m all about confidently living your calling. And while much of confidently living our callings depends on believing God’s truth, some of it boils down to just getting our acts together. How many times have you gotten your act together but then couldn’t remember where you put it. Old joke, I know, but so true.
My organizational anxiety lies not only in not finding my act, but in the always present nagging in my mind that I’ve forgotten something—not a small-no-one-will-notice something, but a big-everything-depends-on-this-detail something.
A couple of weeks ago God gave me a recollection and revelation on how to get my brain together and alleviate its nagging. I remembered a few years ago a friend took me to the airport. I noticed on her dashboard an index card with a list of everything she needed to do that day. I remember thinking That’s cool. Now I know how she remembers everything she does. Then my thoughts turned to wondering if I would be able to figure out the new kiosk at the airport to get my ticket.
Back to the present and why this all matters–One area of my kitchen counter space is a mess.( Once my precious mother-in-law said to me, “Why don’t you clean up that mess?” You must know she was a dear woman and never interfered, and even then she wasn’t interfering, just wondering. ) It is full of papers, a jar of markers, stapler, tape, etc. Paper control is not my thing. Also I have this fear (and it is based on past experiences) that if I put something away I won’t be able to find it or I will forget about it all together. So my mind feels more in control if I can see everything—yep, the whole mess.
The day of my recollection and revelation I was standing at the messy counter wondering how I would deal with it all. I’m not sure how God started the conversation, but I remember He said to me—List everything you need to do tomorrow on an index card.
I thought What a great idea! The Amazing Index Card Principle!
• I use one index card for every day.
• Write the day at the top.
• One the left side list what needs to be done today. If there are more tasks than lines you have too much going on and you need to prioritize and purge.
• On the right side list items that need to be soon but not today. I also like to list projects I need to think about before I start them or errands to be ran when I get out.
• As you finish a task check it off. The best part!
• At the end of the day transfer the items that did not get done to the next day’s card or move an item from the right to the left.
A couple of precautions:
• Don’t let this amazing index card become a tyrant master. The index card is to help you not enslave you.
• The index card never trumps relationships. This week was Kerry’s spring break so we painted her room. The second day of painting we worked so long that I didn’t get to most of the items on the card. No big deal—they transferred to the next.
Since I have been using my precious, amazing index cards (never one for Sunday—day off!), I have experienced much less stress. I cleaned off the messy counter space and I don’t worry about where the papers and details have gone. It’s all on my index card. I am making progress on projects that used to haunt me. One more benefit—when all the items are crossed off the card, I’m done for the day! Adding more items is not allowed. My oldest daughter is an artist and a procrastinator. She has been using her index cards and feels so accomplished.
I hope this idea helps. I would love to hear if it does and I would love for you to share any simple organizational tips that work for you.

March 30, 2010

Bible Study Tuesday–Looking Over Our Shoulder

Filed under: Bible Study,Christian living,Comparison,Confidence,Encouragement,Life as God's Girl,Overwhelmed women,Princess Unaware,Relationship with God,Trusting God,Walking with God,confident living,discouragement,priorities,saying no — Brenda @ 7:16 pm

