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August 12, 2010

What I Did This Summer

Filed under: Fun,New opportunites,Others' expectations,Walking with God,Writing/authors,adult children moving home,celebrate life,confident living,life changes,moms,parenting,priorities,saying no,young adult children — Brenda @ 12:08 am

Several weeks ago I posted a comment on facebook stating that something in my life had to go. I was splintered and frustrated and felt like I wasn’t doing anything well. This blog is my answer to that and, maybe if you feel that way, a next step for you.
A little backstory—My summer has been crazy. (Let’s do bullet points to save time.)
• Two young adult daughters—One moved back home for before heading off to college. The contents of her house are now in our house. The relationship can be challenging. The other daughter will also leave for college in about ten days. She, too, can be challenging.
• Sixteen year-old daughter—She’s not challenging, but I have tried to be available to spend time with her as much as possible this year. We have been training for her tennis tryouts this week. Translated—I have been playing tennis like a mad woman—something I haven’t done in about 30 years.
• Being there—I have tried to be available to all the girls this summer which meant helping them, hanging out with them, and sometimes just waiting for them. I didn’t want to miss one minute of our summer.
• Having friends over—We have hosted friends (ours and theirs) several times this summer.
• Ministry events—These required prep and travel time.
• Writing—I’m trying to start another book with a deadline running headlong at me.
I’m sure your summer has been just as full and crazy. Summer is a time to enjoy so many fun opportunities and catch up on relationships and all this needs to fit into an already full calendar.
As you may have noticed, I have not blogged for a while. It has been a monkey on my back. I love writing to you, but honestly it did not make my top five priorities and thus did not make the cut for how I spent my summer. Marketing experts insist authors need to meet the needs of their readers. But really, this summer was not about my readers—at least not on my blog. As I said I have been speaking and working on my next book. That was for my readers. Not blogging totally went against common wisdom, but it had to go so I tend to the important stuff this summer.
So what is in your crazy life now that the popular culture is telling you must stay, but you know it has to go—at least for now. I always challenge women to figure out their priorities then compare their schedule to their priorities. I challenge you to do the same. Does your schedule testify to what you say are your priorities? If not, get with the Lord and see what needs to go.
All too soon the girls will be away and at school. Friends will be back home. The house will be silent and I will have all day to write. The crazy summer will be over, but I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.

June 16, 2010

He's Your Man!: Confidence to Live Your Calling as His Wife

Filed under: Interruptions,Respect for husbands,Wives,celebrate life,confident living,priorities — Brenda @ 6:54 pm

Your Man, Your Priority

“Hey, hon, you want to meet for coffee?” My husband eagerly anticipated an impromptu date. The pouring rain had put his construction site on hold.

“Umm, sure, we can do coffee.” I tried to sound enthusiastic, but my to-do list was haunting me. I was on my way to drop Kerry off for camp, pick up my printing, then head home for a long list of chores which included getting ready for vacation in six days.

After I dropped off Kerry my husband called back. “Hey, can you come early for coffee?” The rain had stopped and he was ready to get as much done as he could before the rain returned. I let him know I understood and we could skip our coffee date. I was relieved but felt a pang of guilt.

I had established my to-do list as priority over my husband. There was nothing on my list that could not wait while I had coffee with my husband. What about the “living in the moment” epiphany I had that morning about my daughter? Shouldn’t that apply to my husband? I hate to admit it, but I assume we will always have plenty of time together. Right? No. Life is terribly unpredictable as two of my widowed-too-young friends will tell you. One lost her husband to cancer, the other to a car accident. Both men were in their 40’s.

The thing is I say Gene is my priority, but the reality is he is my priority during the hours I have allotted for him. I selfishly claim the time he is at work as my time to do my stuff. Gene never tries to interrupt my plans and is always respectful of my schedule. He just wanted a fun, spontaneous coffee date with his wife and she couldn’t see past her to-do list to what really mattered—her man.

Today was my chance to practice what I preach. While in town this morning running errands, I called Gene to see if he could do an impromptu lunch date. His work had taken him to a nearby town for the day. One these days we’ll get the timing right, because we’ve made each other our priority.

