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May 24, 2010

The Gatekeeper of Our Dreams

Filed under: Christian living,Confidence,Disappointment,Encouragement,Failure,Fighting Fear,Hard Times,New opportunites,Rejection,Writing/authors,adventure,discouragement,next step in life — Brenda @ 4:52 pm

“And don’t think we are the gatekeepers of your dream.”
“Well, they are,” I whispered to my friend sitting next to me, holding back the urge to jump up and yell Blasphemy!
My friend and I were at a writers’ conference sitting in on a panel of book editors. The editors were discussing the type of material they were looking for and what they wanted writers to know about their publishing houses.
Our strong reaction to his disclaimer (my friend had nodded in agreement) was brought on by our wrong belief that if the editors would just look at our material they would realize how amazing it was and publish our books and our dreams would come true. But after his comment, we felt rejected before he even looked at our work. Rejection is something a writer must deal with if she is going to be a professional writer.
Actors the same way. Yesterday one of my daughters learned she did not get the part she had hoped for. She worked hard to prepare. She has proven herself by doing the small roles with excellence. Surely, this was her year. The role went to someone less experienced. The rejection hurt and disillusioned her.
Rejection is a part of life. Everyone experiences it. Who hasn’t felt the pierce of rejection
• by a breakup/divorce?
• from children?
• from parents?
• from job loss?
• of not getting the job?
• from friends who don’t stay true?
What do we do when the one we think is the gatekeeper of our dreams locks us out? Our answer determines the kind of person we become and the direction of our life. Here are a few truths to help you with your answer:
1. Don’t take every rejection personally. Unless you have been grossly rude, irresponsible, immoral, or illegal, very often it’s more about them than you. The other person is just that—another person. They have limited knowledge and judgment. They have their own issues. It’s impossible to know why you were overlooked when you seemed to be the perfect one for the job, role, friendship, opportunity, etc.
I tried to give my daughter perspective—This is the opinion of one high school teacher. I’m not disrespecting the teacher or her position, but I wanted my daughter to gain perspective. There will be other roles and other directors.
Own whatever part you may have played in the rejection—real not perceived. Then know that not even Jesus pleased everyone all the time. How can we expect to?
2. Let this rejection grow you. Reflect and decide what you can do better next time. My first book, Queen Mom, was rejected several times before it was published. Each time the editors who rejected it gave me helpful advice to make it better. I listened and used their advice. Three years later it was published.
3. Consider redirection. Maybe this rejection is about you—not personally, but maybe God is trying to get your attention to try something else. My first attempt at writing was a novel. One of my friends has one of those can’t-believe-this-really-happened life stories. I thought God was directing me to turn her story into a based-on-real-life novel. I interviewed her once a week for several months. I wrote my proposal and went to a writers’ conference. A gracious editor from a well-known Christian fiction publisher looked over my work and asked me, “Where do you see the story going?” It was the next logical question, but I was speechless. At that moment God made it very clear that I am not a fiction writer. I went home and started working on Queen Mom.
4. Bottom Line—We are always in God’s hands and whatever comes to us is only through His permission (i.e. Job—as in “The Book of”). Through all my rejections (and there have been many) I rest in the fact that if God wanted me there I would be there and no one could prevent it. This doesn’t take away from my responsibility to work hard, prepare, learn, grow, and be a person of excellence and integrity. But, as we discussed last week, the results are always God’s.

Are you feeling the sting of rejection or maybe rejection knocked the wind out of you this time? Lick your wounds. Then decide, What is the truth in this situation? Now move forward accordingly. Sometimes we can’t make sense of the nonsense, so don’t hesitate to talk with someone wiser.
I would love to hear what you are doing with rejection.

April 27, 2010

Bible Study Tuesday–Princess Unaware–A Few One More Things

Filed under: Bible Study,Christian living,Confidence,Encouragement,Hard Times,Life as God's Girl,Others' expectations,Princess Unaware,Relationship with God,Risks,The Unknown,Trusting God,Waiting on God,Walking with God,adventure,celebrate life,confident living,moms,next step in life,parenting — Brenda @ 7:06 pm

This is the last of the notes for Princess Unaware. Next week I will have questions and answers from the Bible study group.

