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January 25, 2012

No Regrets! – Really?! guest blogger Jill Tracey (Doing Life with the Traceys)

Filed under: Regret-free living — Brenda @ 7:11 pm

Is it possible to live totally regret-free?

Of course not.

No matter how I try, I can’t picture a scenario where I’ll reach a ripe, old age, park myself on a recliner with a blanket and a cat, sit back, sigh, and say to whoever will listen, “You know, I really have no regrets. There’s not one thing I’d do differently if I had the chance!”

I think this is important to remember.

Obvious, but important.

I don’t know about you, but I feel A LOT of pressure to live with absolutely no regrets. To not let one moment get away from me. To take advantage of every opportunity. But, guess what? I can’t.

I don’t have the time, budget, or brain space to grab hold of every chance to do the right thing, make a memory, take a picture, create a scrapbook, or even simply avoid the wrong choice. Eventually, I’m going to mess up or miss something. And, I will regret it. Sometimes a little bit; sometimes woefully. But, at some point…I will have regrets. It’s inevitable.

So, where do I go from here? If it’s impossible to live a regret-free life, why change at all?

This isn’t much different from that age-old question for those of us who follow Christ: If I can’t live without sin, why try? Why not just rest in grace? Hmmm… we could launch a theological debate here, couldn’t we? I’ll leave this to Paul’s wisdom in Romans 6. Still, beyond that, should we endeavor to live without regret? I’m not sure.

But, what about striving to live a fewer-regrets life?

Here are a few ways I’m attempting to do this:

Embrace the inevitability of regrets – On January 3rd, I posted my theme for 2012 on Facebook: This year, I want to embrace my imperfection and remember I’m accepted in spite of it. If I change, it’ll be through strength and courage that doesn’t come from me anyway. So, why not bask in the love, baby?! This was freeing to me and continues to be my philosophy. AND, the response from others was incredible. Dozens of likes and comments pointed to the fact that so many of us are ready to strive for well-done instead of PERFECTLY-done!

Work to limit the regrets – I’m asking God to help me focus on what matters today and nothing more. I want to love my husband and daughter well and show God’s grace to others. I need help doing this. Goals are a useful tool. We’re striving to rid our home of unneeded stuff and our schedules of unnecessary activities. We’re focusing more on giving than accumulating. And, we have our personal fitness and improvement goals. But, I’m trying really hard to remember that getting close is OK and way better than not trying at all.

Move beyond the regrets – A couple weeks ago, my daughter had trouble staying in bed. It had been several nights in a row of tummy aches that seemed to come conveniently at 7:30pm. Finally, we laid down an ultimatum… stay in bed OR ELSE. The “or else” was a punishment we were certain would keep her in her room. It didn’t. In an hour, she was back downstairs with a report of a tummy that hurt like a broken leg. We had to follow through on the punishment, and it was a horrible night for her and for Mommy and Daddy. Fast forward two days later to a report from the doctor that she had strep throat. Guess what was her first symptom? A tummy that hurt like a broken leg. Oh, how I regretted punishing our sweet girl for being sick! It still brings tears to my eyes. My husband and I both apologized lovingly and explained that sometimes parents don’t get it right. But, oh, if I could change that night! What a humbling reminder that I WILL MESS UP! When it happens, all I can do is ask for forgiveness and make adjustments for next time. After that, it’s my choice to live in the regret or move forward. With God’s help, I choose to move forward. How about you?

Tell me one way you’ll live with fewer regrets this year and you could win some free music! Leave a comment and find out more at www.doinglifewiththetraceys.org!

Thank you so much to the FABULOUS Brenda Garrison for inviting me to guest-blog today. I can’t tell you just how much I appreciate your wisdom and advice that help us all live a fewer-regrets life!

Love, Jill

January 19, 2012

(But) Not too Full: Our Need for Margins

Filed under: new year,priorities,saying no — Brenda @ 3:10 pm

“And then I need to add margins to my life,” my friend matter-of-factly said as she explained to me her process in planning the next few months of her life. For her, margins are a given. She does not overfill her days or weeks. But most of us consider overfilled days as the norm.

