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June 1, 2010

I Did Not Sign Up For This

Filed under: Disappointment,Encouragement,Failure,Hard Times,Index cards,Interruptions,Overwhelmed women,celebrate life,discouragement,priorities — Brenda @ 4:13 pm

I started the morning doing something not on my index card list—cleaning up the dog’s mess. I’ll let your imagination or perhaps your personal experiences fill in the details for you. While doing this with the best of attitudes, I declared loudly for anyone (really everyone) who was in earshot, “There must be a special reward in heaven for moms who clean up pet messes (again fill in your own details).” Seriously, I did not sign up for this.
As I was scrubbing brown from Kerry’s light blue carpet the thought occurred to me, Moms days are filled with things not on their index card. It’s their job description. Of course, the same can be said for every woman. For the most part, we are the core of our families and the nurturers (even at work). We make it happen for those who rely on us.
So how do we marry the urgent, which many times is important, with the list on our index cards?
• Know Your Priorities. I know I have said this a million times, but it is core to fulfilling the life God has for you. How else did Jesus know to stop for the woman who had been bleeding for twelve years, yet not stop for others who were also in great need? (Luke 8:43-48) Jesus knew and lived His priorities.
• Sensitivity to the Holy Spirit. I know this can sound a little vague, but when we lay down our agendas, fears, prejudices, all the things we have told God we will never do, and sinful habits we can more clearly hear the guiding of the Holy Spirit. Then we too can know who we are to take time for and who is not ours to take time for.
• Reign in Your Time Killers. Who or what kills your time? TV, facebook, texting, phone calls, a needy co-worker who never gets enough of you? We give these time killers precious time from our day that could be used for something God has for us, even if it’s ten minutes of peace and quiet before the next urgency presents itself (I was eating a stack of delicious pancakes when Kerry discovered the dog’s mess in my room.) We are big girls now. No more excuses. Reign in your time killers. Give them the appropriate amount of time (some may need to go altogether) and then get on to the next thing.
Kerry’s carpet is clean and drying now. The blog is done and I’m off to the next thing on my index card. My day most likely won’t look like I planned, but it will be what God planned.
How do you handle that for which you did not sign up for in your life?

May 24, 2010

The Gatekeeper of Our Dreams

Filed under: Christian living,Confidence,Disappointment,Encouragement,Failure,Fighting Fear,Hard Times,New opportunites,Rejection,Writing/authors,adventure,discouragement,next step in life — Brenda @ 4:52 pm

“And don’t think we are the gatekeepers of your dream.”
“Well, they are,” I whispered to my friend sitting next to me, holding back the urge to jump up and yell Blasphemy!
My friend and I were at a writers’ conference sitting in on a panel of book editors. The editors were discussing the type of material they were looking for and what they wanted writers to know about their publishing houses.
Our strong reaction to his disclaimer (my friend had nodded in agreement) was brought on by our wrong belief that if the editors would just look at our material they would realize how amazing it was and publish our books and our dreams would come true. But after his comment, we felt rejected before he even looked at our work. Rejection is something a writer must deal with if she is going to be a professional writer.
Actors the same way. Yesterday one of my daughters learned she did not get the part she had hoped for. She worked hard to prepare. She has proven herself by doing the small roles with excellence. Surely, this was her year. The role went to someone less experienced. The rejection hurt and disillusioned her.
Rejection is a part of life. Everyone experiences it. Who hasn’t felt the pierce of rejection
• by a breakup/divorce?
• from children?
• from parents?
• from job loss?
• of not getting the job?
• from friends who don’t stay true?
What do we do when the one we think is the gatekeeper of our dreams locks us out? Our answer determines the kind of person we become and the direction of our life. Here are a few truths to help you with your answer:
1. Don’t take every rejection personally. Unless you have been grossly rude, irresponsible, immoral, or illegal, very often it’s more about them than you. The other person is just that—another person. They have limited knowledge and judgment. They have their own issues. It’s impossible to know why you were overlooked when you seemed to be the perfect one for the job, role, friendship, opportunity, etc.
I tried to give my daughter perspective—This is the opinion of one high school teacher. I’m not disrespecting the teacher or her position, but I wanted my daughter to gain perspective. There will be other roles and other directors.
Own whatever part you may have played in the rejection—real not perceived. Then know that not even Jesus pleased everyone all the time. How can we expect to?
2. Let this rejection grow you. Reflect and decide what you can do better next time. My first book, Queen Mom, was rejected several times before it was published. Each time the editors who rejected it gave me helpful advice to make it better. I listened and used their advice. Three years later it was published.
3. Consider redirection. Maybe this rejection is about you—not personally, but maybe God is trying to get your attention to try something else. My first attempt at writing was a novel. One of my friends has one of those can’t-believe-this-really-happened life stories. I thought God was directing me to turn her story into a based-on-real-life novel. I interviewed her once a week for several months. I wrote my proposal and went to a writers’ conference. A gracious editor from a well-known Christian fiction publisher looked over my work and asked me, “Where do you see the story going?” It was the next logical question, but I was speechless. At that moment God made it very clear that I am not a fiction writer. I went home and started working on Queen Mom.
4. Bottom Line—We are always in God’s hands and whatever comes to us is only through His permission (i.e. Job—as in “The Book of”). Through all my rejections (and there have been many) I rest in the fact that if God wanted me there I would be there and no one could prevent it. This doesn’t take away from my responsibility to work hard, prepare, learn, grow, and be a person of excellence and integrity. But, as we discussed last week, the results are always God’s.