Princess Unaware–Chapter 8
Principle of Blinders
God is so fun, isn’t He? Last week after I spoke on setting and living our priorities, I had to opportunity to put it into practice. My schedule had taken on a life of its own, dragging me along for fun. It needed to be tamed, but that meant that certain people who did not make the top of my list were not going to be happy when they discovered that fact.
Also, I talked with my doctor’s nurse last week and my high blood pressure is here to stay, so exercise and eating right will take permanent residence at the top of my priority list.
It was not a fun week of living out my priorities. I was misunderstood. I don’t have much discretionary time as my friends so I must say no often. Ick. I hate that. I want to be part of the party instead of at home working. Don’t get me wrong. I love the life God has given me, but I want it all—all my life and some of what others have as well. They seem to have lots of time to have lunch and hang out. They don’t seem to have deadlines nipping at their heels, or young adult kids randomly popping in and out, calling, texting, or needing rides. I love it, but like I said I’m tempted to want it all—the full, satisfying role of mom/author and the free time to do with what I like.
We: Identification
What about you? Do you find yourself looking into a friend’s life and wishing you had part of it? Do you ever look at a friend and wish you had her waistline, curly hair, or porcelain complexion? Do you ever wish your husband was as spiritual as hers?
I think most women struggle with the temptation to compare any or all parts of our lives to someone else’s. It is a most effective tool of Satan’s, because we compare the area we feel we are lacking to the area we feel is their strength and we come up short. Then we sit in our self-pity and are useless.
God: Solution
That is one reason God instructs us to not compare ourselves to others. In John 21 Jesus gave Peter strong words regarding this temptation.
At the beginning of John 21we find the disciples feeling and acting like lost boys. Jesus has appeared to them off and on, but He hasn’t given them a final word of mission. They don’t know what’s next (a whole other lesson), so they are hanging around. They go back to what they know—fishing. They don’t catch anything. Then Jesus showed up and told them to try on the right side of the boat. They caught more fish than they can handle. Finally they discover it’s Jesus. Peter was so excited that he jumped out of the boat and swam to shore. Jesus had prepared a fire with fish cooking and fresh bread. They ate their first meal together since the Last Supper. What a great time!
After breakfast Jesus talked directly to Peter. (verses 15-18) He gave Peter the chance to express his love for Jesus after his denial of Jesus before His crucifixion. Jesus also gave Peter his life mission—feeding and shepherding the church.
Think about all Peter enjoyed in this short morning—seeing Jesus, eating a perfect breakfast with his resurrected Lord, the sweetest of fellowship, hope restored, a personal commissioning by Jesus. Does it get any better?
What did Peter do next? Something silly like we would do—(verse 20-21) Peter turned around—away from the intimate conversation he was having with Christ—and saw John following them. In this context “see” means to know, behold, consider, have knowledge of. This was more than a glance to see who’s behind him. Peter turned his attention from Jesus to behold and consider what Jesus had for John—as if it’s any of his business.
So Peter asked Jesus, “What about him?” I don’t know if Peter was feeling especially “in” with Jesus or thought he had been elevated to “vice-Savior” in this conversation. For whatever reason Peter stepped outside what’s his and into what’s not his.
Jesus responded in His classic non fuzzy style—“If I want him to remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow Me!”
There are two messages we need to get here.
First, in essence Jesus is saying—No matter if I give your friend
• A husband who is a spiritual leader
• Four perfectly behaved children
• Legs that never stop
• Barbie’s waist and bustline
• Enough money for all her needs and wants
• An incredible career
• A successful, exciting ministry
• In-laws that are helpful and supportive
No matter if I give her all these things (which you will assume she has from your vantage point of comparison), “what’s that to you?” In other words it’s not our business. It’s getting our noses into “what’s not ours.” Here Jesus is telling us without a doubt or loophole to mind our own business. [Farmer visual here.]
The next thing Jesus is telling us is, “You follow Me!” This is the second time in a short conversation that Jesus told Peter to follow Him (verse 19). Now the second time, Jesus is more explicit. He lets Peter know exactly what He wants him to do—Follow Me!
Follow here means to “be in the same way,” “to accompany.” Peter was to follow where Jesus led him. As Jesus previously told Peter, that would be to feed and shepherd the church—as if that weren’t enough!
Jesus’ words are for us too. “You follow Me!” We are to put on our blinders and see only what is ours from Christ. We are not to lift them as Peter did and look at what is our friends’ from Christ. Jesus tells us to follow Him. To go where He leads us.
You: Application
This week notice how many times you are either tempted to or actually do compare any part of your life or yourself to others. Acknowledge the thought (don’t deny it) then address it–Is this mine or is this not mine?
If it’s not yours, then don’t concern yourself with it. Elizabeth Elliott said, “I am to mind my own business and I have discovered that very few things are my business.” (my paraphrase)
Praise God for all He is blessing your friends with and then get your focus back on Jesus’ plan for you.
• Make a list of your husband’s best qualities.
• Make a list of the things each of your children do that makes you smile.
• Make a list of the five things you love about your home.
Then change the next diaper. Switch the next load of laundry. Do whatever the next thing is God has given you to do. It probably won’t be glamorous or exciting, but it’s yours!
Conclusion:
If it’s on your to-do list from the Lord, it has eternal value!
We: Inspiration
Oh, what freedom and joy we would experience if we would never again compare or behold our sister’s life. If we would feel her pain, celebrate in her victories, and love her as we love ourselves. Oh, what freedom and joy we would experience if we would stay in step with our Lord.

