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About Brenda

August 12, 2010

What I Did This Summer

Filed under: Fun,New opportunites,Others' expectations,Walking with God,Writing/authors,adult children moving home,celebrate life,confident living,life changes,moms,parenting,priorities,saying no,young adult children — Brenda @ 12:08 am

Several weeks ago I posted a comment on facebook stating that something in my life had to go. I was splintered and frustrated and felt like I wasn’t doing anything well. This blog is my answer to that and, maybe if you feel that way, a next step for you.
A little backstory—My summer has been crazy. (Let’s do bullet points to save time.)
• Two young adult daughters—One moved back home for before heading off to college. The contents of her house are now in our house. The relationship can be challenging. The other daughter will also leave for college in about ten days. She, too, can be challenging.
• Sixteen year-old daughter—She’s not challenging, but I have tried to be available to spend time with her as much as possible this year. We have been training for her tennis tryouts this week. Translated—I have been playing tennis like a mad woman—something I haven’t done in about 30 years.
• Being there—I have tried to be available to all the girls this summer which meant helping them, hanging out with them, and sometimes just waiting for them. I didn’t want to miss one minute of our summer.
• Having friends over—We have hosted friends (ours and theirs) several times this summer.
• Ministry events—These required prep and travel time.
• Writing—I’m trying to start another book with a deadline running headlong at me.
I’m sure your summer has been just as full and crazy. Summer is a time to enjoy so many fun opportunities and catch up on relationships and all this needs to fit into an already full calendar.
As you may have noticed, I have not blogged for a while. It has been a monkey on my back. I love writing to you, but honestly it did not make my top five priorities and thus did not make the cut for how I spent my summer. Marketing experts insist authors need to meet the needs of their readers. But really, this summer was not about my readers—at least not on my blog. As I said I have been speaking and working on my next book. That was for my readers. Not blogging totally went against common wisdom, but it had to go so I tend to the important stuff this summer.
So what is in your crazy life now that the popular culture is telling you must stay, but you know it has to go—at least for now. I always challenge women to figure out their priorities then compare their schedule to their priorities. I challenge you to do the same. Does your schedule testify to what you say are your priorities? If not, get with the Lord and see what needs to go.
All too soon the girls will be away and at school. Friends will be back home. The house will be silent and I will have all day to write. The crazy summer will be over, but I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.

June 14, 2010

It’s Monday, again, Mom.

Filed under: Fun,Kids,Overwhelmed women,Teens,confident living,moms,priorities — Brenda @ 4:10 pm

“I Won’t Let Go of You Ever.”

Disclaimer: This blog may cause a tear or two. It starts a bit sentimentally, but hang in there with me.

“ ‘I won’t let go of you ever.’ I used to say that to you, Mom, and then you would tickle me to make me let go.” My sixteen year-old daughter casually shared that memory with me on the eve of her going to summer camp. Ugh. I felt the stab of regret. Oh, how I wish I could go back to those days and take it back and let her hang on forever.
The memory is fresh, but buried under piles of today’s issues—things to do, plans to make, worries to stew over. How did I get so far removed from those precious moments? My baby grew up. She turned into a teenager. And though she is a fabulous young woman, she is still a teenager. That means she is no longer my baby. She is separating from me and growing into her own person. Those heart-to-heart moments are fewer.
Grab your tissue and dab, dab. No more sentimentality.
What do I do with the regret, with the tinge of sadness of her childhood gone forever? I yank myself into the present. This morning I took her to the church to go to camp. We had a few extra minutes to so we went to Starbucks.
“Do you want to sit here for a few minutes or head to the church?” I maturely gave her the choice.
“Let’s stay here.” She smiled up at me as she took the first sip of her vanilla frappacino.
My heart smiled and I’m sure my face showed it. We sat at a little table by the window and talked and laughed about nothing. She shared a bit of her whipped cream with me and for ten minutes I was in Mommy Bliss. I refused to think about anything other than her. I did what is normally hard for me—I lived in the moment. No mulling over everything I had to do today. Just me and my girl. Ahh. It was sweet.
Mom, I know you’ve heard this 1,000 times, but it’s true, your kids won’t always be this age. This summer live in as many of their moments as you can. You will forever be thankful you didn’t let go before it was time.

February 12, 2010

Mini-Blog for Moms (and Dads)

Filed under: Christian living,Disappointment,Encouragement,Fun,Kids,Teens,celebrate life,discouragement,moms,parenting — Brenda @ 2:57 pm

I need to share my heart with you. It’s too much for a tweet and not meaty enough for a regular blog, but I’m sure someone will get a morsel from it.

My baby girl was terribly disappointed by a friend yesterday. Plans they had made for weeks were abandoned without much explanation from the friend. My baby feels disappointment deep. She loves hard and she falls hard. The cliche goes, “A mother is only as happy as her saddest child.” I don’t live by that, but last evening was tough as I watched her bleed internally.

What is a mom (dad) to do? Calling the other party or other party’s parent was not appropriate in this situation. We’ve got to wisely discern where to intervene. The only thing I could do was to care for my baby. We hugged. She sobbed and sporadically blurted out her thoughts. We hugged some more. 

That’s it.

Today is a day off from school so we will go thrift store shopping for items to redecorate her room (by her design). We will laugh and take the day at her pace (mostly likely looking at just about everything in the store, which drives me crazy–but not today).

So there’s my wisdom.

  • Listen.
  • Hug.
  • Know when to intervene and when not to–most of the time is a “not to.”
  • Affirm.
  • Speak their love language.

It’s simple but not easy. Love on your baby today whether or not she’s having a bad day.