Are you feeling the sting of rejection or maybe rejection knocked the wind out of you this time? Lick your wounds. Then decide, What is the truth in this situation? Now move forward accordingly. Sometimes we can’t make sense of the nonsense, so don’t hesitate to talk with someone wiser.
I would love to hear what you are doing with rejection.

May 17, 2010

A Life-Changing Sermon

Filed under: Christian living,Confidence,Encouragement,Hard Times,Life as God's Girl,Others' expectations,Trusting God,Waiting on God,Walking with God,Writing/authors,confident living,discouragement,parenting,persistence — Brenda @ 5:05 pm

For the past few months, really the past year, I have been seeking, striving, and desperate for God to answer for me one thing. Why, after much work, prayer, and opportunities, do I not have more to show for it all? What in the world am I doing wrong? If I do all I am supposed to do, won’t the result be as I expect when I expect it?
For those of you who faithfully read my blog you have heard me pose this question in various forms over the months. Sunday I received my answer directly from God.
Our pastor at Imago Dei Church was off this week and Pastor Eric Potter filled in for him. Eric’s words from God spoke directly to this question for which I am always seeking an answer. Eric taught on the parable of Jesus in Matthew 20—the workers in the vineyard. His whole sermon was powerful and I urge you to listen to it at www.imagodeichurch.org. But the part that spoke to me was near the end.
Eric made the point that the workers in this parable were day workers. They were the lowest class because they were not employed or even slaves with a master to care for and protect them. These men were grateful for any work they could get. These men thought it a privilege to work in the vineyard. They were grateful for the invitation to work in the vineyard. Interpreting the vineyard to be the kingdom of God and the owner of the vineyard to be God, I am the day worker. Wow. It hit me that I am not always especially thankful for the work God has given me to do for the kingdom. Ugh. A straight hit to my heart.
Then Eric gave us several questions to answer. One question—“What is my attitude about working in the vineyard?” further convicted me that my attitude has not always be one of gratitude. Oh, God, please forgive me. You have blessed me with work for the kingdom that I love. How can I be anything other than grateful?
His next question—“Am I working for reward or in response to the invitation?”–was the answer I had been searching for. I had been working for the reward. But the invitation was a privilege and that should have been my only motivation. This morning in my time with God, He took me to John 15 to further clarify His point. In John 15 Jesus is teaching on abiding in Him and when we do we bear fruit. But never does Jesus tell us to bear fruit or to concern ourselves with bearing fruit. He tells us to abide in Him. That’s our job. His job is to work through us to produce fruit. (John 15:4-5) As I abide in Christ—know Him better, trust Him, obey Him—I will bear fruit. It’s the result of my live lived in Christ.
Wow. I am so relieved! I’ve done all I know to do. Now I rest in God for Him to use my work as He sees fit. I started today with fresh perspective and renewed energy and excitement to do what God put in me to do and no worries over the results!
Thank you, Pastor Eric. Thank You, God, for patiently teaching this difficult child of yours and using her along the way.
I would love to hear where you have struggled to see results in your life—parenting, on the job, in your ministry. How does this truth change the way you will view your efforts for God?

April 20, 2010

Bible Study Tuesday–The Gift God Wants to Give and We Seldom Take

Filed under: Christian living,Confidence,Disappointment,Encouragement,Fighting Fear,Hard Times,Joy,Life as God's Girl,Relationship with God,The Unknown,Trusting God,Waiting on God,Walking with God,celebrate life,confident living,discouragement,facebook,life changes — Brenda @ 6:02 pm

Today’s Bible study started with a skit that Libby Snyder wrote. For the sake of space I did not include it. If you would like to read it, email me (contact page) and I will email it to you. What follows is the teaching portion of today’s study.

