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May 4, 2010

Bible Study Tuesday–Really the Last One

Filed under: Bible Study,Christian living,Comparison,Confidence,Encouragement,Life as God's Girl,Princess Unaware,Relationship with God,Walking with God,celebrate life,confident living,next step in life,persistence,priorities — Brenda @ 11:55 pm

This week was my answers to your questions. In the notes below I answer two questions. However, a third question came in at the last minute and I discussed it without notes. Let me know if you would like the information we discussed on difficult relationships and I will work it up for next week.

The Journey

Both of the questions I received this week can be answered in a discussion on “The Journey.” That’s what you are about to begin. You have finished Princess Unaware and hopefully you have lots to think about and put into practice in your years to come—in your journey. So I want to discuss a few things to encourage you and help you persevere on your journey.
First, I’m not sure if we discussed what I mean by “your calling.” Your calling is the fabulous life God planned for you. It is the family you have, your spiritual gifts, your talents, maybe a career, your ministry—anything God brings to into your life for you to do. He also gives us a passion. Is there something or a group of someone’s that you want to help? A cause or ministry that you are dying to contribute to? The answer to those questions is your passion.
One question I received asked if our callings could change. Depending on how you define calling I would say yes. God can do whatever He likes in our lives. I do believe our gifts are pretty much ours for life. I have been very much who I am today all my life. It has taken many years for me to acknowledge and embrace that though. My passion is for women to know God’s truth and for them to live fabulous lives as a result of living in that truth. Sometimes I am passionate about moms of little ones, or moms of teens, or women in general.
Now we can discuss our journey. The details will look different for everyone, but it will be much the same for everyone.
I began my journey when I married Gene. I didn’t know it then, but the man he is and the life we have lived together has perfectly prepared and launched me in the journey God planned for me. As I shared before, many years ago, before Kerry was born God put in me a desire to speak God’s truth to women. It started small and I didn’t know what I was feeling at first. Over the months it grew and because it seemed to impossible and not at all “my style” I ignored it like a package delivered to the wrong address but with no return address. What do I do with it? It’s here and it’s not going anywhere.
The desire grew and finally I had the nerve to share it with Gene. After more months of frustration because I had this thing in me and I didn’t know what to do with it or how to quiet it, Gene urged me to do the only thing we knew to do—I had a friend whose sister-in-law was a writer. So I talked with her then with the sister-in-law. Nothing happened from those conversations, but that was then God started moving events along.
God: Solution
Let’s look briefly at another hero of mine—Caleb. Joshua 14. Caleb has a great story about his journey. Back Story in Numbers 14. Start reading Joshua 14:6.
Verse 7—Caleb was 40 when he was given his big mission. 40. Caleb spent those 40 years becoming the man we see in Numbers 14. You girls are so young. You are in the years of laying your foundation and of taking your roots deep in the Lord. Do it well. You are going to need all the strength and wisdom of the Lord to raise your families.
Verse 8—Read it. Which of these will we be—will we cause others’ faith to fail or will we “follow the LORD my God wholeheartedly.” The NASB reads, “I followed the LORD my God fully.”
Verse 9 goes on to quote Moses commending Caleb and promising him the land he spied out because “you have followed the LORD my God fully.”
Verse 10—Caleb “followed the LORD fully” for 45 more years. That’s a lifetime of dedication and focus on living for God.
Verse11—I believe because of this Caleb states, “I am still as strong today as I was in the day Moses sent me; as my strength was then, so my strength is now, for war and for going out and coming in.”
Verse 12—He asks for the hill country with the giants and fortified cities. He believes God for big things as God promised.
Verse 14—Hebron became Caleb’s, but he had to fight for it. And he did because “he followed the LORD fully.”
You: Application
What can we learn about our journey from Caleb and his amazing journey?
• Follow God fully all our days.
• This is a lifelong assignment. Discuss the hazards of today’s society to make an idol out of everyone making it seem they are the norm.
• Keep your blinders on. Don’t compare. Everyone’s assignment is different.
• God is not in a hurry. Caleb was 85 years old before he took his promised territory! Why are we in such a hurry? We have all the life God has given us and He doesn’t intend on wasting a minute of it.
• Stay strong physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. And get your house in order—literally. The organizing you do today will make your ability to move when God says move possible and immediate because you won’t be looking for the car keys, unpacking the suitcases from last summer’s vacation, or trying to pay the overdue bills.
• Believe and live the truth—As long as you are alive, God has a plan and mission for you. Nowhere in the Bible does God promise retirement.

Congratulations, you are the strong confident princesses. Live it well!

April 27, 2010

Bible Study Tuesday–Princess Unaware–A Few One More Things

Filed under: Bible Study,Christian living,Confidence,Encouragement,Hard Times,Life as God's Girl,Others' expectations,Princess Unaware,Relationship with God,Risks,The Unknown,Trusting God,Waiting on God,Walking with God,adventure,celebrate life,confident living,moms,next step in life,parenting — Brenda @ 7:06 pm

This is the last of the notes for Princess Unaware. Next week I will have questions and answers from the Bible study group.

I am famous for my “one more things.” After a conversation I have been known to call back with “one more thing.” With the gals I have mentored I have been known to email “one more thing.” My mind isn’t as quick as I would like and often after I’ve had a chance to think things through I come up with “one more thing” I would like to add.
So today as we finish this study I want to give you “a few one more things” that I want you to take and never forget and live out—things that we discussed that are important and things that we didn’t get a chance to talk enough about.