I am famous for my “one more things.” After a conversation I have been known to call back with “one more thing.” With the gals I have mentored I have been known to email “one more thing.” My mind isn’t as quick as I would like and often after I’ve had a chance to think things through I come up with “one more thing” I would like to add.
So today as we finish this study I want to give you “a few one more things” that I want you to take and never forget and live out—things that we discussed that are important and things that we didn’t get a chance to talk enough about.

Here we go:
~God is crazy about you. Never ever forget and constantly remind yourself that God loves you. He wants a relationship with you—stuff and all. Visual aid with wagon full of stuff.
~Live a life worthy of the Lord. Colossians 1:10. Sure we all have stuff, but let’s give it to God and not wallow in it. No more making excuses for the way we are. What not to be—2 Timothy 3:6-7. Take what we have learned and live like God’s princesses.
~Throw off the fear. We’ve talked about this often this study. Fear makes us ineffective and it’s not God’s plan for us. 2 Timothy 1:7. A fearful attitude is not from God. This leads to the next one. . .
~Live with confidence—in your relationships; your marriage, your parenting, your ministry. We can because the last half of 2 Timothy 1:7 says, but a spirit “of power and love and discipline.”
• Power–We have the Holy Spirit in us and thru us. Our obedience with the Holy Spirit’s power accomplishes great things in our lives. Keep your accounts short with God and others. Then yield to what God wants, what He shows us next to do no matter how small. His Spirit then works through us to accomplish His plan and what we couldn’t do otherwise.
• Love –what is best for the other person. Let this definition guide you in your relationships.
• Discipline—woman up. Our lives are too important to waste on things that don’t matter. Take care of yourselves, your homes, your families, grow your relationship with the Lord, step out in faith to the next exciting thing He has for you.
~Get a mentor. I cannot tell you the depth my life has been changed by my mentor. Also, I cannot tell you how I have been blessed by the women I have mentored. Prayerfully consider who God would have you to ask. Your life will never be the same. When choosing my mentor I looked to a woman who was where I wanted to be when I was her age. Also consider being a mentor.
~When you don’t know what to do next, find out. Ask God or your mentor or someone who knows. James 1:5.
~Keep your mouths shut. Don’t say anything about anyone that you don’t want them to know you said. It will get back to them. James 3:3-12. I have sinned in this area and been caught and called on in it. People were hurt. It’s easy to avoid. Just don’t say anything about anybody. You will be surprised at the new depths your conversations go and at the freedom of not worrying if anything will be repeated.
~Quit caring about others’ opinions of you and your family. Matthew 15:1-14. Read v. 12-13. If you live the fabulous life God has for you, you will become a target for others to offer their opinions of how you are doing life all wrong. Go back through each of these points and live them. That is where your fabulous life is—not trying to keep others happy.
~Life is hard. God is faithful. Judges 6:1-16. Read 1-10. The Israelites were suffering because of their own disobedience.
Read v. 11-13. You may now be living the consequences of others’ sins and wondering why God abandoned you.
Read v. 14. “Go in the strength you have.” Do what you can do and then a little more (we all have a little more when pressed). Go back to the above instructions—get godly counsel. Don’t hide out in the winepress. Get in the game.
~”Am I not sending you?” Have you heard these words from God. Staying in the winepress, hiding from life is not an option. Yes, life is hard, but I have never done passed what I thought I could ever do and known God more than when I was facing an impossible-beyond-me situation and He said to me, “Am I not sending you?”
Read v. 15. I, too, responded as Gideon in v. 15, “But Lord, how can I? You know my background, my insecurities. I am not the best one for the job.”
Read v. 16. God has always been faithful to equip me, help me, put words in my mouth and strength in my legs as I stand and say what He wanted me to say.
Why do we look at others and think they have it all together so God is using them powerfully? Instead why don’t we look at others doing what God called them to and praise God for working mightily in them and through them? He will do the same for us.
You, precious warrior Princesses of the Lord’s, have so much of your fabulous life ahead of you. Wear your crown well.

I would love your comments or questions from this study. I will answer them next week.

March 9, 2010

Bible Study Tuesday–Life as a Believer 101

Filed under: Christian living,Encouragement,Life as God's Girl,Relationship with God,Trusting God,adventure,life changes,next step in life,persistence,priorities — Brenda @ 7:00 pm

Story from book of being in Target with girls. I know the impression I give doesn’t always say follower of Christ.