So what do you think the sucker represents?
That’s right. Joy. The sucker represents joy. In the midst of our messy lives God wants to give us joy.
The thought occurred to me the other day—in the midst of my messy life God put a tiny piece of joy—I think to see if I would nibble and then He would give me more. But I hesitated. Just like Libby I thought I can’t take this. Not now. I’m not ready for it. I have more to do before I can experience joy.

Have you ever been there? God puts a spark of joy in your heart and encourages you to let it burst into your whole heart, but you tell God, “Not now. Too much going on. I’ll get back to you when it’s the right time for joy.”

God has much to say about joy and as I learned studying for this lesson. The best place to camp for our study of joy is 2 Corinthians 6:1-10. This is a chunk of heavy-duty Scripture to chew on. Read verses 1-10. Go back to v. 1—Receive the grace of God—make it count. Grace here is from the same root as joy in v. 10 which we will get to in a minute. Here it means “divine influence upon the heart and its reflection in life, including gratitude.” So when Paul says, “not to receive the grace of God in vain” he means to let God work in you and change you and live it out, being grateful for everything God has done for you.
V. 2—Paul emphasizes this truth. He says, “Behold, now is ‘the acceptable time,’ behold, now is ‘the day of salvation.’ “ He is telling the reader—this is it. On earth it won’t get any better. We’re not going to get a better offer from God. Now He is offering us His grace—His involvement in our lives. We just need to get in a posture to hear and cooperate.
V.3—Paul tells us how to live out our faith—“giving no cause for offense in anything.” Keep out of trouble and stay away from anything that might discredit the ministry.
V. 4—Then he begins a lengthy list of situations/issues/conditions we may find ourselves in and tells us to present ourselves as servants of God in each one. Read thru them one by one.
V. 10—“as sorrowful yet always rejoicing.” This is the joy God was trying to get Libby to take hold of. The definition for joy in this verse means cheerfulness, calm delight, great gladness. As I said, it is from the same root as grace in verse 1 which means calmly happy or well-off. Paul is telling us as we present ourselves as servants of God we are going to go through some hard stuff, but in it all we are to have calm delight and be calmly happy.

Other definitions for joy throughout the Bible mean to be glad, clamor in acclamation of joy, shout for joy. These are used to describe times of celebration. When we are sorrowful, going through a hard thing, it is not appropriate to shout for joy. But it is appropriate to have calm delight.
But how?
• By knowing God has you covered. Deuteronomy 31:8. God got where we’re going ahead of us. He will be with us when we get there. He will not fail us. He will not forsake us—slow down the car tell us to get out while He picks up another sister, leaving us alongside the road till He comes back our way. That’s not the way God rolls. Because of all this He tells us to not fear or WHAT? What does it say—be dismayed—which is what we learned last week is the same as discouragement and we know what that leads to—disobedience! And we don’t want to go there so let’s back it up and we won’t fear what is causing our sorrowfulness because God has us covered—Deut. 31:8!
• Then we can start to flail closer to God. Get ourselves in a posture that says, “God, this stinks. I hate it. I don’t know what You’re doing here, but I want to be on track with You.”

As a family we end every day in Gene and my bedroom for prayer time (it is short and to the point). It gives us a few last moments to be together for the day. (I know for moms of little ones you have had enough moments in your day! When your kids get bigger you will grasp for each one.) We sit in our room and talk and be silly and Gene and Riley play. This is Riley’s favorite part of the day. When we head back to the bedroom she runs ahead of everyone and sits by the chair that Gene sits in, waiting for him to sit down and play with her. (Show picture of Riley at Gene’s feet.) See her smiling face? See her look of calm delight? Of calm happiness? You bet you do because no matter what happened that day she is now at the feet of her master and all is well.

Can we do that? Can we be as simple as my dog and sit with calm delight at the feet of our Lord?
There we will hear from Him and He may be saying we’re in for a wait, so we will need to get comfortable and in fellowship with Him through this time.
There we will hear from Him what to do next. But we can’t hear if we are at our own pity party. We can only hear Him if we are in a posture to hear.
So flail your sad little self to the feet of God. Sit. Reach out and take the sucker. Take the joy. Enjoy. It may be a long while till the time for shouts of joy come, but “Behold, now is the acceptable time” for joy!