Who do you most often turn around from your relationship with Christ to “behold” the good things in their lives? How will you stop and keep your focus on following Christ? I would love to hear.

February 9, 2010

What’s Enough?

Filed under: Confidence,Others' expectations,Overwhelmed women,Perfectionism,Success,Writing/authors,confident living,discouragement,priorities,saying no — Brenda @ 5:17 pm

Since my writing/speaking ministry has grown to somewhere past part-time and very close to full-time, I have received advice to get myself out there more–facebook, blog, twitter, newsletters, etc. And while this is excellent marketing advice, I have found it very difficult. Even though I have pruned my life and I am living my priorities, I am still the mom, the wife, and the chief operating officer and administrative assistant of the Garrison household (Gene being the CEO). I have many responsibilities that only I can do. That leaves me with a limited chunk of time to devote to ministry.

I also have found that most of the advice comes from men, who do not have the 24/7 responsibilities of the COO.  (I know this sounds sexist, but statics support the fact that women still do the majority of parenting and household chores.) Those who do more often have back up help–backed by a ministry, administrative, etc.

Other women often share with me their similar story. “I would love to write, but I don’t have time. I work outside the home and then when I get home I have my family to take care of. ” However, from men I hear, “I would love to write, I just need to make myself.”

 Again, please know I am not man-bashing. I do, however, want to help women answer what’s enough when the world demands more? We all have full lives and there seems to always be someone telling us we should do more.

  • Volunteer more
  • Workout more
  • Take more “me time”
  • Spend more time in Bible study and prayer
  • Be more like someone else–mother-in-law, sister, the pastor’s wife, the neighbor, (fill in your blank)

I beat myself up with this “more” club for months–trying to do better, but mostly feeling guilty and unworthy because I wasn’t doing more. Finally when I didn’t have the strength to lift the club one more time, God gently lifted my chin from the ground and said, “You are doing enough. But you are trying to do My  job. I will take care of the results.”

Really, God? Really? Aren’t I failing you if I don’t . . . .?

God doesn’t often repeat Himself with me even though I’m a slow, hard-headed learner. This time was no exception. His silence reaffirmed His initial words of comfort. ”I will take care of the results.”

A precious woman who lived long ago also felt she was not enough. Her story is in 2 Kings 4:1-7. She was a widow with debt that she could not pay. Her sons were about to be taken into slavery to pay the debt. But God intervened through Elisha. Elisha asked what she had. She replied only a pot of oil. Elisha told her to go to the neighbors and borrow all kinds of empty vessels–and not a few, but as many as she could. Then she was to pour oil from her pot into the other pots. When the last pot was full the oil stopped. She sold the oil, paid off the debt, and had plenty to live on. What she had, a little pot of oil, was enough. God took care of the results. 

Where do you feel not doing enough? Are people expecting, even demanding more from you? What God told me is true for you, too. ”You are doing enough. You are trying to do my job. I will take care of the results.”

Listen, it is easy to let stuff and people creep into our lives that have no business there. When our lives are stuffed we will never feel like we do enough. To prune the stuff and people that have no business in our lives:

  • Get with God and ask Him to show you what or who needs to go. Maybe seek wise godly counsel in this area. Cut them from your life our drastically limit your time spent there. I know, easier said than done, but you can do it in order to live God’s plan for your life.
  • Determine your priorities.
  • Plan how your life would look if you lived them.
  • Live it. Your priorities first. One day at a time. It’s a process.

Living this way is not failing God. It’s doing what God designed you to do. It’s letting God do His part to work through you and bless you.  There will always be someone who wants more from you, but to your heavenly Father you are enough.