What about you when you’re out and about?
• Do you drive crazy even with the fish symbol on your car?
• Are you kind and thoughtful in public? (story of Jill’s experience at bookstore)
• Do you smile at others?
• Do you merge politely or drive bumper-to-bumper so no one can get in front of you?
• Do you include others or let them stay on the sidelines lonely and uncomfortable?

How we live our lives both in public and private are part of our testimony—what we are saying about Jesus to others.

God feels pretty strongly about our testimonies—about how we live our daily lives.
“Only conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ.” Philippians 1:27.
Wow. Think about it. “Worthy of the gospel of Christ.” There is no way we will ever live in a way that is worthy of the gospel of Christ. But it is our goal, our call, our job description.
Let’s see if we can begin to get our minds around this call.
First what is the gospel of Christ?
• We are all sinners. Romans 3:23. No one is perfect. Even the slightest imperfection/sin disqualifies us.
• The penalty for sin is death. Romans 6:23. The consequences of our sin is death—spiritual death—not ceasing to exist, but eternity separated from God in hell.
• Jesus, God’s perfect, holy Son—equally God, equally man—came to earth, lived the perfect life and then gave Himself totally (all God and all man) to pay the penalty for our sins. We are made right and perfect to God and we enjoy relationship with Him as a precious child of His. Romans 5:6-11, 21.

That’s it. That’s the Gospel of Christ—totally awesome Son of God gives His life for totally unworthy slugs (and sinners) so we can have a totally awesome life here and forever with God and Jesus.

So how do we live a life worthy of the Gospel of Christ? What does God want from us? Let’s take a look at a verse I like to call “Life as a Believer 101.” I like things boiled down. Let’s get to the heart of the issue. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Don’t assume I can or will understand your innuendoes. I will most likely miss it altogether.
The text for our “Life as a Believer 101” class is Micah 6:8.
“He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.” Micah 6:8

Require—to seek or ask, specifically to worship. The three “requirements” of God are part of our worship of Him. Our purpose on earth is to glorify God and have relationship with Him–worship. So living out this verse is an extension of our worship and to be woven into every area of our lives. “Living as a Believer 101.” Things we are to do every day, all day.

~Act justly—a verdict; formal decree.
The first “requirement” in our life of worship is to be fair and just to everyone. No preference. This totally throws out treating some people with more respect than others. Everyone deserves our smile and kindness.

~To Love Mercy—
• Love—affection
• Mercy—kindness, favor, good deed.
The next way we worship God is to have an affection for others and to be kind, showing favor to others (not over others, but ourselves). Philippians 2:3-4, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
Do you let the other person go ahead of you, even if you were there a split second first? Treat your kids as patiently as you treat your husband, your best friend, the pastor.
~Thoughtfulness.
~Words of encouragement/compliments.
~Be the first to speak to others.

~Walk Humbly with your God.
• Walk means walk. Literally walk with God. Keep in step with Him. Go where He goes at the speed He goes. No lagging behind or rabbit trails.
• Humbly—lowly. It’s an attitude that says “I know You are God and I am not, therefore, I will trust you with my life and not think I know better than You.”

The third requirement is to keep in step with God in humility. Example of Riley on leash pulling me her direction, her speed, stopping to sniff all road kill, barking at other loser dogs who are in an electric fence. She does not walk with me and she definitely is not humble in any way. She is out of the house and she is going to do her best to have her fun her way.

But when I put the harness on her, her attitude changes. She is unable to pull me or zigzag or jump. She must walk humbly with me. We have a great walk then. We stay on the road. We stay in step and both of us benefit from a good workout—no waste of time chasing rabbit trails (literally). She doesn’t get her nose filthy with roadkill germs.

When we walk humbly with God we are going where He says when He says. We benefit by accomplishing God’s plan for us. We have great fellowship with Him. We avoid the feelings of defeat or uselessness that comes with doing our own thing.

There are so many distractions in life and we have only so much time. We cannot stretch the hours in our day. We must make the most of what God has given us and the way we do that is by staying in step with God.

Again, I will pick on Facebook. Facebook is for this generation what the soap opera was to my mom’s generation—a huge waste of time wrapped in the packaging that read “harmless diversion.” It’s not all bad, but we must be careful.

What is keeping you from walking humbly with your God? Where have you thought you knew better than God? Over-extended budget? Going against your husband’s word? Time on Facebook with an old male friend?
As we have said before—walking humbly with God is one seemingly small yes at a time.