Today in small groups we shared times of accepting God’s joy in the midst of a hard time and the challenge of doing so. Please feel free to share with me and the other readers your experience of taking God’s joy in the midst of a hard time or your struggle to do so.

As my youngest daughter would say–Sadness! Next week is our last week in Princess Unaware. I will continue to blog, but next week is the last lesson from Princess. See you next week.

One more thing–recently I took up residence on facebook. If that’s your thing check out my Brenda Garrison fan page and leave a note. I would love to see your pic on my page.

April 14, 2010

Bible Study Tuesday: Discouragement–Not So Innocent

Filed under: Bible Study,Confidence,Encouragement,Failure,Fighting Fear,Overwhelmed women,Princess Unaware,Trusting God,Writing/authors,confident living,discouragement,parenting — Brenda @ 1:55 am

If I had to identify the most effective weapon the enemy uses to get me off track from my fabulous life—in any area—my marriage, parenting, relationships, ministry, taking care of my health—it is discouragement. I like to see the results of my efforts, so discouragement is a sure-fire way to get me out of the game.
• In my relationships with my girls I give and give. I make the best decisions I can and do the best for them that I can. Then when they behave thoughtlessly or only seem to want more, I become a discouraged mom. Why am I a mom anyway?
• Or I exercise and eat right, resisting high-fat, high-salt foods, in hopes of losing a few pounds in my tummy then I get on the scale to see no weight loss. Why do I try?
• I work hard at the ministry God has given me—many hours spent at the computer writing and preparing for an event. I do the best with the time I have, but I don’t see the results I would like. Why does God have me in this ministry?
• But more often discouragement comes to me in whispers from the enemy:
~You won’t get done on time.
~This won’t be good. (in relation to my messages)
~You won’t be good enough. (in relation to my presentation)
~They already know this. You’re the loser who just figured this out.
But mostly the enemy haunts me with You won’t be good enough.
When I start believing only what I can see I get discouraged and feel hopeless. I want to just sit somewhere with my head down and feel sorry for myself. I am so deserving of a little pity, aren’t I?

Do you ever get discouraged? Can you relate to any areas I shared? For you young moms, you are really ripe for discouragement attacks. Most of what you do every day, all day, needs to be redone immediately or goes unnoticed (unless of course you don’t do it!). And society talks a big talk, but it does not reward or hold in high esteem what we do. When I get discouraged in my mothering and homemaking (which is what we do!) and my husband is clueless to how I feel even though he tries to understand, I always tell him he can’t understand. He may not be as appreciated at work as he should be, but every week he gets a paycheck that puts value on what he does. Moms don’t get paychecks or much appreciation. So when we’ve had “one of those days” we can be easily discouraged.

Discouragement leads to disobedience.
God has much to say about discouragement. The Bible is full of references to and stories about folks who were discouraged in doing God’s work and will. This morning I want to look at a hero of mine—Joshua. Joshua is taking on a huge job with a nation of more than a million people from a hugely successful leader. This guy has got to be shaking in his sandals at the handoff.
Let’s take a look at Joshua 1:1-9. What a pep talk! Don’t you wish God would show up in your kitchen every morning as you are getting your first cup of coffee with a pep talk like this?
“Now therefore arise, cross this Jordan. . .to the land which I am giving you. . .”
Actually He does. If you only need to open your Bible to this section and read it while you sip your coffee quietly so no little one hears you and gets up too.
Another reason Joshua needed to be reassured of his calling and God’s power in it, is that he had seen first-hand how difficult Israel could be. Back in Numbers 13 Moses sends Joshua, Caleb and ten other men to check out the Promised Land and see how to best take it. Let’s take a look at their report. Numbers 13:27-33. This report leads to huge discouragement. They were discouraged because they saw only the challenges and factored God out. Num. 14:1-4. And look at what their discouragement leads to. Read v.5-10. Their discouragement leads to disobedience.
When we fall for what seems pathetic but innocent discouragement, we are being deceived by the enemy. Because what comes next is always disobedience. One disobedience that is common to all our discouragements is pride—my thoughts and focus turn to me—it’s all about me!
Look back at my list of discouragements and see other ways discouragement leads to disobedience.
• My discouragement as a mom leads to disobedience because I get angry at the girls and/or I sulk/withdraw.
• My discouragement with taking care of my body leads to the disobedience of a binge of chocolate cake (with fudgy icing) and giving into excuses why I don’t have time to exercise.
• My discouragement in ministry leads to the disobedience of disbelief—me doubting God, me believing that God dumped me off on the side of the road so He could pick up someone else, someone who will be a great speaker and writer, someone He can really use.
• My discouragement from listening to Satan’s lies leads to disobedience in that my work is slowed down. I don’t have the confidence and conviction that God will and is speaking to me and preparing me for His use.
Discouragement leads to disobedience.
You: Application
What disobedience does your discouragement lead to? What is the enemy’s main method of discouraging you? What disobedience does that lead to? You can interact with God over this in our 3 minutes of prayer.
But how will you and I overcome this discouragement so we can move on to obedience?
Let’s take one more look at our hero, Joshua—14:7-9. In Joshua’s words we see how he overcame discouragement to move on to obedience (in Joshua 1).
• He identified the good God had for them. What blessings does God have for you now and as you persevere in obedience? Fulfilling relationships; a home that is fun, welcoming, and says, “Stay awhile”; Good health, no matter what the scale says. V. 7
• He acknowledged God in the midst of their efforts. Discouragement takes God out of our situation. V. 8
• He knew Who was to be feared and not to fear the job God gave them. Discouragement causes us to fear what God has called us to. “I am not a good enough mom”; I will never get this house in order; I can’t keep up with work and home. V. 9
• He knew God had their back, front, sides—God had them covered. He has every situation and person in your life covered, too. V. 9
• Because of that we are not to fear, but trust God. V. 9
Which of these truths do you need to apply to your life?
Don’t let discouragement keep you from the fabulous life God has for you.