Here we go:
~God is crazy about you. Never ever forget and constantly remind yourself that God loves you. He wants a relationship with you—stuff and all. Visual aid with wagon full of stuff.
~Live a life worthy of the Lord. Colossians 1:10. Sure we all have stuff, but let’s give it to God and not wallow in it. No more making excuses for the way we are. What not to be—2 Timothy 3:6-7. Take what we have learned and live like God’s princesses.
~Throw off the fear. We’ve talked about this often this study. Fear makes us ineffective and it’s not God’s plan for us. 2 Timothy 1:7. A fearful attitude is not from God. This leads to the next one. . .
~Live with confidence—in your relationships; your marriage, your parenting, your ministry. We can because the last half of 2 Timothy 1:7 says, but a spirit “of power and love and discipline.”
• Power–We have the Holy Spirit in us and thru us. Our obedience with the Holy Spirit’s power accomplishes great things in our lives. Keep your accounts short with God and others. Then yield to what God wants, what He shows us next to do no matter how small. His Spirit then works through us to accomplish His plan and what we couldn’t do otherwise.
• Love –what is best for the other person. Let this definition guide you in your relationships.
• Discipline—woman up. Our lives are too important to waste on things that don’t matter. Take care of yourselves, your homes, your families, grow your relationship with the Lord, step out in faith to the next exciting thing He has for you.
~Get a mentor. I cannot tell you the depth my life has been changed by my mentor. Also, I cannot tell you how I have been blessed by the women I have mentored. Prayerfully consider who God would have you to ask. Your life will never be the same. When choosing my mentor I looked to a woman who was where I wanted to be when I was her age. Also consider being a mentor.
~When you don’t know what to do next, find out. Ask God or your mentor or someone who knows. James 1:5.
~Keep your mouths shut. Don’t say anything about anyone that you don’t want them to know you said. It will get back to them. James 3:3-12. I have sinned in this area and been caught and called on in it. People were hurt. It’s easy to avoid. Just don’t say anything about anybody. You will be surprised at the new depths your conversations go and at the freedom of not worrying if anything will be repeated.
~Quit caring about others’ opinions of you and your family. Matthew 15:1-14. Read v. 12-13. If you live the fabulous life God has for you, you will become a target for others to offer their opinions of how you are doing life all wrong. Go back through each of these points and live them. That is where your fabulous life is—not trying to keep others happy.
~Life is hard. God is faithful. Judges 6:1-16. Read 1-10. The Israelites were suffering because of their own disobedience.
Read v. 11-13. You may now be living the consequences of others’ sins and wondering why God abandoned you.
Read v. 14. “Go in the strength you have.” Do what you can do and then a little more (we all have a little more when pressed). Go back to the above instructions—get godly counsel. Don’t hide out in the winepress. Get in the game.
~”Am I not sending you?” Have you heard these words from God. Staying in the winepress, hiding from life is not an option. Yes, life is hard, but I have never done passed what I thought I could ever do and known God more than when I was facing an impossible-beyond-me situation and He said to me, “Am I not sending you?”
Read v. 15. I, too, responded as Gideon in v. 15, “But Lord, how can I? You know my background, my insecurities. I am not the best one for the job.”
Read v. 16. God has always been faithful to equip me, help me, put words in my mouth and strength in my legs as I stand and say what He wanted me to say.
Why do we look at others and think they have it all together so God is using them powerfully? Instead why don’t we look at others doing what God called them to and praise God for working mightily in them and through them? He will do the same for us.
You, precious warrior Princesses of the Lord’s, have so much of your fabulous life ahead of you. Wear your crown well.

I would love your comments or questions from this study. I will answer them next week.

April 14, 2010

Bible Study Tuesday: Discouragement–Not So Innocent

Filed under: Bible Study,Confidence,Encouragement,Failure,Fighting Fear,Overwhelmed women,Princess Unaware,Trusting God,Writing/authors,confident living,discouragement,parenting — Brenda @ 1:55 am

If I had to identify the most effective weapon the enemy uses to get me off track from my fabulous life—in any area—my marriage, parenting, relationships, ministry, taking care of my health—it is discouragement. I like to see the results of my efforts, so discouragement is a sure-fire way to get me out of the game.
• In my relationships with my girls I give and give. I make the best decisions I can and do the best for them that I can. Then when they behave thoughtlessly or only seem to want more, I become a discouraged mom. Why am I a mom anyway?
• Or I exercise and eat right, resisting high-fat, high-salt foods, in hopes of losing a few pounds in my tummy then I get on the scale to see no weight loss. Why do I try?
• I work hard at the ministry God has given me—many hours spent at the computer writing and preparing for an event. I do the best with the time I have, but I don’t see the results I would like. Why does God have me in this ministry?
• But more often discouragement comes to me in whispers from the enemy:
~You won’t get done on time.
~This won’t be good. (in relation to my messages)
~You won’t be good enough. (in relation to my presentation)
~They already know this. You’re the loser who just figured this out.
But mostly the enemy haunts me with You won’t be good enough.
When I start believing only what I can see I get discouraged and feel hopeless. I want to just sit somewhere with my head down and feel sorry for myself. I am so deserving of a little pity, aren’t I?

Do you ever get discouraged? Can you relate to any areas I shared? For you young moms, you are really ripe for discouragement attacks. Most of what you do every day, all day, needs to be redone immediately or goes unnoticed (unless of course you don’t do it!). And society talks a big talk, but it does not reward or hold in high esteem what we do. When I get discouraged in my mothering and homemaking (which is what we do!) and my husband is clueless to how I feel even though he tries to understand, I always tell him he can’t understand. He may not be as appreciated at work as he should be, but every week he gets a paycheck that puts value on what he does. Moms don’t get paychecks or much appreciation. So when we’ve had “one of those days” we can be easily discouraged.