Now What?

How do we live this out? Pay attention to the little (there are no little things) in your life.

~First, are you a believer, a follower of Christ? If not think about the gospel of Christ. Do you believe you are a sinner—you have done/thought anything not pleasing to God—gone against God? Hey, we are all sinners. Don’t let your pride keep you from God. Like I’ve said before—we’re all in this boat together—no one better, no one worse.
If you’re not a follower, you can pray along with me silently in our three minutes of quiet time. (if you’re reading this you don’t need me. talk to you right where you are.)

~If you are a follower of Christ, do you get the gospel? I mean do you really get what God has done for you and does that drive you to sit at His feet, to know Him better, to let go of everything you think you must have in order to pursue everything He wants for you?

~If you are crazy in love with Christ and you are pursuing what He has for you, are you doing it in a way that makes the world notice? Not because you are advertising, but because you are so radical that your light shines in their darkness? Do you—
• Share a smile and kindness with everyone?
• Send a card of encouragement or bake a chocolate cake for someone struggling?
• Ask God what is important to Him today and then walk with Him? It may be cleaning the house or building a fort. It may be taking the whole gang on a walk and cleaning the house tomorrow (wrap the kids is old towel, spray them with Pledge and let them go nuts!). Lay down your agenda.

Inspiration
I dream of the day when I walk into the grocery store and every Christian woman is smiling back at me, when I hear the clerks whisper to each other “What are they on? I want some!” I dream of the day when a car with a fish on it does not speed around me to get to the church parking lot first and almost run over an elderly person trying to get the last parking spot. I dream of the day when we all will
• Act justly
• Love mercy
• Walk humbly with our God.

It’s Life as a Believer 101.

January 22, 2010

Time for a Haircut, Color, and New Clothes!

Filed under: Confidence,Fighting Fear,New opportunites,Risks,The Unknown,Trusting God,adventure,confident living,life changes,moms,next step in life,recession — Brenda @ 4:10 pm

Yesterday a dear friend called, “You’ll never guess what just happened!” (We never will guess so why not just tell us!)

“I took the kids to school, did a quick errand in the school and then asked the school secretary if they needed substitute teachers. Before I knew it I was in the principal’s office talking about a job! I didn’t look great either–very little makeup and my hair in a pony tail.”

The crazy thing here is that my friend is not a teacher (unnecessary in our state) and this impromtu interview was not on her list of things-to-do today. She has been fervently looking for work that will bring in extra income, but not interfere with her family life. But so far–nothing. So yesterday on a whim she stopped in to see if there might be an opening.

My friend is scared silly. She left the corporate world ten years ago. She has been a stay-at-home mom to their twins and the administrative assistant, bookkeeper, etc. for her husband’s construction business. She has been working hard but not in the marketplace.

As we talked she started to imagine herself there. “If I do this I’m going to need a major (hair) cut and color–and new clothes.”

I chide in, ”You go, girl! And I’ll take you shopping!”

We talked through updating her resume and the areas of the job she felt secure in and where she felt not ready. Of course, in my true shoot-from-the-hip fashion I infused her insecurities with truth and encouragement. I didn’t let her linger too long in the dark shadows of the unknown.

When God shows us what is next for us there will always been the unknown. The unknown is God’s business. Our part is to ready ourselves and give our best. God called Abraham out of his homeland, Ur (Acts 7:2; Genesis 15:7). In Genesis 12: 1 God tells Abraham, “Leave your country, your people and your father’s household and go to the land I will show you.” Hebrews 11:8 gives us further insight into Abraham’s situation, “By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going” (NIV).

Most of us would be saying, “God, I”m ready to obey, I just need to know where I’m heading. I can’t just follow You if I don’t know where all this is headed.” God gave Abraham enough direction to proceed. God told him, “the land where I will show you” (emphasis mine). He also told Abraham to proceed and He would direct him along the way. And God will give us what we need to follow Him, too.

That’s what my friend is trusting God to do for her. She is proceeding. She is updating her resume, making a hair appointment, and going shopping–all in preparation for her official interview. (Imagine interviewing for a job in the outfit you take the kids to school in, minimal makeup, and hair in a pony tail!) Yes, she is a bit shaky concerning this new adventure and most unexpected way God may have for her to supplement their income. But she is stepping out, leaving Ur, and heading for the “land she does not know.”