June 1, 2010

I Did Not Sign Up For This

Filed under: Disappointment,Encouragement,Failure,Hard Times,Index cards,Interruptions,Overwhelmed women,celebrate life,discouragement,priorities — Brenda @ 4:13 pm

I started the morning doing something not on my index card list—cleaning up the dog’s mess. I’ll let your imagination or perhaps your personal experiences fill in the details for you. While doing this with the best of attitudes, I declared loudly for anyone (really everyone) who was in earshot, “There must be a special reward in heaven for moms who clean up pet messes (again fill in your own details).” Seriously, I did not sign up for this.
As I was scrubbing brown from Kerry’s light blue carpet the thought occurred to me, Moms days are filled with things not on their index card. It’s their job description. Of course, the same can be said for every woman. For the most part, we are the core of our families and the nurturers (even at work). We make it happen for those who rely on us.
So how do we marry the urgent, which many times is important, with the list on our index cards?
• Know Your Priorities. I know I have said this a million times, but it is core to fulfilling the life God has for you. How else did Jesus know to stop for the woman who had been bleeding for twelve years, yet not stop for others who were also in great need? (Luke 8:43-48) Jesus knew and lived His priorities.
• Sensitivity to the Holy Spirit. I know this can sound a little vague, but when we lay down our agendas, fears, prejudices, all the things we have told God we will never do, and sinful habits we can more clearly hear the guiding of the Holy Spirit. Then we too can know who we are to take time for and who is not ours to take time for.
• Reign in Your Time Killers. Who or what kills your time? TV, facebook, texting, phone calls, a needy co-worker who never gets enough of you? We give these time killers precious time from our day that could be used for something God has for us, even if it’s ten minutes of peace and quiet before the next urgency presents itself (I was eating a stack of delicious pancakes when Kerry discovered the dog’s mess in my room.) We are big girls now. No more excuses. Reign in your time killers. Give them the appropriate amount of time (some may need to go altogether) and then get on to the next thing.
Kerry’s carpet is clean and drying now. The blog is done and I’m off to the next thing on my index card. My day most likely won’t look like I planned, but it will be what God planned.
How do you handle that for which you did not sign up for in your life?

May 4, 2010

Bible Study Tuesday–Really the Last One

Filed under: Bible Study,Christian living,Comparison,Confidence,Encouragement,Life as God's Girl,Princess Unaware,Relationship with God,Walking with God,celebrate life,confident living,next step in life,persistence,priorities — Brenda @ 11:55 pm

This week was my answers to your questions. In the notes below I answer two questions. However, a third question came in at the last minute and I discussed it without notes. Let me know if you would like the information we discussed on difficult relationships and I will work it up for next week.