Discouragement leads to disobedience.
God has much to say about discouragement. The Bible is full of references to and stories about folks who were discouraged in doing God’s work and will. This morning I want to look at a hero of mine—Joshua. Joshua is taking on a huge job with a nation of more than a million people from a hugely successful leader. This guy has got to be shaking in his sandals at the handoff.
Let’s take a look at Joshua 1:1-9. What a pep talk! Don’t you wish God would show up in your kitchen every morning as you are getting your first cup of coffee with a pep talk like this?
“Now therefore arise, cross this Jordan. . .to the land which I am giving you. . .”
Actually He does. If you only need to open your Bible to this section and read it while you sip your coffee quietly so no little one hears you and gets up too.
Another reason Joshua needed to be reassured of his calling and God’s power in it, is that he had seen first-hand how difficult Israel could be. Back in Numbers 13 Moses sends Joshua, Caleb and ten other men to check out the Promised Land and see how to best take it. Let’s take a look at their report. Numbers 13:27-33. This report leads to huge discouragement. They were discouraged because they saw only the challenges and factored God out. Num. 14:1-4. And look at what their discouragement leads to. Read v.5-10. Their discouragement leads to disobedience.
When we fall for what seems pathetic but innocent discouragement, we are being deceived by the enemy. Because what comes next is always disobedience. One disobedience that is common to all our discouragements is pride—my thoughts and focus turn to me—it’s all about me!
Look back at my list of discouragements and see other ways discouragement leads to disobedience.
• My discouragement as a mom leads to disobedience because I get angry at the girls and/or I sulk/withdraw.
• My discouragement with taking care of my body leads to the disobedience of a binge of chocolate cake (with fudgy icing) and giving into excuses why I don’t have time to exercise.
• My discouragement in ministry leads to the disobedience of disbelief—me doubting God, me believing that God dumped me off on the side of the road so He could pick up someone else, someone who will be a great speaker and writer, someone He can really use.
• My discouragement from listening to Satan’s lies leads to disobedience in that my work is slowed down. I don’t have the confidence and conviction that God will and is speaking to me and preparing me for His use.
Discouragement leads to disobedience.
You: Application
What disobedience does your discouragement lead to? What is the enemy’s main method of discouraging you? What disobedience does that lead to? You can interact with God over this in our 3 minutes of prayer.
But how will you and I overcome this discouragement so we can move on to obedience?
Let’s take one more look at our hero, Joshua—14:7-9. In Joshua’s words we see how he overcame discouragement to move on to obedience (in Joshua 1).
• He identified the good God had for them. What blessings does God have for you now and as you persevere in obedience? Fulfilling relationships; a home that is fun, welcoming, and says, “Stay awhile”; Good health, no matter what the scale says. V. 7
• He acknowledged God in the midst of their efforts. Discouragement takes God out of our situation. V. 8
• He knew Who was to be feared and not to fear the job God gave them. Discouragement causes us to fear what God has called us to. “I am not a good enough mom”; I will never get this house in order; I can’t keep up with work and home. V. 9
• He knew God had their back, front, sides—God had them covered. He has every situation and person in your life covered, too. V. 9
• Because of that we are not to fear, but trust God. V. 9
Which of these truths do you need to apply to your life?
Don’t let discouragement keep you from the fabulous life God has for you.

We can do this, girls. When you start to feel discouragement creeping in immediately identify it and know it is not from God. It is never God talking to you. Then grab it, swing it up and over your head, and give it a fling. Take whatever is troubling you to the Lord and soak in your relationship with Him and then get back to work!

March 30, 2010

Bible Study Tuesday–Looking Over Our Shoulder

Filed under: Bible Study,Christian living,Comparison,Confidence,Encouragement,Life as God's Girl,Overwhelmed women,Princess Unaware,Relationship with God,Trusting God,Walking with God,confident living,discouragement,priorities,saying no — Brenda @ 7:16 pm

Princess Unaware–Chapter 8
Principle of Blinders
God is so fun, isn’t He? Last week after I spoke on setting and living our priorities, I had to opportunity to put it into practice. My schedule had taken on a life of its own, dragging me along for fun. It needed to be tamed, but that meant that certain people who did not make the top of my list were not going to be happy when they discovered that fact.
Also, I talked with my doctor’s nurse last week and my high blood pressure is here to stay, so exercise and eating right will take permanent residence at the top of my priority list.
It was not a fun week of living out my priorities. I was misunderstood. I don’t have much discretionary time as my friends so I must say no often. Ick. I hate that. I want to be part of the party instead of at home working. Don’t get me wrong. I love the life God has given me, but I want it all—all my life and some of what others have as well. They seem to have lots of time to have lunch and hang out. They don’t seem to have deadlines nipping at their heels, or young adult kids randomly popping in and out, calling, texting, or needing rides. I love it, but like I said I’m tempted to want it all—the full, satisfying role of mom/author and the free time to do with what I like.
We: Identification
What about you? Do you find yourself looking into a friend’s life and wishing you had part of it? Do you ever look at a friend and wish you had her waistline, curly hair, or porcelain complexion? Do you ever wish your husband was as spiritual as hers?
I think most women struggle with the temptation to compare any or all parts of our lives to someone else’s. It is a most effective tool of Satan’s, because we compare the area we feel we are lacking to the area we feel is their strength and we come up short. Then we sit in our self-pity and are useless.
God: Solution
That is one reason God instructs us to not compare ourselves to others. In John 21 Jesus gave Peter strong words regarding this temptation.
At the beginning of John 21we find the disciples feeling and acting like lost boys. Jesus has appeared to them off and on, but He hasn’t given them a final word of mission. They don’t know what’s next (a whole other lesson), so they are hanging around. They go back to what they know—fishing. They don’t catch anything. Then Jesus showed up and told them to try on the right side of the boat. They caught more fish than they can handle. Finally they discover it’s Jesus. Peter was so excited that he jumped out of the boat and swam to shore. Jesus had prepared a fire with fish cooking and fresh bread. They ate their first meal together since the Last Supper. What a great time!
After breakfast Jesus talked directly to Peter. (verses 15-18) He gave Peter the chance to express his love for Jesus after his denial of Jesus before His crucifixion. Jesus also gave Peter his life mission—feeding and shepherding the church.
Think about all Peter enjoyed in this short morning—seeing Jesus, eating a perfect breakfast with his resurrected Lord, the sweetest of fellowship, hope restored, a personal commissioning by Jesus. Does it get any better?
What did Peter do next? Something silly like we would do—(verse 20-21) Peter turned around—away from the intimate conversation he was having with Christ—and saw John following them. In this context “see” means to know, behold, consider, have knowledge of. This was more than a glance to see who’s behind him. Peter turned his attention from Jesus to behold and consider what Jesus had for John—as if it’s any of his business.
So Peter asked Jesus, “What about him?” I don’t know if Peter was feeling especially “in” with Jesus or thought he had been elevated to “vice-Savior” in this conversation. For whatever reason Peter stepped outside what’s his and into what’s not his.
Jesus responded in His classic non fuzzy style—“If I want him to remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow Me!”
There are two messages we need to get here.
First, in essence Jesus is saying—No matter if I give your friend
• A husband who is a spiritual leader
• Four perfectly behaved children
• Legs that never stop
• Barbie’s waist and bustline
• Enough money for all her needs and wants
• An incredible career
• A successful, exciting ministry
• In-laws that are helpful and supportive
No matter if I give her all these things (which you will assume she has from your vantage point of comparison), “what’s that to you?” In other words it’s not our business. It’s getting our noses into “what’s not ours.” Here Jesus is telling us without a doubt or loophole to mind our own business. [Farmer visual here.]
The next thing Jesus is telling us is, “You follow Me!” This is the second time in a short conversation that Jesus told Peter to follow Him (verse 19). Now the second time, Jesus is more explicit. He lets Peter know exactly what He wants him to do—Follow Me!
Follow here means to “be in the same way,” “to accompany.” Peter was to follow where Jesus led him. As Jesus previously told Peter, that would be to feed and shepherd the church—as if that weren’t enough!
Jesus’ words are for us too. “You follow Me!” We are to put on our blinders and see only what is ours from Christ. We are not to lift them as Peter did and look at what is our friends’ from Christ. Jesus tells us to follow Him. To go where He leads us.
You: Application
This week notice how many times you are either tempted to or actually do compare any part of your life or yourself to others. Acknowledge the thought (don’t deny it) then address it–Is this mine or is this not mine?
If it’s not yours, then don’t concern yourself with it. Elizabeth Elliott said, “I am to mind my own business and I have discovered that very few things are my business.” (my paraphrase)
Praise God for all He is blessing your friends with and then get your focus back on Jesus’ plan for you.
• Make a list of your husband’s best qualities.
• Make a list of the things each of your children do that makes you smile.
• Make a list of the five things you love about your home.
Then change the next diaper. Switch the next load of laundry. Do whatever the next thing is God has given you to do. It probably won’t be glamorous or exciting, but it’s yours!
Conclusion:
If it’s on your to-do list from the Lord, it has eternal value!
We: Inspiration
Oh, what freedom and joy we would experience if we would never again compare or behold our sister’s life. If we would feel her pain, celebrate in her victories, and love her as we love ourselves. Oh, what freedom and joy we would experience if we would stay in step with our Lord.