Is God calling you to a “land you do not know”? Is He asking you to leave the familiar so He can do amazing things in you and through you? I’d love to hear how you are letting God give you confidence to live your calling.

December 23, 2009

The Rest of the Story and a Few Survival Tips for the Last Few Days of the Christmas Season

Filed under: Christmas--making the most,adventure,celebrate life,confident living,persistence,priorities,relatiionships at Christmas,saying no — Brenda @ 2:03 am

First, the rest of the story.

As you may remember, last week Kerry tried out for her high school’s musical. Wednesday evening the results were to be posted on the school’s website. Kerry went to the youth group’s Christmas party that evening so Gene and I nervously checked the website every few minutes from 7 to 8. Finally, at 7:55 the results were posted. Kerry made it—but not the role she wanted. She got a secondary role. We call it “the chorus”—no speaking lines and singing with the chorus, thus it’s called “the chorus.”

Oooo. Now what? Is this reason for celebration or consolation? We didn’t have to wonder for long. Kerry texted us from the bus (the group went roller skating). Kerry’s friend used her Blackberry to check the website. Kerry was thrilled as was evident by the all capital letters and multiple exclamation points she used in the text. Yea! We celebrated with her when she got home.

Later Kerry shared with me why she was so thrilled with her small part even though she worked hard (and is quite capable to have a larger role). “Mom, all the main roles were given to upperclassmen. I’m with my friends [also in “the chorus] and I know I have to work my way up.”

How wise. And to think I wanted to have a talk with the directors (still do).  

Part II—A Few Survival Tips for the Last Few Days of the Christmas Season

I hate wording the title this way, but the more I talk with people about their Christmas plans, the more I realize that many of us will not spend Christmas in a Norman Rockwell setting. No family is perfect and for some surviving without raising their blood pressure several points is their only goal. Here are a few brief survival tips:

  • Less is more. Talk less. You know how Cousin Ernie feels about (fill in a controversial topic) so don’t engage when he starts his rant. You will not convince him otherwise, so listen for a bit, then excuse yourself to walk your parents’ neighbors’ dog.
  • Plead the Fifth. You don’t have to answer every question asked of you or give every detail of your personal/professional life. My grandpa had a great line that may come in handy for you. Consider it my gift to you. When asked a question that was nobody’s business he advised me to say, “I’ll forgive you for asking, if you forgive me for not answering.” Or if that’s too much to remember, Grandpa also used, “Now why would you want to know a thing like that?” Smile and then head for the eggnog.
  • More Mary, less Martha. Now is the time to switch paradigms from Martha (busy, busy, busy, everything-to-everybody) to Mary (focus on what’s important—Jesus and people). How much hassle is a last-minute gift for the mailman worth or how much stress is it worth to send one last card to your best friend from the 8th grade? Christmas is not meaningful (and memorable) because of the infinite tasks we assign to ourselves or we take on from others. Christmas is meaningful and memorable when we worship Jesus and spend time with loved ones.
  • Live in the moment. I’m not good at this, but this year I am learning to do it well. Kelsey is home from college for only 2 ½ weeks. Katie and Kerry are off school, too. So the weeks before and after Christmas are precious. We are enjoying each other’s company as we shop, bake, skate, stitch (the last few gifts), and wrap. Thinking about work and school is not allowed.

 

I wish you and your family a wonderful Christmas.

Brenda

December 16, 2009

Leave It All on the Stage, Dawg!

Filed under: Confidence,Failure,Fighting Fear,Fun,New opportunites,Risks,Success,adventure,celebrate life,confident living,life changes,next step in life — Brenda @ 2:01 am

“Leave it all on the stage, dawg!” I encouraged Kerry with Randy Jackson’s immortal wisdom as she nervously got out of the van. She is auditioning for a role in her high school’s musical “The Wizard of Oz.”

Oh, the agony of being the mom waiting in the parking lot. What I really want to do is have coffee with the directors (teachers) and awaken them to the facts of why Kerry would be the perfect girl for the role of Dorothy or Glinda. Not only does Kerry have the perfect hair (check out our family picture), but she has a great voice without being showy and. . . well, you get the idea.

Our high school, like most other high schools, has more talent than roles. Some kids will be disappointed. Does that mean Gene and I should discourage Kerry from trying? I’ve heard parents argue yes. Don’t set them up for failure. Why try if they probably won’t make it? They’re just going to be upset.