The Journey

Both of the questions I received this week can be answered in a discussion on “The Journey.” That’s what you are about to begin. You have finished Princess Unaware and hopefully you have lots to think about and put into practice in your years to come—in your journey. So I want to discuss a few things to encourage you and help you persevere on your journey.
First, I’m not sure if we discussed what I mean by “your calling.” Your calling is the fabulous life God planned for you. It is the family you have, your spiritual gifts, your talents, maybe a career, your ministry—anything God brings to into your life for you to do. He also gives us a passion. Is there something or a group of someone’s that you want to help? A cause or ministry that you are dying to contribute to? The answer to those questions is your passion.
One question I received asked if our callings could change. Depending on how you define calling I would say yes. God can do whatever He likes in our lives. I do believe our gifts are pretty much ours for life. I have been very much who I am today all my life. It has taken many years for me to acknowledge and embrace that though. My passion is for women to know God’s truth and for them to live fabulous lives as a result of living in that truth. Sometimes I am passionate about moms of little ones, or moms of teens, or women in general.
Now we can discuss our journey. The details will look different for everyone, but it will be much the same for everyone.
I began my journey when I married Gene. I didn’t know it then, but the man he is and the life we have lived together has perfectly prepared and launched me in the journey God planned for me. As I shared before, many years ago, before Kerry was born God put in me a desire to speak God’s truth to women. It started small and I didn’t know what I was feeling at first. Over the months it grew and because it seemed to impossible and not at all “my style” I ignored it like a package delivered to the wrong address but with no return address. What do I do with it? It’s here and it’s not going anywhere.
The desire grew and finally I had the nerve to share it with Gene. After more months of frustration because I had this thing in me and I didn’t know what to do with it or how to quiet it, Gene urged me to do the only thing we knew to do—I had a friend whose sister-in-law was a writer. So I talked with her then with the sister-in-law. Nothing happened from those conversations, but that was then God started moving events along.
God: Solution
Let’s look briefly at another hero of mine—Caleb. Joshua 14. Caleb has a great story about his journey. Back Story in Numbers 14. Start reading Joshua 14:6.
Verse 7—Caleb was 40 when he was given his big mission. 40. Caleb spent those 40 years becoming the man we see in Numbers 14. You girls are so young. You are in the years of laying your foundation and of taking your roots deep in the Lord. Do it well. You are going to need all the strength and wisdom of the Lord to raise your families.
Verse 8—Read it. Which of these will we be—will we cause others’ faith to fail or will we “follow the LORD my God wholeheartedly.” The NASB reads, “I followed the LORD my God fully.”
Verse 9 goes on to quote Moses commending Caleb and promising him the land he spied out because “you have followed the LORD my God fully.”
Verse 10—Caleb “followed the LORD fully” for 45 more years. That’s a lifetime of dedication and focus on living for God.
Verse11—I believe because of this Caleb states, “I am still as strong today as I was in the day Moses sent me; as my strength was then, so my strength is now, for war and for going out and coming in.”
Verse 12—He asks for the hill country with the giants and fortified cities. He believes God for big things as God promised.
Verse 14—Hebron became Caleb’s, but he had to fight for it. And he did because “he followed the LORD fully.”
You: Application
What can we learn about our journey from Caleb and his amazing journey?
• Follow God fully all our days.
• This is a lifelong assignment. Discuss the hazards of today’s society to make an idol out of everyone making it seem they are the norm.
• Keep your blinders on. Don’t compare. Everyone’s assignment is different.
• God is not in a hurry. Caleb was 85 years old before he took his promised territory! Why are we in such a hurry? We have all the life God has given us and He doesn’t intend on wasting a minute of it.
• Stay strong physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. And get your house in order—literally. The organizing you do today will make your ability to move when God says move possible and immediate because you won’t be looking for the car keys, unpacking the suitcases from last summer’s vacation, or trying to pay the overdue bills.
• Believe and live the truth—As long as you are alive, God has a plan and mission for you. Nowhere in the Bible does God promise retirement.

Congratulations, you are the strong confident princesses. Live it well!

April 27, 2010

Bible Study Tuesday–Princess Unaware–A Few One More Things

Filed under: Bible Study,Christian living,Confidence,Encouragement,Hard Times,Life as God's Girl,Others' expectations,Princess Unaware,Relationship with God,Risks,The Unknown,Trusting God,Waiting on God,Walking with God,adventure,celebrate life,confident living,moms,next step in life,parenting — Brenda @ 7:06 pm

This is the last of the notes for Princess Unaware. Next week I will have questions and answers from the Bible study group.

I am famous for my “one more things.” After a conversation I have been known to call back with “one more thing.” With the gals I have mentored I have been known to email “one more thing.” My mind isn’t as quick as I would like and often after I’ve had a chance to think things through I come up with “one more thing” I would like to add.
So today as we finish this study I want to give you “a few one more things” that I want you to take and never forget and live out—things that we discussed that are important and things that we didn’t get a chance to talk enough about.