We can do this, girls. When you start to feel discouragement creeping in immediately identify it and know it is not from God. It is never God talking to you. Then grab it, swing it up and over your head, and give it a fling. Take whatever is troubling you to the Lord and soak in your relationship with Him and then get back to work!

April 11, 2010

The Amazing Index Card

Filed under: Confidence,Encouragement,Failure,Index cards,Not perfect,Organization,Overwhelmed women,confident living,discouragement,priorities — Brenda @ 2:12 am

You know I’m all about confidently living your calling. And while much of confidently living our callings depends on believing God’s truth, some of it boils down to just getting our acts together. How many times have you gotten your act together but then couldn’t remember where you put it. Old joke, I know, but so true.
My organizational anxiety lies not only in not finding my act, but in the always present nagging in my mind that I’ve forgotten something—not a small-no-one-will-notice something, but a big-everything-depends-on-this-detail something.
A couple of weeks ago God gave me a recollection and revelation on how to get my brain together and alleviate its nagging. I remembered a few years ago a friend took me to the airport. I noticed on her dashboard an index card with a list of everything she needed to do that day. I remember thinking That’s cool. Now I know how she remembers everything she does. Then my thoughts turned to wondering if I would be able to figure out the new kiosk at the airport to get my ticket.
Back to the present and why this all matters–One area of my kitchen counter space is a mess.( Once my precious mother-in-law said to me, “Why don’t you clean up that mess?” You must know she was a dear woman and never interfered, and even then she wasn’t interfering, just wondering. ) It is full of papers, a jar of markers, stapler, tape, etc. Paper control is not my thing. Also I have this fear (and it is based on past experiences) that if I put something away I won’t be able to find it or I will forget about it all together. So my mind feels more in control if I can see everything—yep, the whole mess.
The day of my recollection and revelation I was standing at the messy counter wondering how I would deal with it all. I’m not sure how God started the conversation, but I remember He said to me—List everything you need to do tomorrow on an index card.
I thought What a great idea! The Amazing Index Card Principle!
• I use one index card for every day.
• Write the day at the top.
• One the left side list what needs to be done today. If there are more tasks than lines you have too much going on and you need to prioritize and purge.
• On the right side list items that need to be soon but not today. I also like to list projects I need to think about before I start them or errands to be ran when I get out.
• As you finish a task check it off. The best part!
• At the end of the day transfer the items that did not get done to the next day’s card or move an item from the right to the left.
A couple of precautions:
• Don’t let this amazing index card become a tyrant master. The index card is to help you not enslave you.
• The index card never trumps relationships. This week was Kerry’s spring break so we painted her room. The second day of painting we worked so long that I didn’t get to most of the items on the card. No big deal—they transferred to the next.
Since I have been using my precious, amazing index cards (never one for Sunday—day off!), I have experienced much less stress. I cleaned off the messy counter space and I don’t worry about where the papers and details have gone. It’s all on my index card. I am making progress on projects that used to haunt me. One more benefit—when all the items are crossed off the card, I’m done for the day! Adding more items is not allowed. My oldest daughter is an artist and a procrastinator. She has been using her index cards and feels so accomplished.
I hope this idea helps. I would love to hear if it does and I would love for you to share any simple organizational tips that work for you.