But no! Who knows if she will make it or not? There’s only one way to find out—to prepare, to work hard, then to “leave it all on the stage.”

When I was in seventh grade I tried out for cheerleader. Go ahead and laugh. I am not cheerleader material. Of course, I didn’t make it. My score was probably one of the lowest. Unfortunately that failure burrowed deep into my spirit and unconsciously I made the decision to not try for anything out of my realm of possibility. I told myself I would not take risks.

Many years later I married a wonderful man who encourages me to take risks. He not only encourages me, but he applauds me—my successes and my failures. He gives me room to try and fail—with no regrets.

If I didn’t fear boring you to tears (or worse–cause you to check out a different blog), I would list my successes and also the much longer list—my failures. It’s been a wild ride. Many times I am left shaking my head and asking God what in the world are You up to? But no matter if I fail or succeed, it’s a rich life. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

But my poor kids! I always encourage them in their next challenge. I’ll listen to their whining for a while, but then I tell them that I know how hard it is. I tell them that anything worthwhile will be hard. Then I quote another wise man—Denzel Washington’s dad. When his kids were getting down and wanted to quit, he challenged them, “Do what you gotta do, so you can do what you want to do.” School is hard. Preparing for a tryout is hard. Writing books is hard. And the outcome of all our efforts is unsure. It’s risky to go for something.

Who needs your encouragement to take a risk? To give their best and” leave it all on the stage?” To keep doing what they “gotta do so they can do what they want to do?”

Maybe your child.

Maybe your spouse.

Maybe a parent.

Maybe a friend.

Maybe you.

Kerry’s back in the van now. She’s winded, like she just outran a monster—the adrenaline monster.

I asked her, “Did you leave it all on the stage?”

“I did my best!”

That’s all anyone can do.

If she makes it, great! If she doesn’t make it, she is better prepared for the next time she wants pursue a dream and take a risk. She learned to work hard, prepare, and leave it all on the stage, dawg!

Would you encourage us with your experience of doing your best?

October 21, 2009

He Danced

Filed under: Christian living,Confidence,New opportunites,adventure,celebrate life,confident living,next step in life,parenting,priorities — Brenda @ 4:04 pm

Last evening I attended a visitation for a man who will have lasting influence on my life. I arrived a few minutes before the official start time because I knew there would be a line. At least 100 other people had the same thought as me. As I zigzagged in the line through the waiting area I took my turn looking at the dozens of pictures of Ron throughout his life. They were all there–all the pictures we hope we will have at the end of our lives. Pictures of

  • Ron as a thin young high school and college athlete.
  • Ron and Dorothy as adorable college sweethearts and then
  • Ron and Dorothy as the bride and groom. Dorothy in an elegant, traditional 50′s bridal gown and Ron in a white tuxedo.
  • Dozens of family events–the kids growing and the family growing.
  • Ron with the new grandbabies.
  • Ron with his pesky white Yorshire terrior. That dog always tried to take a bite out of my jeans. But Ron adored him.
  • And lots of pictures of Ron with Dorothy throughout their life together.

The pictures told the story that each of the many, many people there would also tell–the story of a life well-lived. He and Dorothy gave of their friendship, service, and time generously. A few moments with either of them was a blessing of laughter or rich advice given in humility.

LeeAnn Womack sings the song I Hope You Dance. This song talks about the opportunities that come our way in life and that given the choice we should always choose to dance–to be involved, to choose love over bitterness, to choose others over self, to engage in the wonderful life God has offered to us. Ron danced. I learned much from Ron.

  • Be the first to greet others. He talked to everyone and usually made us laugh.
  • Make my life not about me. He served God in so many ways throughout his lifetime. He was the unofficial grandpa/great uncle to the kids at the Youth for Christ in our local high school.
  • Growing spiritually. He was always in church and he and Dorothy were part of a small group Bible study.
  • Pursue friends and I will have plenty. He and Dorothy extended their friendship to many, often being the ones to invite.
  • Stay involved with my kids. Their boys played football and their daughter was a cheerleader. They were at all the games. But their involvement did not stop at the kids’ high school graduation. Their daughter is the choral director of the local middle school and the junior and senior high at church. They attended each of her concerts.
  • Life is not about me. Ron and Dorothy were always pouring into the lives of others.
  • Keep the romance in my marriage. After over 50 years of marriage, Ron still called Dorothy by his sweet nickname for her.
  • Have fun. Ron was an enthusiastic sports fan–especially the local football team that his boys used to play on.
  • Serve God till my last breath. I remember one of the last times I saw Ron at church. He looked awful, but there he was sitting behind the Welcome Center while Dorothy assisted visitors.