So what is margin in our lives? Margin is the unfilled—but guarded—space around the “text” of our lives. Everyone’s margin will look different but we all need it. When Gene was a superintendent on a construction site part of his margin was to arrive at the job one and a half hours early. Yes, one and a half hours! In this margin he read the paper, drank his coffee, and mused over his day. The drive home—usually thirty minutes or more—was also part of his margin. Now people consider their drive time part of the workday, and margin time is erased.

My margins are my time in the morning with the Lord and definitely down time in the evening. I also like wiggle room during the day. This doesn’t mean they always happen the same time every day. But if I go a couple of crazy days without them I start to feel it and my family feels it. Margin in my life helps me stay in tune with God.

Jesus had margin in His life. The Gospels record many times when Jesus pulled away from the crowds or hung out with friends. Margins give us time to refresh and reflect. Remember the glial cells I talked about a few months ago? Those are the cells that clean and organize the brain and leave us feeling refreshed. They only work when we are not thinking about anything or sleeping and our sleeping hours are not enough time for them to complete their work. We need to give ourselves time to not think about anything. Margin.

Margin must be guarded. Believe me the temptation will be to fill this time or to let others fill it. If you planned a Monday morning at home to refresh after the previously busy work week and crazy weekend, don’t bring work home. If you planned to stay in your jammies all day and hang out with your two-year old, don’t tell a friend you’ll watch her child. You need this margin.

Decide: What time of the day/week do you need margin to feel refreshed and organized? When will be your protected time with God? When will you give yourself a chunk of time (say 3-4 hours) to do whatever or nothing? I think Sunday afternoon is perfect, but unfortunately many churches have loaded up Sundays so they are no longer a day of rest.

Do: Open your calendar. I trust it is looking leaner and meaner since January 1. Mark in your margins—maybe even with red pen so it will remind you of notebook paper margins.

Believe me, once you start living in your margins you will never go without them again. Fun and important things happen in the margin:

~A whisper from God that you so needed.

~Time to really listen to your child.

~Your mind creatively solves a problem without you even trying.

~Really anything creative has a chance to happen.

~Rest.

I’d love to hear about your margin experiences.

January 12, 2012

Fill Your Plate

Filed under: Christian living,Overwhelmed women,Waiting on God,Walking with God,confident living,priorities,saying no — Brenda @ 7:46 pm

How did your week of cleaning your plate go? Don’t you feel better knowing your life is coming under God’s plan? Why do we think we can do everything that comes our way and that we can do it really well? When we stress and we are hard to live with and don’t do anything very well. We assume there is something wrong with us and we need better organizational skills or more of the Holy Spirit. Do a study on the life of Jesus and you will see Him living a life of intention. He did only what God showed Him to do. “I do nothing on My own initiative, but I speak these thing as the Father taught Me” (John 8:28, NASB). Did you catch that? Jesus did nothing on His own initiative, but only what God taught Him. I trust that everything that you had in your life from your own initiative was crossed off your list last week. If not, go ahead and do it now.
This week we will seek God and see what He has for each of us. Before you start adding to your plate I caution you not to overfill it. Don’t judge how full to make your plate by other people’s lives. Most people’s plates are too full. Also, an encouragement to young moms—little kids fill up your plate fast, so rest in the truth of that fact and don’t feel like you are missing out or are lazy. Your role with those little ones will change the world.
Decide: Who or what is really important to you? Start with prayer—even over a couple of days or however long it takes before you hear from God. Of course, your family is one priority and your relationship with God and taking care of your body. These are things that only you can do. But after that what does God have for you? My friend Dr. Kathy Uno says, “Jesus is always at your elbow guiding you.” That is so comforting to me because often I am looking for the billboard from God. But not so. God guides us in gentleness (firmly too), but we must be at His feet attentively listening.
When my grandma used to come visit, she sat at the kitchen table and talked to me as I worked. But I couldn’t work very fast or loudly or else I couldn’t hear her. The best way to have a conversation with her was to sit next to her and listen. God is that way. He won’t shout for our attention, but when we sit with Him, He is faithful to join us and talk with us.
Do this: Start another list and label it “Priorities.” Don’t put something on your list till you know it’s from God. Remember, don’t expectation a billboard, but what is Jesus gently guiding your elbow towards? What’s in your heart? After your family, who makes your soul sing and refreshes you? Who are you pouring into—in a healthy, not co-dependent relationship? Who are the friends you want to go the distance with? What activities are yours from God, not someone else? Yes, if you have a family they are yours to care for, but that doesn’t mean you do everything for them. Each member of your family has their own personal responsibilities and part of the load of being in the family to carry. What ministry/career/position has God wired you for and you know He is showing you now is the time to pursue it? Or He may be showing you to stay put for awhile.
My friend, Sheryl, moved to Japan with her family a few months ago. Last week after she read the blog on cleaning your plate, she commented, “I cleaned my plate I moved to Japan!” What a perfect illustration to help you decide what goes back on. If you and your family moved to Japan and your life was “clean” what do you feel God leading you to use your precious life for? What do you feel God nudging you towards or what is currently in your life that you know is God’s plan for you? List these things.
Let this process take as long as God says it will take you. It’s okay to have a plate mostly empty for months if that’s what God shows you.
I’d love to hear about your process!