Who do you most often turn around from your relationship with Christ to “behold” the good things in their lives? How will you stop and keep your focus on following Christ? I would love to hear.

March 2, 2010

Bible Study Tuesday-When Our Kids Make Decisions We Don't Agree With

Filed under: Christian living,Kids,Not perfect,Others' expectations,Perfectionism,Teens,Transitions in parenting,adult children moving home,life changes,moms,next step in life,parenting,strong-willed kids,young adult children — Brenda @ 8:34 pm

Today was one of those days we took a break from Princess Unaware. I spoke on “When Our Kids Make Choices We Don’t Agree With.” I’m passionate about parents learning to do well relationship with their kids, especially when. . .well, you see in the notes. After you’re done reading I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Were you ever the child making the decision your parent didn’t agree with? How did your parent respond? In a way that continued the relationship or in a way that started to build a wall in the relationship or made the situation worse?

How will you respond when your child who is talented in a sport/activity decides she no longer wants to pursue it and then quits? And you watch the imagined scholarship offers disappear. Doesn’t she realize what she is throwing away?

How will you respond when your child announces her decision to get a tattoo? Or maybe your son wants to get a piercing (or multiple piercings). What will the people at church think?

How will you respond when your child wants to pursue the career that she is passionate about, but that falls short of your dreams for her? She is capable of so much more.

How will you respond when devises a plan that has stupid written all over it and she won’t listen to any amount of reasoning? Why won’t she listen? I certainly know more than she does.

Or maybe your child will choose a path that is, according to God’s Word, sin. Maybe your son will want to move in with a girlfriend or will take illegal drugs. How will respond to your child? Will this decision define your relationship to your child?

Josh McDowell has estimated that somewhere between 60-90% of today’s Christian kids will walk away from the church after they graduate high school. I don’t see that trend changing any time soon. Think about it–if you have 3 kids, the statistics suggest that only one of those kids will be in church of their own free will after high school. You need to decide now how you will respond when your child makes decisions you don’t agree with.

And the zinger here is your child’s decision doesn’t need to be foolish, immoral, or illegal for you to not like it. It might just be a preference. Maybe your precious #3 child who is still walking with the Lord wants to walk with the Lord all the way to Africa or China. Then how will you respond?

Currently how do you respond when your 5-year-old decides grandpa has bad breath and she doesn’t want to kiss or hug him anymore? (He really does have bad breath.) Or when your darling, five year-old Sarah picks out well-worn blue jeans and an oversized tee shirt for her school pictures because they make her “feel happy”?

This is the time of life to prepare your response for when your child makes choices you don’t agree with. Not only is your relationship with your child at stake, but your child’s relationship with God. Kids (big and little) get their vision of God from their parents. How we do relationship with them determines how they see God doing relationship with them. We need to know God and the truth of how He sees and interacts with us.

God’s Solution

We are in excellent company. God is the perfect parent and His kids fall short of his dreams for them all the time and they choose paths that go against His Word (that includes you and me). Let’s look at how God reacts when one of His kids chooses unwisely.

Luke 15:11-12. Don’t we do this for our kids—give them our best for them to benefit? However the father in the parable knew he needed to let his son make his own choice and he did.

Many times parents don’t want to give their kids the opportunity to make their own choices. We want to protect them from negative consequences or failure. Or we don’t want others to think badly of us or our kids.

Wisdom for young moms: Give your kids room to make a few decisions on their own and let the natural consequences help. If your sweetie wants to wear only pink, let it pile up in the laundry. Then she will need to choose something else from her closet that is not pink. It’s just life.

Luke 15:13—This son didn’t wisely invest his money in a new business or education. He “squandered it on loose living.” All his father had saved for him, he wasted.