Here we go:
~God is crazy about you. Never ever forget and constantly remind yourself that God loves you. He wants a relationship with you—stuff and all. Visual aid with wagon full of stuff.
~Live a life worthy of the Lord. Colossians 1:10. Sure we all have stuff, but let’s give it to God and not wallow in it. No more making excuses for the way we are. What not to be—2 Timothy 3:6-7. Take what we have learned and live like God’s princesses.
~Throw off the fear. We’ve talked about this often this study. Fear makes us ineffective and it’s not God’s plan for us. 2 Timothy 1:7. A fearful attitude is not from God. This leads to the next one. . .
~Live with confidence—in your relationships; your marriage, your parenting, your ministry. We can because the last half of 2 Timothy 1:7 says, but a spirit “of power and love and discipline.”
• Power–We have the Holy Spirit in us and thru us. Our obedience with the Holy Spirit’s power accomplishes great things in our lives. Keep your accounts short with God and others. Then yield to what God wants, what He shows us next to do no matter how small. His Spirit then works through us to accomplish His plan and what we couldn’t do otherwise.
• Love –what is best for the other person. Let this definition guide you in your relationships.
• Discipline—woman up. Our lives are too important to waste on things that don’t matter. Take care of yourselves, your homes, your families, grow your relationship with the Lord, step out in faith to the next exciting thing He has for you.
~Get a mentor. I cannot tell you the depth my life has been changed by my mentor. Also, I cannot tell you how I have been blessed by the women I have mentored. Prayerfully consider who God would have you to ask. Your life will never be the same. When choosing my mentor I looked to a woman who was where I wanted to be when I was her age. Also consider being a mentor.
~When you don’t know what to do next, find out. Ask God or your mentor or someone who knows. James 1:5.
~Keep your mouths shut. Don’t say anything about anyone that you don’t want them to know you said. It will get back to them. James 3:3-12. I have sinned in this area and been caught and called on in it. People were hurt. It’s easy to avoid. Just don’t say anything about anybody. You will be surprised at the new depths your conversations go and at the freedom of not worrying if anything will be repeated.
~Quit caring about others’ opinions of you and your family. Matthew 15:1-14. Read v. 12-13. If you live the fabulous life God has for you, you will become a target for others to offer their opinions of how you are doing life all wrong. Go back through each of these points and live them. That is where your fabulous life is—not trying to keep others happy.
~Life is hard. God is faithful. Judges 6:1-16. Read 1-10. The Israelites were suffering because of their own disobedience.
Read v. 11-13. You may now be living the consequences of others’ sins and wondering why God abandoned you.
Read v. 14. “Go in the strength you have.” Do what you can do and then a little more (we all have a little more when pressed). Go back to the above instructions—get godly counsel. Don’t hide out in the winepress. Get in the game.
~”Am I not sending you?” Have you heard these words from God. Staying in the winepress, hiding from life is not an option. Yes, life is hard, but I have never done passed what I thought I could ever do and known God more than when I was facing an impossible-beyond-me situation and He said to me, “Am I not sending you?”
Read v. 15. I, too, responded as Gideon in v. 15, “But Lord, how can I? You know my background, my insecurities. I am not the best one for the job.”
Read v. 16. God has always been faithful to equip me, help me, put words in my mouth and strength in my legs as I stand and say what He wanted me to say.
Why do we look at others and think they have it all together so God is using them powerfully? Instead why don’t we look at others doing what God called them to and praise God for working mightily in them and through them? He will do the same for us.
You, precious warrior Princesses of the Lord’s, have so much of your fabulous life ahead of you. Wear your crown well.

I would love your comments or questions from this study. I will answer them next week.

April 20, 2010

Bible Study Tuesday–The Gift God Wants to Give and We Seldom Take

Filed under: Christian living,Confidence,Disappointment,Encouragement,Fighting Fear,Hard Times,Joy,Life as God's Girl,Relationship with God,The Unknown,Trusting God,Waiting on God,Walking with God,celebrate life,confident living,discouragement,facebook,life changes — Brenda @ 6:02 pm

Today’s Bible study started with a skit that Libby Snyder wrote. For the sake of space I did not include it. If you would like to read it, email me (contact page) and I will email it to you. What follows is the teaching portion of today’s study.

So what do you think the sucker represents?
That’s right. Joy. The sucker represents joy. In the midst of our messy lives God wants to give us joy.
The thought occurred to me the other day—in the midst of my messy life God put a tiny piece of joy—I think to see if I would nibble and then He would give me more. But I hesitated. Just like Libby I thought I can’t take this. Not now. I’m not ready for it. I have more to do before I can experience joy.

Have you ever been there? God puts a spark of joy in your heart and encourages you to let it burst into your whole heart, but you tell God, “Not now. Too much going on. I’ll get back to you when it’s the right time for joy.”

God has much to say about joy and as I learned studying for this lesson. The best place to camp for our study of joy is 2 Corinthians 6:1-10. This is a chunk of heavy-duty Scripture to chew on. Read verses 1-10. Go back to v. 1—Receive the grace of God—make it count. Grace here is from the same root as joy in v. 10 which we will get to in a minute. Here it means “divine influence upon the heart and its reflection in life, including gratitude.” So when Paul says, “not to receive the grace of God in vain” he means to let God work in you and change you and live it out, being grateful for everything God has done for you.
V. 2—Paul emphasizes this truth. He says, “Behold, now is ‘the acceptable time,’ behold, now is ‘the day of salvation.’ “ He is telling the reader—this is it. On earth it won’t get any better. We’re not going to get a better offer from God. Now He is offering us His grace—His involvement in our lives. We just need to get in a posture to hear and cooperate.
V.3—Paul tells us how to live out our faith—“giving no cause for offense in anything.” Keep out of trouble and stay away from anything that might discredit the ministry.
V. 4—Then he begins a lengthy list of situations/issues/conditions we may find ourselves in and tells us to present ourselves as servants of God in each one. Read thru them one by one.
V. 10—“as sorrowful yet always rejoicing.” This is the joy God was trying to get Libby to take hold of. The definition for joy in this verse means cheerfulness, calm delight, great gladness. As I said, it is from the same root as grace in verse 1 which means calmly happy or well-off. Paul is telling us as we present ourselves as servants of God we are going to go through some hard stuff, but in it all we are to have calm delight and be calmly happy.