January 5, 2012

Clean Your Plate

Filed under: Christian living,Freedom from self-imposed expectations,Harried Women,Life as God's Girl,Others' expectations,Overwhelmed women,Waiting on God,Walking with God,life changes,next step in life,priorities,saying no — Brenda @ 7:02 pm

You’ll remember from my enewsletter my the slow start getting into shape. I was still living my way and not embracing the new lifestyle changes. If you want real change in your life, you will need to let go of your ways of doing life, allowing God to clean out what is not from Him.
Decide: Just as our money can disappear before we know it, so can our time. With honesty and brutality, make a list of how you spend your time. Look back over your calendar from last year. How did you spend your 24/7?
Do this: List these people/activities with an honest estimation of time spent on them (include preparation time at home). Ideas to get you started– work, ministry, volunteering at church or your child’s school, exercising, running errands, lunch with friends, etc. Label this list “Current Priorities.”
Now think about the time snatchers in your life. These can be people or activities that you allow to steal your precious time and leave you feeling defeated. Who monopolizes your time—whining or chatting on the phone and never themselves getting better or moving forward in life? How much time do you spend on facebook, twitter, or texting? Maybe you’re the rabbit trail type. You head to the laundry room to start the laundry, but you stop in the kitchen to grab a snack and before you know you’re cleaning the pantry you’re neck-deep in noodles and napkins. Oh well, maybe the laundry will do itself—tomorrow. Make a separate list and label it “Time Snatchers.”
Time Snatchers are the trickiest to deal with because for some crazy reason we allow them to snatch our time. We give in to them every time. There is nothing wrong with most of these snatchers. (The key is knowing who/what must totally go. You may need to discuss these with a mature friend, mentor, or counselor.)
Decide: We need to be the adult here and give our time snatchers limited boundaries in our lives. How much time do you really need to spend on facebook, twitter, youtube, etc.? What about the friend who uses you as an excuse to move forward in her life? Are your daily phone calls really helping her or do they enable her to stay a sorry mess? Would a fifteen minute phone call once a week do more to encourage and support her in a positive way? Youtube cat videos are funny, but is the fifth one any funnier than the first one?
Do this: Clean your plate on this list by crossing off the time snatchers you will no longer allow. There are so many options in life that we cannot currently do everything that comes our way. Don’t forget your trusty friend to help you in this process. Then list how much time you will give to those that are left. For your rabbit trails I recommend focus and self-discipline. Determine to do nothing else until your chore for the day is done. You will be amazed how quickly it will be finished. Then reward yourself with a brief time of an allowed time snatcher.
One final thought: Maybe now is the time God is showing you to permanently leave a job or position (volunteer or ministry). God has shown me this many times. Something I once was passionate about now I was lukewarm. I felt God saying, “You are done here.” Don’t worry that you don’t know what is next. Often God doesn’t show us the next thing until we’ve obeyed the one thing He’s shown us. Abram left everything “even though he did not know where he was going” (Hebrews 11:8). God called me out, then in His time He showed me what was next.
Now your plate is clean and ready for what God will place on it in the new year. We’ll talk about that next week.