Luke 15:14-17. The son’s living conditions became so bad that “he came to his senses.” Our kids must come to their senses on their own. We cannot take them there. We can help the process by not rescuing them from the natural consequences of their own bad choices and actions.

Luke 15:18-19. The son repents. He admits his wrongness and his sorry state. Often we make the mistake of again rushing into rescue when there has been no admission of wrong, only crying for help because they are uncomfortable. Even at your child’s young age, don’t start rescuing them. If they misbehave in school, let them take the consequences. If you give the consequences for poor behavior, don’t cut it short. Don’t undermine Dad’s decision. They will figure you out and you will be the cause of the beginning of poor character in your child.

Luke 15:20-24. The son knew he was wrong and had wronged his father. He knew home was better than doing life his way. He came home and when his father saw him coming towards him his heart overflowed with love and compassion for his son and he ran to meet him. God is always ready for relationship with us. He is always standing with open arms for us and our kids. Notice how the father did not embrace the sin, but he embraced his child.

Now What?  How do we respond when our kids make decisions we don’t agree with? How will you respond to your child?

  1. First we need new perspective. I’m sorry to say, but I haven’t seen much grace or love extended to kids (or their parents) when a child makes a poor choice. We must adjust our perspective in light of God’s Word.

Answering a few questions will help realign our perspective.

  1. What’s the Deal? Identify the Choice.
  2. Is the choice a preference? If you read my first book Queen Mom, you learned how I made a big deal out of everything and the disastrous consequences in my relationship with my daughter. Who cares if she stripes her hair purple! Who cares if your 5-year old wears all pink every day? Your teen wants to go to Honduras for a mission trip this summer. Responsible leadership is going, but you just don’t want her to go. It’s a preference that you don’t prefer.
  3. Is this choice foolishness? Has she promised “I’ve got everything under control” but you see a crash-and-burn before she gets down the road?
  4. Is this choice immoral?
  5. Is this choice illegal?
    1. Is this issue worth losing my child over?

Our quick, angry words may severe our relationship with our child and it may take years to rebuild it. We think our kids won’t walk away from us, but if we don’t give them a reason to stay, they will leave or at least relationally disconnect from us.

  1. What’s more important—for you to be right or for you to grow your relationship with your child so you will be there to help him out along the way?

Because without relationship you have nothing—no influence, no say, no opportunity to help. This includes giving/living out an accurate representation of God to our kids. They might not go to church (as statistics support) and they probably have tuned out all talk about God, but they are learning about God in you—in your responses, your words, your actions and how you do life when no one is looking. You truly are the Word of God to them.

You may need to make a decision of the will before the heart follows.

Is your goal in raising and releasing your child to raise a plastic kid that makes all the right choices all the time?

If you have younger kids, now is the time to decide your goal for your parenting. Is your goal to always get the “right” response from your kids? Or do you want your child to build his relationship with God and you? When we try to push kids into a mold, they may cooperate for a while, but as they grow into the person they are, they will seep out of the mold and do their own thing. Wouldn’t it be better if our parenting focused on relationship instead of rules and appearances? This includes building relationship by being available to our kids and then helping them grow in relationship with God by our example.

If you choose to parent with the focus on relationships, you will be teaching your child to grow a deep relationship with the Lord and makes his decisions based on that relationship. Only then will his choices be in the Lord’s will. And even then we may not agree with them.  This type of relationship cannot be grown in a petri dish. It must be grown in the real world. Give your child room to grow this relationship.

  1. Look at yourself, if you dare. Have you made all perfect choices? Were you the girl your future mother-in-law wanted her son to avoid? What have you learned from your mistakes? Depth of character comes from going through hard times with the Lord. We must give our kids room for God to get their attention and not rescue them.
  2. Are you another issue for your child to deal with?

As with all parenting this is not about you—not about how you feel, how embarrassed you are, how put out you are, etc. Keep this about your child and be ready to reconcile and help when your prodigal comes home. Don’t be an issue for your child to deal with. That is one sure way to build relationship, because without relationship you have nothing.

  1. Actions to Match Your New Perspective
    1. Pursue relationship with your child.

God has gone out of His way to have relationship with us. Listen, moms, parenting is all about relationship. Without relationship you have nothing.

We have relationship with our child the same way by knowing our kids will never be perfect. Certain ones will try us more than others. But we must never give up on pursuing relationship with them.

  1. What speaks love to your child? [Tell gum story.]
  1. Bake his favorite cookies or have a frozen pizza, hot from the oven, waiting for when he gets home.
  1. Praise whatever good you see in your child.
  2. Show interest in their lives and friends.
  3. Help where you can without enabling or rescuing.
  4. Be available.
  5. God speaks love to us. Speak love to your child. Lose the I-told-you-so, lecture-cocked-and-ready-to-fire tone. Don’t bring up the past or use phrases like
  • You always
  • You never
  • If only you would

What do you have now? Nothing. Write on the back ways to show love to your child.  Remember without relationship you have nothing.

February 9, 2010

What’s Enough?

Filed under: Confidence,Others' expectations,Overwhelmed women,Perfectionism,Success,Writing/authors,confident living,discouragement,priorities,saying no — Brenda @ 5:17 pm

Since my writing/speaking ministry has grown to somewhere past part-time and very close to full-time, I have received advice to get myself out there more–facebook, blog, twitter, newsletters, etc. And while this is excellent marketing advice, I have found it very difficult. Even though I have pruned my life and I am living my priorities, I am still the mom, the wife, and the chief operating officer and administrative assistant of the Garrison household (Gene being the CEO). I have many responsibilities that only I can do. That leaves me with a limited chunk of time to devote to ministry.

I also have found that most of the advice comes from men, who do not have the 24/7 responsibilities of the COO.  (I know this sounds sexist, but statics support the fact that women still do the majority of parenting and household chores.) Those who do more often have back up help–backed by a ministry, administrative, etc.

Other women often share with me their similar story. “I would love to write, but I don’t have time. I work outside the home and then when I get home I have my family to take care of. ” However, from men I hear, “I would love to write, I just need to make myself.”

 Again, please know I am not man-bashing. I do, however, want to help women answer what’s enough when the world demands more? We all have full lives and there seems to always be someone telling us we should do more.