March 30, 2010

Bible Study Tuesday–Looking Over Our Shoulder

Filed under: Bible Study,Christian living,Comparison,Confidence,Encouragement,Life as God's Girl,Overwhelmed women,Princess Unaware,Relationship with God,Trusting God,Walking with God,confident living,discouragement,priorities,saying no — Brenda @ 7:16 pm

Princess Unaware–Chapter 8
Principle of Blinders
God is so fun, isn’t He? Last week after I spoke on setting and living our priorities, I had to opportunity to put it into practice. My schedule had taken on a life of its own, dragging me along for fun. It needed to be tamed, but that meant that certain people who did not make the top of my list were not going to be happy when they discovered that fact.
Also, I talked with my doctor’s nurse last week and my high blood pressure is here to stay, so exercise and eating right will take permanent residence at the top of my priority list.
It was not a fun week of living out my priorities. I was misunderstood. I don’t have much discretionary time as my friends so I must say no often. Ick. I hate that. I want to be part of the party instead of at home working. Don’t get me wrong. I love the life God has given me, but I want it all—all my life and some of what others have as well. They seem to have lots of time to have lunch and hang out. They don’t seem to have deadlines nipping at their heels, or young adult kids randomly popping in and out, calling, texting, or needing rides. I love it, but like I said I’m tempted to want it all—the full, satisfying role of mom/author and the free time to do with what I like.
We: Identification
What about you? Do you find yourself looking into a friend’s life and wishing you had part of it? Do you ever look at a friend and wish you had her waistline, curly hair, or porcelain complexion? Do you ever wish your husband was as spiritual as hers?
I think most women struggle with the temptation to compare any or all parts of our lives to someone else’s. It is a most effective tool of Satan’s, because we compare the area we feel we are lacking to the area we feel is their strength and we come up short. Then we sit in our self-pity and are useless.
God: Solution
That is one reason God instructs us to not compare ourselves to others. In John 21 Jesus gave Peter strong words regarding this temptation.
At the beginning of John 21we find the disciples feeling and acting like lost boys. Jesus has appeared to them off and on, but He hasn’t given them a final word of mission. They don’t know what’s next (a whole other lesson), so they are hanging around. They go back to what they know—fishing. They don’t catch anything. Then Jesus showed up and told them to try on the right side of the boat. They caught more fish than they can handle. Finally they discover it’s Jesus. Peter was so excited that he jumped out of the boat and swam to shore. Jesus had prepared a fire with fish cooking and fresh bread. They ate their first meal together since the Last Supper. What a great time!
After breakfast Jesus talked directly to Peter. (verses 15-18) He gave Peter the chance to express his love for Jesus after his denial of Jesus before His crucifixion. Jesus also gave Peter his life mission—feeding and shepherding the church.
Think about all Peter enjoyed in this short morning—seeing Jesus, eating a perfect breakfast with his resurrected Lord, the sweetest of fellowship, hope restored, a personal commissioning by Jesus. Does it get any better?
What did Peter do next? Something silly like we would do—(verse 20-21) Peter turned around—away from the intimate conversation he was having with Christ—and saw John following them. In this context “see” means to know, behold, consider, have knowledge of. This was more than a glance to see who’s behind him. Peter turned his attention from Jesus to behold and consider what Jesus had for John—as if it’s any of his business.
So Peter asked Jesus, “What about him?” I don’t know if Peter was feeling especially “in” with Jesus or thought he had been elevated to “vice-Savior” in this conversation. For whatever reason Peter stepped outside what’s his and into what’s not his.
Jesus responded in His classic non fuzzy style—“If I want him to remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow Me!”
There are two messages we need to get here.
First, in essence Jesus is saying—No matter if I give your friend
• A husband who is a spiritual leader
• Four perfectly behaved children
• Legs that never stop
• Barbie’s waist and bustline
• Enough money for all her needs and wants
• An incredible career
• A successful, exciting ministry
• In-laws that are helpful and supportive
No matter if I give her all these things (which you will assume she has from your vantage point of comparison), “what’s that to you?” In other words it’s not our business. It’s getting our noses into “what’s not ours.” Here Jesus is telling us without a doubt or loophole to mind our own business. [Farmer visual here.]
The next thing Jesus is telling us is, “You follow Me!” This is the second time in a short conversation that Jesus told Peter to follow Him (verse 19). Now the second time, Jesus is more explicit. He lets Peter know exactly what He wants him to do—Follow Me!
Follow here means to “be in the same way,” “to accompany.” Peter was to follow where Jesus led him. As Jesus previously told Peter, that would be to feed and shepherd the church—as if that weren’t enough!
Jesus’ words are for us too. “You follow Me!” We are to put on our blinders and see only what is ours from Christ. We are not to lift them as Peter did and look at what is our friends’ from Christ. Jesus tells us to follow Him. To go where He leads us.
You: Application
This week notice how many times you are either tempted to or actually do compare any part of your life or yourself to others. Acknowledge the thought (don’t deny it) then address it–Is this mine or is this not mine?
If it’s not yours, then don’t concern yourself with it. Elizabeth Elliott said, “I am to mind my own business and I have discovered that very few things are my business.” (my paraphrase)
Praise God for all He is blessing your friends with and then get your focus back on Jesus’ plan for you.
• Make a list of your husband’s best qualities.
• Make a list of the things each of your children do that makes you smile.
• Make a list of the five things you love about your home.
Then change the next diaper. Switch the next load of laundry. Do whatever the next thing is God has given you to do. It probably won’t be glamorous or exciting, but it’s yours!
Conclusion:
If it’s on your to-do list from the Lord, it has eternal value!
We: Inspiration
Oh, what freedom and joy we would experience if we would never again compare or behold our sister’s life. If we would feel her pain, celebrate in her victories, and love her as we love ourselves. Oh, what freedom and joy we would experience if we would stay in step with our Lord.