Other definitions for joy throughout the Bible mean to be glad, clamor in acclamation of joy, shout for joy. These are used to describe times of celebration. When we are sorrowful, going through a hard thing, it is not appropriate to shout for joy. But it is appropriate to have calm delight.
But how?
• By knowing God has you covered. Deuteronomy 31:8. God got where we’re going ahead of us. He will be with us when we get there. He will not fail us. He will not forsake us—slow down the car tell us to get out while He picks up another sister, leaving us alongside the road till He comes back our way. That’s not the way God rolls. Because of all this He tells us to not fear or WHAT? What does it say—be dismayed—which is what we learned last week is the same as discouragement and we know what that leads to—disobedience! And we don’t want to go there so let’s back it up and we won’t fear what is causing our sorrowfulness because God has us covered—Deut. 31:8!
• Then we can start to flail closer to God. Get ourselves in a posture that says, “God, this stinks. I hate it. I don’t know what You’re doing here, but I want to be on track with You.”

As a family we end every day in Gene and my bedroom for prayer time (it is short and to the point). It gives us a few last moments to be together for the day. (I know for moms of little ones you have had enough moments in your day! When your kids get bigger you will grasp for each one.) We sit in our room and talk and be silly and Gene and Riley play. This is Riley’s favorite part of the day. When we head back to the bedroom she runs ahead of everyone and sits by the chair that Gene sits in, waiting for him to sit down and play with her. (Show picture of Riley at Gene’s feet.) See her smiling face? See her look of calm delight? Of calm happiness? You bet you do because no matter what happened that day she is now at the feet of her master and all is well.

Can we do that? Can we be as simple as my dog and sit with calm delight at the feet of our Lord?
There we will hear from Him and He may be saying we’re in for a wait, so we will need to get comfortable and in fellowship with Him through this time.
There we will hear from Him what to do next. But we can’t hear if we are at our own pity party. We can only hear Him if we are in a posture to hear.
So flail your sad little self to the feet of God. Sit. Reach out and take the sucker. Take the joy. Enjoy. It may be a long while till the time for shouts of joy come, but “Behold, now is the acceptable time” for joy!

Today in small groups we shared times of accepting God’s joy in the midst of a hard time and the challenge of doing so. Please feel free to share with me and the other readers your experience of taking God’s joy in the midst of a hard time or your struggle to do so.

As my youngest daughter would say–Sadness! Next week is our last week in Princess Unaware. I will continue to blog, but next week is the last lesson from Princess. See you next week.

One more thing–recently I took up residence on facebook. If that’s your thing check out my Brenda Garrison fan page and leave a note. I would love to see your pic on my page.

February 12, 2010

Mini-Blog for Moms (and Dads)

Filed under: Christian living,Disappointment,Encouragement,Fun,Kids,Teens,celebrate life,discouragement,moms,parenting — Brenda @ 2:57 pm

I need to share my heart with you. It’s too much for a tweet and not meaty enough for a regular blog, but I’m sure someone will get a morsel from it.

My baby girl was terribly disappointed by a friend yesterday. Plans they had made for weeks were abandoned without much explanation from the friend. My baby feels disappointment deep. She loves hard and she falls hard. The cliche goes, “A mother is only as happy as her saddest child.” I don’t live by that, but last evening was tough as I watched her bleed internally.

What is a mom (dad) to do? Calling the other party or other party’s parent was not appropriate in this situation. We’ve got to wisely discern where to intervene. The only thing I could do was to care for my baby. We hugged. She sobbed and sporadically blurted out her thoughts. We hugged some more. 

That’s it.

Today is a day off from school so we will go thrift store shopping for items to redecorate her room (by her design). We will laugh and take the day at her pace (mostly likely looking at just about everything in the store, which drives me crazy–but not today).

So there’s my wisdom.