  • Volunteer more
  • Workout more
  • Take more “me time”
  • Spend more time in Bible study and prayer
  • Be more like someone else–mother-in-law, sister, the pastor’s wife, the neighbor, (fill in your blank)

I beat myself up with this “more” club for months–trying to do better, but mostly feeling guilty and unworthy because I wasn’t doing more. Finally when I didn’t have the strength to lift the club one more time, God gently lifted my chin from the ground and said, “You are doing enough. But you are trying to do My  job. I will take care of the results.”

Really, God? Really? Aren’t I failing you if I don’t . . . .?

God doesn’t often repeat Himself with me even though I’m a slow, hard-headed learner. This time was no exception. His silence reaffirmed His initial words of comfort. ”I will take care of the results.”

A precious woman who lived long ago also felt she was not enough. Her story is in 2 Kings 4:1-7. She was a widow with debt that she could not pay. Her sons were about to be taken into slavery to pay the debt. But God intervened through Elisha. Elisha asked what she had. She replied only a pot of oil. Elisha told her to go to the neighbors and borrow all kinds of empty vessels–and not a few, but as many as she could. Then she was to pour oil from her pot into the other pots. When the last pot was full the oil stopped. She sold the oil, paid off the debt, and had plenty to live on. What she had, a little pot of oil, was enough. God took care of the results. 

Where do you feel not doing enough? Are people expecting, even demanding more from you? What God told me is true for you, too. ”You are doing enough. You are trying to do my job. I will take care of the results.”

Listen, it is easy to let stuff and people creep into our lives that have no business there. When our lives are stuffed we will never feel like we do enough. To prune the stuff and people that have no business in our lives:

  • Get with God and ask Him to show you what or who needs to go. Maybe seek wise godly counsel in this area. Cut them from your life our drastically limit your time spent there. I know, easier said than done, but you can do it in order to live God’s plan for your life.
  • Determine your priorities.
  • Plan how your life would look if you lived them.
  • Live it. Your priorities first. One day at a time. It’s a process.

Living this way is not failing God. It’s doing what God designed you to do. It’s letting God do His part to work through you and bless you.  There will always be someone who wants more from you, but to your heavenly Father you are enough.

February 2, 2010

Bible Study Tuesday–Prayer

Filed under: Bible Study,Christian living,Life as God's Girl,Prayer,Princess Unaware,Relationship with God — Brenda @ 7:52 pm

Hi, Everyone,

This is the last of the foundational chapters of Princess Unaware. As I told my small group this morning, if this was all you would read of Princess Unaware and truly understand and live it, that would be enough for your life time. Our lives are all about relationship with God. Without that nothing else matters. So, dear friend, as you read today’s notes, sink deep in relationship with your heavenly Father Who is crazy about you. It is all about relationship.

Wow. This was a tough one. Looking over the truths of God discussed in chapter 3, and seeking God’s guidance on which one to address today, I was thinking, hmm, we covered God is love pretty well last week. Sovereignty of God—yep, that’s good, especially for moms. The faithfulness of God—oh, now that’s a good one for moms! Then came the section on prayer. Ugh. I’m definitely not qualified to dig in to that (I know I wrote that section!). And then that’s all. What to do? Back to prayer. My prayers of late have not been great. Maybe God is trying to tell me something.

As I struggled to decide which part of the doctrinal elephant of prayer to bite off and attempt to digest for you, I asked myself, “What does God want me to know about prayer?” As I hinted, my prayer life has been lacking. What’s the deal? Then I asked God, “What does He want you to know about prayer?”

First let me tell you my deal and see if you can relate. In a few moments of raw honesty I admitted why my prayer life is lacking.

  • Many prayers seemed to go unanswered for a very long time.
  • My prayer list became more of a grocery list. Read it and check it off.
  • I wouldn’t have said it, but my thoughts and actions revealed I was believing the lie that my prayers weren’t working. (Hint—problem in my theology)
  • So many situations not changed. So many people still in hard times or not walking with God. Were my prayers making a difference?

I allowed Satan to stir up discontent and disbelief in me. That took away my passion to pray and put distance in my relationship with God. When I’m not in relationship with God, I’m not praying.

God showed me four truths that we all need to know and cling to.  But first we need to have a working definition of prayer. This is deep so be ready to take notes—Prayer is relationship. Yep, that’s the crux of prayer—it is relationship. Turn to someone near you and tell them, “Prayer is relationship.”

The first relationship with God started in the Garden of Eden. God was “walking in the garden in the cool of the day” (Genesis 3:8). It doesn’t say exactly why God was in the garden, but it is implied that it was His habit to meet with Adam and Eve there for a time of fellowship and possibly teaching. Look back to 2:15-17. God surely taught Adam how to care for the garden and He also tells him about the trees in the garden and not to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. In verse 22 God set up the first blind date—He introduced Adam to Eve. I’m sure that after a brief introduction God didn’t need to do much else. Adam probably took one look at the woman straight from the Creator’s hands and said, “I’m in!” See the interaction between God and Adam from the very beginning. God is all about relationship. It must have been a fun time in the Garden of Eden while it lasted.

 

So in that relationship what does God want us to know?

 

  1. He cares. He cares deeply about our lives and everything that concerns us. Psalm 144:3, “O LORD, what is man that you care for him, the Son of Man that you think of him?” Never think God is too busy or your situation is too small. God thinks about us. O-o-o. He cares about us. Thinking God is too busy is contradictory to who God is so it is a lie. We are doing warfare on lies this semester.
  2. He hears. Psalm 145:18-19, “The LORD is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him; He hears their cry and saves them.” God hears us. We don’t have to get His attention. We always have it. We don’t have to wait till God is in a good mood. He is always has time for us. He always hears us.
  3. He answers in His sovereign will. John 11:1-44. This is the story of Jesus and His very good friends Mary, Martha, and Lazarus. Read 1-6. V. 4—Jesus states the point of Lazarus’ illness. We almost never know the point of what God is doing in our lives or our loved ones’ lives at the beginning. (expound) V. 5-6–Jesus loved this precious family. He knew that in order to glorify God and accomplish His will these dear people would suffer deeply.