Who do you most often turn around from your relationship with Christ to “behold” the good things in their lives? How will you stop and keep your focus on following Christ? I would love to hear.

February 12, 2010

Mini-Blog for Moms (and Dads)

Filed under: Christian living,Disappointment,Encouragement,Fun,Kids,Teens,celebrate life,discouragement,moms,parenting — Brenda @ 2:57 pm

I need to share my heart with you. It’s too much for a tweet and not meaty enough for a regular blog, but I’m sure someone will get a morsel from it.

My baby girl was terribly disappointed by a friend yesterday. Plans they had made for weeks were abandoned without much explanation from the friend. My baby feels disappointment deep. She loves hard and she falls hard. The cliche goes, “A mother is only as happy as her saddest child.” I don’t live by that, but last evening was tough as I watched her bleed internally.

What is a mom (dad) to do? Calling the other party or other party’s parent was not appropriate in this situation. We’ve got to wisely discern where to intervene. The only thing I could do was to care for my baby. We hugged. She sobbed and sporadically blurted out her thoughts. We hugged some more. 

That’s it.

Today is a day off from school so we will go thrift store shopping for items to redecorate her room (by her design). We will laugh and take the day at her pace (mostly likely looking at just about everything in the store, which drives me crazy–but not today).

So there’s my wisdom.

  • Listen.
  • Hug.
  • Know when to intervene and when not to–most of the time is a “not to.”
  • Affirm.
  • Speak their love language.

It’s simple but not easy. Love on your baby today whether or not she’s having a bad day.

I’d love to hear how you love on yours.

February 9, 2010

What’s Enough?

Filed under: Confidence,Others' expectations,Overwhelmed women,Perfectionism,Success,Writing/authors,confident living,discouragement,priorities,saying no — Brenda @ 5:17 pm

Since my writing/speaking ministry has grown to somewhere past part-time and very close to full-time, I have received advice to get myself out there more–facebook, blog, twitter, newsletters, etc. And while this is excellent marketing advice, I have found it very difficult. Even though I have pruned my life and I am living my priorities, I am still the mom, the wife, and the chief operating officer and administrative assistant of the Garrison household (Gene being the CEO). I have many responsibilities that only I can do. That leaves me with a limited chunk of time to devote to ministry.

I also have found that most of the advice comes from men, who do not have the 24/7 responsibilities of the COO.  (I know this sounds sexist, but statics support the fact that women still do the majority of parenting and household chores.) Those who do more often have back up help–backed by a ministry, administrative, etc.

Other women often share with me their similar story. “I would love to write, but I don’t have time. I work outside the home and then when I get home I have my family to take care of. ” However, from men I hear, “I would love to write, I just need to make myself.”

 Again, please know I am not man-bashing. I do, however, want to help women answer what’s enough when the world demands more? We all have full lives and there seems to always be someone telling us we should do more.