  • Listen.
  • Hug.
  • Know when to intervene and when not to–most of the time is a “not to.”
  • Affirm.
  • Speak their love language.

It’s simple but not easy. Love on your baby today whether or not she’s having a bad day.

I’d love to hear how you love on yours.

December 23, 2009

The Rest of the Story and a Few Survival Tips for the Last Few Days of the Christmas Season

Filed under: Christmas--making the most,adventure,celebrate life,confident living,persistence,priorities,relatiionships at Christmas,saying no — Brenda @ 2:03 am

First, the rest of the story.

As you may remember, last week Kerry tried out for her high school’s musical. Wednesday evening the results were to be posted on the school’s website. Kerry went to the youth group’s Christmas party that evening so Gene and I nervously checked the website every few minutes from 7 to 8. Finally, at 7:55 the results were posted. Kerry made it—but not the role she wanted. She got a secondary role. We call it “the chorus”—no speaking lines and singing with the chorus, thus it’s called “the chorus.”

Oooo. Now what? Is this reason for celebration or consolation? We didn’t have to wonder for long. Kerry texted us from the bus (the group went roller skating). Kerry’s friend used her Blackberry to check the website. Kerry was thrilled as was evident by the all capital letters and multiple exclamation points she used in the text. Yea! We celebrated with her when she got home.

Later Kerry shared with me why she was so thrilled with her small part even though she worked hard (and is quite capable to have a larger role). “Mom, all the main roles were given to upperclassmen. I’m with my friends [also in “the chorus] and I know I have to work my way up.”

How wise. And to think I wanted to have a talk with the directors (still do).  

Part II—A Few Survival Tips for the Last Few Days of the Christmas Season

I hate wording the title this way, but the more I talk with people about their Christmas plans, the more I realize that many of us will not spend Christmas in a Norman Rockwell setting. No family is perfect and for some surviving without raising their blood pressure several points is their only goal. Here are a few brief survival tips:

  • Less is more. Talk less. You know how Cousin Ernie feels about (fill in a controversial topic) so don’t engage when he starts his rant. You will not convince him otherwise, so listen for a bit, then excuse yourself to walk your parents’ neighbors’ dog.
  • Plead the Fifth. You don’t have to answer every question asked of you or give every detail of your personal/professional life. My grandpa had a great line that may come in handy for you. Consider it my gift to you. When asked a question that was nobody’s business he advised me to say, “I’ll forgive you for asking, if you forgive me for not answering.” Or if that’s too much to remember, Grandpa also used, “Now why would you want to know a thing like that?” Smile and then head for the eggnog.
  • More Mary, less Martha. Now is the time to switch paradigms from Martha (busy, busy, busy, everything-to-everybody) to Mary (focus on what’s important—Jesus and people). How much hassle is a last-minute gift for the mailman worth or how much stress is it worth to send one last card to your best friend from the 8th grade? Christmas is not meaningful (and memorable) because of the infinite tasks we assign to ourselves or we take on from others. Christmas is meaningful and memorable when we worship Jesus and spend time with loved ones.
  • Live in the moment. I’m not good at this, but this year I am learning to do it well. Kelsey is home from college for only 2 ½ weeks. Katie and Kerry are off school, too. So the weeks before and after Christmas are precious. We are enjoying each other’s company as we shop, bake, skate, stitch (the last few gifts), and wrap. Thinking about work and school is not allowed.

 

I wish you and your family a wonderful Christmas.

Brenda

December 16, 2009

Leave It All on the Stage, Dawg!

Filed under: Confidence,Failure,Fighting Fear,Fun,New opportunites,Risks,Success,adventure,celebrate life,confident living,life changes,next step in life — Brenda @ 2:01 am

“Leave it all on the stage, dawg!” I encouraged Kerry with Randy Jackson’s immortal wisdom as she nervously got out of the van. She is auditioning for a role in her high school’s musical “The Wizard of Oz.”

Oh, the agony of being the mom waiting in the parking lot. What I really want to do is have coffee with the directors (teachers) and awaken them to the facts of why Kerry would be the perfect girl for the role of Dorothy or Glinda. Not only does Kerry have the perfect hair (check out our family picture), but she has a great voice without being showy and. . . well, you get the idea.

Our high school, like most other high schools, has more talent than roles. Some kids will be disappointed. Does that mean Gene and I should discourage Kerry from trying? I’ve heard parents argue yes. Don’t set them up for failure. Why try if they probably won’t make it? They’re just going to be upset.