Verse 11—15. Lazarus has died and now Jesus is on His way. The disciples don’t get it, and to us observers it seems a bit late. Again in v. 15 Jesus states the purpose of His delay—“and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe.”

Verses 21–Martha tells it like it is. “If You were here, if You came when we sent for You Lazarus would still be alive.” Then she adds in her faith in Him, “But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.” She believes, but she doesn’t realize the power of God or Jesus.

Verses 28-36 tell of more of the story, but let’s jump to verse 37. Oh , the Monday-morning-armchair quarterbacks! They like to suppose and speculate. But they don’t know Jesus or His power.

Verses 38-44. God’s sovereign will revealed.

God always has a sovereign will that will be accomplished. Isaiah 14:26, “For the LORD Almighty has purposed, and who can thwart Him?”

God is God and He loves us. Put both of those together and we can trust His sovereign will for us. We may not understand it. Think of Mary, the mother of Jesus. Try to add up everything the angel told her, Joseph’s communication with God, knowing Jesus and witnessing all of His life and then the death He died, His resurrection and His ascension. But still all was not well. Life was still hard. Most people still did not believe.

Which brings me to the last thing I think God wants us to know.

 

 4. He wants us to rest in Him, abide in Him, and trust in Him.

Remember, prayer is relationship. Relationship is doing life with God. John 15:5-7. “Remain in Me,” “Abide in Me,” “Come to Me. . .Take My yoke” (Matthew 11:28-29)—it all means do life with God. When we do we can rest in Him and trust in Him. 

Living It 

How will all of this doctrine help me live a fabulous life? Prayer is relationship. (Turn to your friend and remind her that prayer is relationship.) In a minute we will have our three minutes of prayer. Be raw honest with God about what is the problem in your prayer relationship (which is your whole relationship) with Him. Then continue that conversation with whatever is on your heart. Maybe you just want to sit in the love of God for the rest of the time. That’s great, because why—prayer is relationship—and in relationships we don’t do all the talking all the time. It’s great to just sit with God and be with Him. Maybe you want to open your Bibles and meditate on a verse or two that God is speaking to you through. Whatever. This is the beginning of a lifetime of relationship with God. When our 3 minutes is up, continue on in relationship with God, talking to Him throughout the day and being aware of His presence continually.

Three minutes of prayer.

Did you start a lifetime of prayer/relationship with God today? I would love to hear about it.

January 26, 2010

Tuesday Bible Study

Filed under: Bible Study,Christian living,Confidence,Life as God's Girl,Princess Unaware,Relationship with God,confident living — Brenda @ 7:13 pm

We just finished our Tuesday morning Bible study from Princess Unaware. Below are my teaching notes. I hope they enrich your study and relationship with your adoring heavenly Father. As I said last week–feel free to use these if you are leading the Princess Unaware study.

 

 

Who You Are

Princess Unaware—chapter 2

Last Tuesday fifty-four Haitian children went from being orphans to being part of a family in a matter of hours. They got on a plane and flew from their homeland to the United States. Miles of red tape was obliterated in order to quickly unite the children with their new families. Their identity was change almost overnight—Haitian orphan to precious, treasured child of American family. They now have all the benefits that go with that—health care, education, clothes, safety, warm home, maybe even a dog or cat. How long will it be before they feel like a part of their new family? How long will it be before they believe they are Americans? How long before they don’t fear when they wake up in the morning it will all be gone and they’ll be dirty, hungry and back in the streets of Haiti? How long will it take them to believe it, to live it, to own it? I don’t know. Maybe days or weeks, but more likely months or years.

We, too, were once orphans with no home. We were unprotected and uncared for. We lived in the rubble of our sin so we were filthy, never able to get clean. But our heavenly Father loves us so much that He went to a lot of trouble to adopt us and make us His.

Let’s look at all He did for us and where we are now.

  1. He planned for Jesus to be our sacrifice. God knew we would need a Savior if we were to have a relationship with Him. He knew what we would do—make a mess of everything. Last week we looked at Eve’s encounter with Satan and how she gazed at the fruit, trusted her own discernment, and ate the fruit. We do the same thing. We need a Savior.
  2. He provided us with a Savior—His Son. Hebrews 10:5-7 (Psalm 40:6-8).

My husband was in the Marines and the Vietnam War when I was in junior high. (He is ten years older than me.) So I have never said good-bye to a family member especially a husband or child to go and put their life on the line for someone, especially strangers. Have you? If you have—Thank You. I cannot imagine your thoughts or emotions. You have given the ultimate gift.

This sacrifice is from one person to another. However, God gave His Son and Jesus gave His life. The almighty, holy God gave His Son for humanity—across the board. We who are wretched, totally in capable of anything good apart from God, totally undeserving.

  1. Jesus left heaven to come to earth. Think about it. Jesus left the glories of heaven to come to live a life like ours on earth. He endured not only life without the creature comforts, but the normal discomforts of life—aches & pains, scratches, heat, cold, dirt everywhere. He also endured living with sinful humans. Can you imagine the mean kids He showed love to? Or the gossip that surrounded His family because He was considered illegitimate? He left perfection to live life as we do.
  2. He draws us to Himself. John 6:44, “No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him, and I will raise him up at the last day” (NIV).
  3. Jesus allowed Himself to be captured, tortured, and crucified for you. He then gave up His Spirit. God resurrected Him and the third day and then He was ascended into heaven and reigns with God—all for you.
  4. He made you holy and clean by Jesus’ sacrifice of His body and life. (Hebrews 10:8-10).

 

Your New Identity—Who you are now.

If you have accepted Jesus and all He has done for you, you are His. You have flown from your homeland of Separated from God to your new family—God’s family. You have a new identity and a new life (more on that in the weeks to come).