When I finally made my way to the family’s receiving line, I could no longer hold in my emotion. I shared gentle tears with Dorothy and their daughter. They seemed to welcome the opportunity to say through their own tears He was a great man and we will miss him!

Wherever life finds you today, if you are reading this, you are still breathing. You have life left to live. Decide what’s important in your life then live it.

I would love to hear how you will grab the opportunity today to dance!

October 13, 2009

Neglecting the Plan

Filed under: Confidence,Fun,New opportunites,adventure,confident living,moms,parenting,priorities — Brenda @ 2:09 am

A few weeks ago I talked about the Principle of Neglect and its benefits in helping us achieve what God has for us. Today, though, was the day to ditch the Principle of Neglect—to neglect it. I began my day prepared to chisel away at my deadline. Since it was Monday I had to tidy the house a bit and take out the garbage. I continued to work around the house accomplishing one task after the other. What an adrenaline rush! I couldn’t stop.

~Breakfast dishes done.

~Laundry started.

~Bills paid.

~Kelsey’s room readied for her visit from college this weekend.

~Laundry folded.

~Emails returned.

I was inspired. Ironing. Yep, that would make me feel even more accomplished. I opened the door of the closet where the ironing board resides with hundreds of shopping bags. Usually I can stuff them back in the closet, promising myself I will “get to them later.” But today the bags wouldn’t be stuffed. They spilled out and lay on the floor looking back at me as if to say Just try to make us go back in there.

Great. Now I had to do something with them. So I dug them out, all of them. All reminders of where I have shopped over the past several months. The Wal-Mart and Target bags were easy to deal with—stuff them inside each other to be recycled. Then my progress came to a halt.

~Crate and Barrel

~J.Jill

~Delia’s

These bags stared back at me like vacation photos. These stores are favorite stores of my daughters and myself. The precious shopping bags were more than sturdy, reusable bags. They were memories, souvenirs of fabulous times with my girls. We don’t live near a big city, so when we get the opportunity to shop in a big city at our favorite stores, it is a special occasion.

There I knelt in the midst of my memories and sentiment. What would I do? The day’s inspiration did not fail me. I ran to the basement and got a box to store the bags in. (Simple, I know, but organization is not my second nature.) The bags settled into their new orderly home and were content in the back of the closet, ready to serve when called upon. I finished cleaning the closet and returned the ironing board to its now clean home.

By now it was 2:00 pm.

“Hey, Mom, what are you going to do now?” Kerry came in the kitchen just as I finished.

“Um, I don’t know.” I was shocked at the progress I had made already.

“How about an adventure?!” Her eyes twinkled with spontaneity.

“Okay, let’s go!”

Nothing today was part of my original plan, but it was definitely the day I needed for refreshment, satisfaction, and fun.

My point—Once in a while neglect the plan. Go with the flow. Enjoy the moment with a loved one. It’s all an important part of confidently living your calling.

September 2, 2009

College at Last

Filed under: Christian living,Confidence,Fighting Fear,New opportunites,adventure,confident living,discouragement,moms,next step in life,parenting,young adult children — Brenda @ 4:04 pm

Monday we took Kelsey to college. She was so ready. We carried in loads of stuff that used to be the guts of her room at home. Now it would be the guts of her room at college. Kelsey’s roommates were already there setting up the room. They were sweet, fun, welcoming, and helpful.

Kelsey and I took a break at the soda machine while Gene worked on the van (another story for another blog). She shared with me insecurities about being out of her league. The other girls know each other. They are from this city. They brought more stuff to share than I did.  Summed up–her insecurities were screaming–the other girls are different and superior in every way! (Please know these girls and everyone at Kels’ college was super kind and helpful.)

Have you ever been there? You took the next step to what God was calling you to and your insecurities piled on you like football players piling on a sacked quarterback. You can’t even come up for air because they are piling one on the other faster than you can identify and deal with each one.

My role in Kelsey’s life is now to be her coach (not her mommy), so I got down under the pile with her, and spoke into her face, “Kels, stay true to who you are, to what you have worked for. Don’t try to blend in. Be Kelsey.”