I’d love to hear how you love on yours.

December 16, 2009

Leave It All on the Stage, Dawg!

Filed under: Confidence,Failure,Fighting Fear,Fun,New opportunites,Risks,Success,adventure,celebrate life,confident living,life changes,next step in life — Brenda @ 2:01 am

“Leave it all on the stage, dawg!” I encouraged Kerry with Randy Jackson’s immortal wisdom as she nervously got out of the van. She is auditioning for a role in her high school’s musical “The Wizard of Oz.”

Oh, the agony of being the mom waiting in the parking lot. What I really want to do is have coffee with the directors (teachers) and awaken them to the facts of why Kerry would be the perfect girl for the role of Dorothy or Glinda. Not only does Kerry have the perfect hair (check out our family picture), but she has a great voice without being showy and. . . well, you get the idea.

Our high school, like most other high schools, has more talent than roles. Some kids will be disappointed. Does that mean Gene and I should discourage Kerry from trying? I’ve heard parents argue yes. Don’t set them up for failure. Why try if they probably won’t make it? They’re just going to be upset.

But no! Who knows if she will make it or not? There’s only one way to find out—to prepare, to work hard, then to “leave it all on the stage.”

When I was in seventh grade I tried out for cheerleader. Go ahead and laugh. I am not cheerleader material. Of course, I didn’t make it. My score was probably one of the lowest. Unfortunately that failure burrowed deep into my spirit and unconsciously I made the decision to not try for anything out of my realm of possibility. I told myself I would not take risks.

Many years later I married a wonderful man who encourages me to take risks. He not only encourages me, but he applauds me—my successes and my failures. He gives me room to try and fail—with no regrets.

If I didn’t fear boring you to tears (or worse–cause you to check out a different blog), I would list my successes and also the much longer list—my failures. It’s been a wild ride. Many times I am left shaking my head and asking God what in the world are You up to? But no matter if I fail or succeed, it’s a rich life. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

But my poor kids! I always encourage them in their next challenge. I’ll listen to their whining for a while, but then I tell them that I know how hard it is. I tell them that anything worthwhile will be hard. Then I quote another wise man—Denzel Washington’s dad. When his kids were getting down and wanted to quit, he challenged them, “Do what you gotta do, so you can do what you want to do.” School is hard. Preparing for a tryout is hard. Writing books is hard. And the outcome of all our efforts is unsure. It’s risky to go for something.

Who needs your encouragement to take a risk? To give their best and” leave it all on the stage?” To keep doing what they “gotta do so they can do what they want to do?”

Maybe your child.

Maybe your spouse.

Maybe a parent.

Maybe a friend.

Maybe you.

Kerry’s back in the van now. She’s winded, like she just outran a monster—the adrenaline monster.

I asked her, “Did you leave it all on the stage?”

“I did my best!”

That’s all anyone can do.

If she makes it, great! If she doesn’t make it, she is better prepared for the next time she wants pursue a dream and take a risk. She learned to work hard, prepare, and leave it all on the stage, dawg!

Would you encourage us with your experience of doing your best?

October 13, 2009

Neglecting the Plan

Filed under: Confidence,Fun,New opportunites,adventure,confident living,moms,parenting,priorities — Brenda @ 2:09 am

A few weeks ago I talked about the Principle of Neglect and its benefits in helping us achieve what God has for us. Today, though, was the day to ditch the Principle of Neglect—to neglect it. I began my day prepared to chisel away at my deadline. Since it was Monday I had to tidy the house a bit and take out the garbage. I continued to work around the house accomplishing one task after the other. What an adrenaline rush! I couldn’t stop.

~Breakfast dishes done.

~Laundry started.

~Bills paid.

~Kelsey’s room readied for her visit from college this weekend.

~Laundry folded.

~Emails returned.

I was inspired. Ironing. Yep, that would make me feel even more accomplished. I opened the door of the closet where the ironing board resides with hundreds of shopping bags. Usually I can stuff them back in the closet, promising myself I will “get to them later.” But today the bags wouldn’t be stuffed. They spilled out and lay on the floor looking back at me as if to say Just try to make us go back in there.

Great. Now I had to do something with them. So I dug them out, all of them. All reminders of where I have shopped over the past several months. The Wal-Mart and Target bags were easy to deal with—stuff them inside each other to be recycled. Then my progress came to a halt.

~Crate and Barrel

~J.Jill

~Delia’s

These bags stared back at me like vacation photos. These stores are favorite stores of my daughters and myself. The precious shopping bags were more than sturdy, reusable bags. They were memories, souvenirs of fabulous times with my girls. We don’t live near a big city, so when we get the opportunity to shop in a big city at our favorite stores, it is a special occasion.

There I knelt in the midst of my memories and sentiment. What would I do? The day’s inspiration did not fail me. I ran to the basement and got a box to store the bags in. (Simple, I know, but organization is not my second nature.) The bags settled into their new orderly home and were content in the back of the closet, ready to serve when called upon. I finished cleaning the closet and returned the ironing board to its now clean home.

By now it was 2:00 pm.

“Hey, Mom, what are you going to do now?” Kerry came in the kitchen just as I finished.

“Um, I don’t know.” I was shocked at the progress I had made already.

“How about an adventure?!” Her eyes twinkled with spontaneity.

“Okay, let’s go!”

Nothing today was part of my original plan, but it was definitely the day I needed for refreshment, satisfaction, and fun.

My point—Once in a while neglect the plan. Go with the flow. Enjoy the moment with a loved one. It’s all an important part of confidently living your calling.