This is your new identity:

  • You are loved by God. God did all this because He loves you. (1 John 4:8-10).
  • The dirt of your sins has been washed off by Jesus’ blood. (1John 1:7, Hebrews 9:22). You are acceptable to God. He has received us—to take to oneself, admit to friendship/loyalty. He doesn’t see your past. He sees His beautiful child. I know this may not be the way you view God and your relationship with Him, but it’s true. If you don’t believe see if you can back your view with Scripture—the correct use of Scripture.
  • You are treasured by God. Psalm 147:11, “the LORD delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.” You are His princess. His eyes never leave you (more about that on our last day). You are never

~just a______.

~or I only work as a ____________.

~or no one special.

You are special and priceless enough to God for Him to go to all the trouble we talked about at the beginning.

I think we get numb to what God did for us. We think God looks at us like one big social project. I’ll do what I can for those pathetic humans, because that’s the kind of God I am. But no! Don’t forget—God is love. He does what He does because He loves you. He went to all that trouble because He loves you. He’s not frowning at you. He’s looking at you like you look at your precious child (at least when he’s sleeping). He delights in you. He made you the way you are because He wanted you that way—your looks, your personality, your talents and the ones He didn’t give to you are all because that makes up you—the you He delights in.

This may be hard for you to get your mind around. It’s a process. Use one of the verses I’ve shared today or any verse that speaks to you about this. Put it on an index card and meditate on it this week. It’s part of the process of being “transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2).

  • He wants to hear from you and grow in relationship with you. Hebrews 4:15-16, “Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need” (NIV).
    • James 4:8, “Come near to God and he will come near to you” (NIV).
    • Micah 6:8, “He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God” (NIV).
    • Your prayers are kept in golden bowls in heaven (Rev. 5:8).

Are you starting to see the truth about yourself? Are you seeing yourself as God’s child and not the dirty orphan you once were? You have a safe, loving, perfect Father Who has a place for you when you leave this earth. It is crucial that you believe this and live it if you are to live the fabulous life God has for you.

Here I showed a clip from Pride and Prejudice where Mr. D’Arcy with sad, puppy dog eyes declares to Elizabeth, “Surely you know I did it all for you.”

Surely you know God did it all for you. If you accept what He did for you have a new identity. If you have not accepted all He did for you, you may now with a prayer something like this.

“Jesus, I come to you with a lot of baggage and stuff I’m not proud of. I want to be clean and perfect in Your eyes. I’m sorry for the junk in my past and my life. I ask your forgiveness. I want to be Your princess, Your girl.

Thank you for making me holy and perfect. Help me to know you well.

I love you.”

 I would love to hear your thoughts regarding the realization of “who you are.”

October 26, 2009

Not Quite Perfect

Filed under: Christian living,Confidence,Not perfect,Perfectionism,celebrate life,confident living,forgive self — Brenda @ 4:00 pm

“What’s this?” My friend giggled as she held up my kitchen towel. The bottom quarter corner was gone.

“It’s just the corner and it’s still thick and it still works.” I defended my towel. Looking at the towel I had an epiphany. “That towel represents my life.” I sighed to my friend, “Nothing’s quite perfect.”

It truly was a moment of clarity that collated similar observations over the past years.

~Not only are most of my kitchen towels torn, ragged or holey, but most of my bath towels are also.

~I recently chipped the pretty green casserole dish I bought this summer.

~A few weeks ago Riley (our year-old golden retriever) bumped into and broke one of my favorite things. It is a figurine of a beautiful young mother in a flowing dress holding her toddler. It is in our hall and it gives me great pleasure every time I see it. Gene was able to piece it back together, but I still know it’s not quite perfect.

~Since Gene works construction he and his truck daily bring home mud and dirt. No matter how often I sweep it’s impossible to keep our driveway and garage clean. They’re never quite perfect. (Let’s not even start talking about the never ending dog hair on my floors from the afore mentioned dog.)

~All month I keep close account of the transactions in our checking account. Then the statement comes and I find I’m off and I don’t know why. Ugh. Not quite perfect.

~I try to love and encourage my girls, but sometimes a harsh word escapes my lips and I’m again reminded that even as a mom I’m not quite perfect.

This list could go on for pages. Sometimes it gets to me—no matter how hard I try I never quite get anything perfect. There’s always a chip.

Factor in the spiritual element of trying to be more like Christ and I really feel imperfect. The more I try the more I realize how not like Christ I am. In Matthew 5:48 Jesus says, “Be perfect,therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” For those of you who don’t know me, I have an insatiable curiosity, so I love to get to the root of whatever we’re discussing. So I looked up “perfect” in my Bible dictionary. In this verse it means “complete, mature, etc.” Jesus is not telling me to never chip a dish, use only towels that have no tears or holes, or that I must keep my garage perfectly clean. Jesus knows life is full of imperfections and He uses those “less than perfect” to accomplish His plan.

Jesus is telling me to strive to be more like God (remember, we are made in His image). Again, a pretty tall order. How does He expect me to do this? The secret is in John 15. This chapter of John contains a few last words Jesus gave His disciples on how to carry on after He was gone. Over and over He tells the disciples they must “abide” in Him, that the only way they will accomplish anything for Him is to abide with Him. That word used to drive me nuts. What did it mean? Again, I looked it up. It means to live with/in. I am so literal I couldn’t figure out how I could live in Christ. One thing I love about God is He loves me and will do whatever it takes to help me understand what He wants me to know. Over time God showed me that abide means hang out. Jesus is telling me that to have a fruitful life, I need to hang out with Him. For me that means realizing that Jesus is always where I am, aware of my situation, my thoughts, my feelings and I just need to talk with Him constantly about whatever. Then He will direct me and enable me to do the next thing. It’s doing life with Christ. The more I do life with Christ the more I become like God and the more “perfect” I become.

I have accepted the fact that I will always chip my breakables (I love my FiestaWare—it doesn’t chip!), and that my washer has a ferocious appetite for my towels. I’m good with that. It’s part of who God made me to be—not quite perfect. But my real joy and excitement comes from doing life with Him and becoming more like Him, one chip at a time. Have learned to embrace your “chips” while doing life with Christ? I’d love to hear about it.

P.S. In the 2 days since the writing of this post and the posting of it, I discovered that the chip in my crockpot turned into a crack and I had to throw it away. So glad my Creator fixes and uses cracked pots!