“Okay, Mom. You’re right.” I could see her absorbing this truth.

What about you? How do you need to stay true to who you are, to the person God made you to be and the call He put in you? Here are a few ideas to get you started:

  • Embrace your personality. This doesn’t mean you should let the weaknesses in you rule, but if you are outgoing let that work for you. Keep on reaching out, meeting people, and pursuing opportunities.  Don’t listen to your insecurities disguised as the voice of reason. If you are more of an introvert and reflective, use this to study others, evaluate the situation, and then move forward. 
  • Embrace your talents and gifts. Don’t deny them because you are the only one you know with them. God gave them to you specifically for a reason. Discover it and then use them.
  • Embrace your season of life. Don’t wish away your single years. Don’t think if only the kids were in school I would be more fulfilled and happy.  It’s not true. Regrets make miserable lifelong companions.
  • Embrace your financial situation. Don’t try to keep up with others (even friends) who have more financially. Don’t feel inferior because of your finances. God in His sovereignty has given each of us what He wants us to use. It means nothing more.  

When we embrace who God has made us to be and the purpose He has given us, we can confidently live the fabulous lives He planned for us and be a blessing to those around us.

Kelsey emailed last night. She is getting more comfortable and enjoying herself a bit more, too. What about you? How do you need to be true to who God made you to be? How are you embracing the fabulous life He has for you? I would love to hear about it.

July 20, 2009

Picture Yourself There

Filed under: Confidence,Fighting Fear,New opportunites,adventure,confident living,next step in life,young adult children — Brenda @ 4:42 pm

“Kels, how are you feeling about going away to college?” I asked her last evening.

“I don’t know. I can’t picture myself there.”

In six weeks Kelsey will come a little closer to her dream of becoming a teacher when she moves away to college. For the past two years she worked hard in her classes at the local community college and now she is ready to move on.

We visited the campus a few times and the college staff made us welcome and comfortable on campus. Kelsey is having a hard time crossing the threshold from planning her dream to the reality of living it. She will be leaving the familar for the unfamiliar. Yes, she has been away from home many times for trips, camps, and mission trips, but the college experience will be different. She will be doing life away with people she has not yet met. She has only a sketchy idea what the next few months will look like. When she looks to the future much uncertainty is looking back at her.

 This uncertainty and a bit of fear are part of the exciting plan God has for us–no matter if you are a college student or a mature woman awaiting your next step with God. A dear friend has given me a front row seat on her next adventure with God. Fear and uncertainty tried to grip her as God made more and more clear His next step for her–use her Facebook page for outreach to friends and family who do not have a relationship with Jesus. She writes with humor and wit about everyday events and in doing so she creates a curiosity in the reader to know her God.  

My youngest sister recently told me that, with a bit of fear and uncertainty, she is going back to school. She has been a stay-at-home mom for almost 22 years. In the fall she will go to culinary school. “I will probably be the oldest one in the class,” she laughed. I am thrilled for her.

The Bible is full of accounts of people who faced fear and uncertainty when God called them to an adventure. One of my favorites is Gideon. In Judges 6 the angel of the LORD finds Gideon hiding out from the enemy in a wine press. The angel greets Gideon with a powerful word, “The LORD is with you, O valiant warrior.” But Gideon responds with unbelief and tries to put the blame of his fearfulness on God. “O my lord, if the LORD is with us, why then has all this happened to us?. . . But now the LORD has abandoned us.” Gideon doesn’t even know what God wants him to do exactly (the title “valiant warrior” might have tipped him off) and he is already afraid. 

The next words to Gideon come from the LORD, “Go in this your strength and deliver Isreal from the hand of Midian. Have I not sent you?” That is all God asks of us. “Go in this your strength.” Just do the thing I put in front of you. For my sister it was enrolling in culinary classes this fall. For my friend it is sharing her relationship with God through her every day life on her Facebook page.

What has God put in front of you to do that will take you on the journey He has put in your heart? Even if you can’t quite picture yourself there know that He is sending you. This call is from God. Go in the strength God has given you.

In the next six weeks we will have fun buying supplies for Kelsey’s dorm room and help her “picture herself there.” Then on August 29 we will take her to her new adventure. She will go in the strength God gives her. She will learn to know God in a way she never has before.

I would love to hear about the next step you are going to take with God.