But no! Who knows if she will make it or not? There’s only one way to find out—to prepare, to work hard, then to “leave it all on the stage.”

When I was in seventh grade I tried out for cheerleader. Go ahead and laugh. I am not cheerleader material. Of course, I didn’t make it. My score was probably one of the lowest. Unfortunately that failure burrowed deep into my spirit and unconsciously I made the decision to not try for anything out of my realm of possibility. I told myself I would not take risks.

Many years later I married a wonderful man who encourages me to take risks. He not only encourages me, but he applauds me—my successes and my failures. He gives me room to try and fail—with no regrets.

If I didn’t fear boring you to tears (or worse–cause you to check out a different blog), I would list my successes and also the much longer list—my failures. It’s been a wild ride. Many times I am left shaking my head and asking God what in the world are You up to? But no matter if I fail or succeed, it’s a rich life. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

But my poor kids! I always encourage them in their next challenge. I’ll listen to their whining for a while, but then I tell them that I know how hard it is. I tell them that anything worthwhile will be hard. Then I quote another wise man—Denzel Washington’s dad. When his kids were getting down and wanted to quit, he challenged them, “Do what you gotta do, so you can do what you want to do.” School is hard. Preparing for a tryout is hard. Writing books is hard. And the outcome of all our efforts is unsure. It’s risky to go for something.

Who needs your encouragement to take a risk? To give their best and” leave it all on the stage?” To keep doing what they “gotta do so they can do what they want to do?”

Maybe your child.

Maybe your spouse.

Maybe a parent.

Maybe a friend.

Maybe you.

Kerry’s back in the van now. She’s winded, like she just outran a monster—the adrenaline monster.

I asked her, “Did you leave it all on the stage?”

“I did my best!”

That’s all anyone can do.

If she makes it, great! If she doesn’t make it, she is better prepared for the next time she wants pursue a dream and take a risk. She learned to work hard, prepare, and leave it all on the stage, dawg!

Would you encourage us with your experience of doing your best?

November 24, 2009

This Time Last Year

Filed under: Transitions in parenting,Waiting on God,celebrate life,life changes — Brenda @ 3:47 pm

This morning the radio personality asked his listeners to call in with their stories about where they were this time last year and the changes that have taken place this past year. My thoughts quickly recalled the life changes my family and I have been through–good and difficult.

This time last year our oldest daughter was about to be engaged and had a good job. This year has brought drastic and hard changes to her life. She is trying to heal and figure out the best way to proceed. We are loving and supporting her through this season.

This time last year our middle daughter was a sophomore at the community college. This year she is a junior at a college 2 1/2 hours away. She loves it. But she has had to learn how to deal with and live with difficult people. Not knowing anyone upon arriving at college, she has made many friends by being the first one to say hi and initiate conversation–something many of us won’t risk.  We have seen how she has grown and matured in the process. I learned how to more fully release her and transition our relationship to adult child/mom (BTW–I wasn’t always pretty).

This time last year our youngest daughter was a freshman in high school with one sister still at home. This year she is a sophomore and loving being the only child at home. She has transitioned well and I am thrilled.

This time last year our dog of 7 years had just died and we brought home a golden retriever puppy. This year she is a one-year-old chubby princess. Guess who is her lady-in-waiting? (Already this morning I have washed her muddy, royal feet twice!)

This time last year my husband was working construction and doing a great job at being dad and husband. This year he is doing the same. Isn’t it when some things don’t change?

This time last year I was finishing the editing process on my second book, Princess Unaware. This year I just finished writing my third book, He’s Not a Mind Reader and Other Fabulous Insights for the First Year of Marriage. (FYI–I don’t choose the titles of my books!)

This time last year I did not know God they way I know Him now.

This year I know God is faithful through all the hard and ugly.

This year I know God wants me to sit at His feet and know Him–more than He wants me busy serving Him.  

This year I know the patience of God with me–how He gives me time to “get it.”

 This year I learned through many disappointments and unmet expectations that God is in charge of results of my efforts. I am not. I am to be faithful and serve Him the best I know how. That’s it.

This year I am giving God my Type A personality to use when and where He shows me–no more assuming I know God’s plan for my life. He’ll show me what I need when I need it.

This year I can’t wait to see where I am this time next year.

Where were you this time last year and where are you today? I’d love to hear your story.

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