December 29, 2011

The Award for the Worst Sister of the Year Goes to. . .

Filed under: Failure,celebrate life,forgive self,forgiveness — Brenda @ 12:36 am

Yep, you guessed it! ME!! I’m sure you are probably wondering why on earth I would pin this title on myself. Well folks, I did it to myself. Pull up a chair and let me tell you a little story that I think you will find quite amusing.
Alright, let’s go back about twelve years. I am ten years old and my little sister, Kerry, is five. Let me preface this story by saying that I have always adored Kerry. It may not have always been an outward love, but I did and still do treasure my sister. Unfortunately I had a small problem back then. I loved power. And I had it. You see, Kerry also treasured me. She loved playing with me so much that she would literally do anything I asked her to do in order to keep playing with me (I know, I know…pathetic right? Just wait, it gets better). Anyway, that Christmas I decided that I wanted to know what Kerry (or rather, what my parents) had bought me for Christmas. So I told Kerry that we were going to play a little game. I would give her a clue what her present from me was, and in return she needed to give me a clue as to what my present was. Well, of course my clue was super cryptic and impossible to solve! Kerry’s clue-giving did not go down the same way. She actually gave me a super hard clue! Bad move, Kerry. I LOVE a good challenge. If I do not know something, I will work very hard to find out what it is I don’t know–even if I have to pry my way to the answer. And that is exactly what I did. I pushed and pried until I got my adorable five year-old sister to whisper into my ear exactly what she had gotten me for Christmas. She put those cute chubby cheeks right next to my ear and whispered, “a rocking chair for your doll!” My face dropped. A rocking chair?! For my doll?! How could my parents let her get this?! When had I ever said that I wanted such an unusable present? Was this punishment? I was speechless as I stared back at my little sister. I tried my best to fake a smile and then went upstairs.
I am tearing up just remembering that day. I hated my little eleven year-old self for treating my precious Kerry like that. How could I do that? How could I use power for evil like that? She didn’t even think twice about what had happened?! She was just so excited about telling me about the gift she had specifically picked out for me! But today as I write this I am reminded that I indeed have fallen short of the glory of God. I have, though, been redeemed by His grace. His what? Grace. That is something that my precious five year-old sister gave me, and I must in turn give it to myself. I must forgive myself for being horrible.
That Christmas Eve night I opened that rocking chair and did my best to thank Kerry for her gift. My mom told me many years later when we were watching this on our home video tape, (oh yes, it’s been caught on film) that Kerry had insisted that even though the rocking chair was not on my list, she still wanted to get it for me. Ouch. That one hurt. I was once again reminded that God forgave me, and so would Kerry. I did seek her forgiveness and I received it. To this day it still breaks my heart that I allowed myself to con my sister into making her tell me about a present. Of course, I do my best to give her as many hugs and kisses as I can each day. Oh, she’s seventeen now and I’m sure you can imagine just how much she loves outward expressions of my affection. In her words, “Get away.” :) Don’t you just love teens?
So what exactly are you supposed to be taking from this? God forgives. Read Romans 3. He put His Son on the cross for you. You’re going to mess up, but that doesn’t change who you are in Christ. Make amends and start out the New Year with grace in your pocket. It’s not easy to ask for forgiveness, but you just never know what God has in store for you until you put yourself out there. Grace is a beautiful thing, and I cling to it.

December 21, 2011

Christmas Through the Eyes of a 2-Year Old~ written by Kerry Garrison

Filed under: Christmas--making the most,Kids,celebrate life — Brenda @ 6:51 pm

Wake up! Wake up! Wake uppppp! It’s Christmas! Pour the coffee. Turn on the camera. Run down the stairs!!! Gasp!! Look at that!! Is it for me???? Could it be?? A life size car I can actually sit in and propel with my very own feet?

As far as Christmas presents go, it’s hard to top a car for a two-year-old.

But wait, here comes Mom with another package, shaped like a giant Tootsie roll! Is that possible? Could Santa make a three foot tootsie roll? I suppose on Christmas anything is possible. Okay, the package is in my lap, just rip it open!!!! It’s a, it’s a, it’s a large tube of fake food? Yes! Yes, fake food! Ha! No more playing with the broken hand-me-down food from my sisters!