  • Volunteer more
  • Workout more
  • Take more “me time”
  • Spend more time in Bible study and prayer
  • Be more like someone else–mother-in-law, sister, the pastor’s wife, the neighbor, (fill in your blank)

I beat myself up with this “more” club for months–trying to do better, but mostly feeling guilty and unworthy because I wasn’t doing more. Finally when I didn’t have the strength to lift the club one more time, God gently lifted my chin from the ground and said, “You are doing enough. But you are trying to do My  job. I will take care of the results.”

Really, God? Really? Aren’t I failing you if I don’t . . . .?

God doesn’t often repeat Himself with me even though I’m a slow, hard-headed learner. This time was no exception. His silence reaffirmed His initial words of comfort. ”I will take care of the results.”

A precious woman who lived long ago also felt she was not enough. Her story is in 2 Kings 4:1-7. She was a widow with debt that she could not pay. Her sons were about to be taken into slavery to pay the debt. But God intervened through Elisha. Elisha asked what she had. She replied only a pot of oil. Elisha told her to go to the neighbors and borrow all kinds of empty vessels–and not a few, but as many as she could. Then she was to pour oil from her pot into the other pots. When the last pot was full the oil stopped. She sold the oil, paid off the debt, and had plenty to live on. What she had, a little pot of oil, was enough. God took care of the results. 

Where do you feel not doing enough? Are people expecting, even demanding more from you? What God told me is true for you, too. ”You are doing enough. You are trying to do my job. I will take care of the results.”

Listen, it is easy to let stuff and people creep into our lives that have no business there. When our lives are stuffed we will never feel like we do enough. To prune the stuff and people that have no business in our lives:

  • Get with God and ask Him to show you what or who needs to go. Maybe seek wise godly counsel in this area. Cut them from your life our drastically limit your time spent there. I know, easier said than done, but you can do it in order to live God’s plan for your life.
  • Determine your priorities.
  • Plan how your life would look if you lived them.
  • Live it. Your priorities first. One day at a time. It’s a process.

Living this way is not failing God. It’s doing what God designed you to do. It’s letting God do His part to work through you and bless you.  There will always be someone who wants more from you, but to your heavenly Father you are enough.

October 9, 2009

What Moms Don’t See

Filed under: Confidence,confident living,discouragement,moms,parenting,persistence,strong-willed kids — Brenda @ 2:15 pm

Recently a precious young mom shared with me, “I have a strong-willed five year-old son.” (Deep sigh) 

“He doesn’t want to do his homework. He watches TV before bed. His room is a mess.” She was exasperated. I know I’ve been there and still visit there on occasion.

“So how do you respond?”  I needed all the facts, before I offered any shred of wisdom I might find in my database.

“I don’t let him watch TV till the homework is done. I’m trying to help him organize his room, but he doesn’t get it or want to get it.”

Now I’m getting it. This mom is doing a great job. She is doing exactly what I would have told her–use a discipline that makes him care if his home is done and help him learn to organize his space. Her exasperation is because she is not seeing results so she believes she is not being effective as a mom and she needs new methods.

Oh, the angst of parenting–sometimes it takes a long time to see results. Sometimes it takes years to see results. And the results that are right under our noses are happening so subltly that we don’t see them.

I keep a prayer register of sorts. Prayer requests/concerns on the left side of the page and the answers/responses from God on the right side of the page. It is a great way to not only grow my faith but to see how God is faithful in maturing my daughters.  Looking back into this register I see that for a couple of years I have been praying for a sweet spirit for one of the girls. Anyone that knows her today would never guess that she had a spell of negativity. She is a kind, encouraging, fun young woman. Subtle changes.

One daughter struggled with procrastination. It was becoming a bad habit. I prayed and coached her. Today her room is neat, her homework is organized, and the piles of stuff that lined the walls of her room are gone. When did all this happen? I do not know. Slowly and subltly from December, 2007, to October, 2009, she became an organized, on-the-ball girl.

I prayed and prayed for good friends for one of our daughters. Friends that would encourage her and bless her. Friends that aren’t into drama or popularity contests. It has been over a year since I recorded that request and my daughter is slowly and steadily finding great young women with whom she is developing quality sisters-in-Christ friendships.

Being the mom is hard. It takes lots of work and persistence, but the results are so worth it. Don’t get discouraged because you don’t think you see results. They’re there. They might be hidden under piles of dirty laundry, or a messy desk, or in an attitude that says, “Make me!” But, Mom, everything you do and say matters. Persistence and faith that God is working in your kids’ lives are key to confidently living your calling of Queen Mom!

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