I now have my own car and my own food. I could practically live on my own. I can just see it now—two-year-old genius starts and runs her own business. And, of course, I had my parents and Santa to thank! They gave me the tools to do it! After all, where would I have been without that Christmas to jump start my dreams for the rest of the year?

I jump in the car with the tube of food in hand ready to take on the world! Snap goes the camera, a perfect snapshot of the bliss in a child’s heart on Christmas morning.

December 8, 2011

Just Trust~written by LeAnne Klopfenstein

Filed under: Trusting God — Brenda @ 3:38 pm

Ever had a season in life where you know God has a plan and a purpose, but you just don’t know what it is? Then–in His own timing–God reveals it bit by bit. You may be overjoyed. Or overwhelmed. Encouraged. Perhaps still confused. Content. Impatient.

Boy, wouldn’t help along the way to know what it is that God desires of us? I’ve thought, “Reveal yourself, Lord, and I can follow you more completely”.

And then I listen to my 8 year old daughter read from her devotion book:

God made a promise. But do I believe it? I say, “Do, something, God, and I will trust you.” God says, “Trust me and then I will do something!” *

God has such amazing plans for me–and for you–and He simply asks us to trust Him. It’s so easy in my sinful humanity to ask for a sign. But keep in mind:

~We celebrate Christmas–Christ’s Birth! God did that “something” for us.
~We believe in the Resurrection–again, my celebration at Easter means I need to show my belief and trust God completely year-round.

In John 6:30 the crowds say to Jesus, “Then what sign will you do, that we may see and believe you?

Do you know what day the crowd asked Jesus this? One day after He fed over 5,000 people with five barley loaves and two fish! The day after He walked on water & the crowd couldn’t figure out how Jesus got to Capernaum because they knew He had not gone by boat. Signs were all around, yet the people wanted more before they would give Jesus anything. I can’t pretend my response would have been any different.

As 2011 comes to a close, God has laid this upon my heart: JUST TRUST. May He lay the same upon your heart as well.

*Book excerpt taken from Jesus Wants all of Me-Bedtime Prayer Edition. Barbour Publishing, Urischsville, OH. Copyright 2007

November 30, 2011

The Truth about Thankfulness

Filed under: Contentment,Thankfulness,Trusting God — Brenda @ 10:25 pm

I hate to admit it, but I have allowed discontent to steal my joy in many areas of my life. That discontent was born from worry—not trusting God. In doing so, I have said to God, “You are not enough for the circumstances in my life. I don’t trust You.” I thought through my need to have the areas of my life neat and tidy before I can relax. Boy, what a control freak! I am haughty for thinking my life was mine to control. I’ve told God numerous times that I gave Him my life. I really did mean it, but then that discontent monster slithers back into my thoughts and subtly convinces me I must be in control or all is lost.

I confessed to the Lord my control freak ways. What would it take for me to be content?

I am a visual thinker and learner, and God kindly gave me a visual aid of the reality of my discontentment. Matthew 14:22-31 tells about Jesus walking on the waves to the disciples already in the boat on the rough water. Follow through the Scripture as I bulletpoint a few facts:

* Jesus “made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of Him to the other side” (verse 22). Jesus, fully knowing what the next few hours held for the disciples, sent them into the rough seas.

* After quite awhile in the storm Jesus comes to them walking on the water. He reassures them it is He and encourages them, “Take courage! It is I. Do not be afraid.” (verses 25-27)

* As if the storm weren’t enough, Peter asks Jesus to call him to walk on the water to himself (verse 28).

* Peter sinks when he looks at the wind around him, the same wind that had been there the past few hours. (verse 29)

* Jesus challenges Peter’s faith, “You of little faith, . . .why did you doubt?” (verse 31)

As I read this section God made a few things very clear to me:

* God not only knows when the rough seas will come into my life, He sends me into them. He sent me into this semester of school, writing, parenting, wife-ing, etc. Each new situation God placed in my life one by one, independent of the other, to achieve the mix of responsibilities that would stretch me beyond anything I’d previously known, and to the degree that my former strategies of getting things done are no longer effective.

* After I sailed off into this semester of new adventures, God brought the waves and winds to see if I will trust him. I feel battered by interruptions, doubts of my ability and my material, and demands on my time. All these try to push me off the course God set for me.

* God calls me to come to Him in the midst of my waves and wind. Peter doubted Jesus could help him walk all the way to Himself in the midst of the waves. When I become stressed and worried I am telling God I doubt He is enough to help me do all He has given me to do.

* But the bottomline truth is God is able to keep me above the waves, moving forward towards the goal He has for me. The waves don’t mean I’m off track. They are part of my journey and God’s plan for me. Jesus wants me to trust and not doubt and to have great faith (verse 31).

Unfortunately the difficult situations in our lives don’t take a break for the holidays. Many times difficult situations are magnified during this season. But God knows what you’re walking through—the waves and wind battering you. Join me in living this lesson:

When I am focused on God and living His plan, I am content and peaceful. When I watch the waves and wind and believe I’m going under, I’m discontent and worried. Walk through the wind and waves this holiday season by taking it a step at a time and trusting God.

Then you will experience thankfulness this season and beyond.

November 23, 2011

How Much is Enough? ~written by Kerry Garrison

Filed under: Thankfulness,celebrate life,priorities — Brenda @ 11:57 pm

“May I have some ‘ore?” Who doesn’t know this common refrain? Stop to think about it, for it applies to many parts of our lives. We want more. We want more time, more friends, better grades, or a better future. We are never content with what we have. Lately, God has been teaching me to be content. I want to be content with where I am, enjoy the people I currently have in my life and recognize the opportunities that present themselves to me every day. I struggle to keep my mind in the present. I think about the awesome people I may meet in the future and forget the amazing ones I have in my life right now.

I was reading through the Gospels, trying to find a solution to this problem and I noticed how Jesus gave his full attention and effort to the people he was teaching or talking with at the instant he was with them. He didn’t let the worries and troubles of the future effect the way he loved in the present. I want to be like that, giving all my love and attention to the people surrounding me today without restraint. The idea of pouring myself out so completely to those around me sounds like a wonderful, rewarding way to forget the troubles of tomorrow. I can make living in the present a lifestyle; I can make living a Christ-like life a permanent lifestyle.

I encourage you to do the same. There may be someone in your life who needs encouragement or just someone to pay attention to them. You could greatly improve the life of someone important to you and show the love of Christ at the same time.

In Christ,
Kerry Garrison

November 17, 2011

Thankful Living

Filed under: Relationship with God,Thankfulness — Brenda @ 3:04 pm

In my e-newsletter I confessed my need to be thankful for the new and challenging opportunities God placed in my life this fall. But how? How will thankfulness to God change me and how I live?

I believe the sin American Christians are more guilty of than our Eastern brothers and sisters in Christ is that we are bloated cows—constantly taking in biblical teaching but rarely using it to change our lives to be more like Christ. God has been challenging me to live differently by reminding me of my reality—the truth of God in my life or, more accurately, the reality of me cooperating with God and His plan.

Below are a few ways my thankfulness is takes me to the next step of cooperating with God and His plan for me/my life:

* I am thankful that God is for me (Romans 8:31). So when I am overwhelmed with all that’s in my life, I remember God is on my side and has a plan. I go to Him and inquire how He would have me discern the difference between His expectations for me and my expectations for myself that are not from God.

* I am thankful God “will graciously give me all things” (Romans 8:32). So instead of worrying and stressing, I talk to God about my worries, asking Him to provide. Then I trust, and when He shows me the next thing to do, I do it. I resist the urge to let my worry run ahead to future situations. This also works well when praying for my kids—God will graciously give them all things too.

* I am thankful God is patient with me, kind to me, is not easily angered, always protects me, and loves me (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). I need His unconditional, all-encompassing love and comfort.

* I am thankful God wants me to not only come to Him, but commands me to (Matthew 11:28). He is my place for rest and regrouping when life gets crazy.

Being thankful can take us to the next step—knowing the One to whom we are ultimately thankful and the eternal things to be thankful for. Practiced throughout this holiday season, this level of thankfulness will change us and our lives well after the holidays have passed.

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